Four Weeks and Four Hours

We still count how many weeks and how many days since Lynda left this world for Paradise.  And yes, on Saturdays (the day she died) I even sometimes count hours.  It's still August.  That makes it seem less time has passed.  When it turns to September tomorrow it will be counted in months.  I don't know why we do this but it's part of the grieving process, I guess.  It's certainly a part of being human.  September will bring the reminder of Lynda's birthday when she would have been 42 years old on September 21st.

Being a Christian and grieving for a child that you know is with Jesus brings a comfort that nothing here on earth can rival.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is perfect and with the one who rescued her.  I know one day I will see her again and when I do I'll be able to talk to her and hear her sweet voice.  I have no doubt she will teach many things just as she did while we were on earth together.  I hope God will allow me to see her as the little girl I lost when she had the stroke when she was ten.  I've already grieved for the loss of that child before.  I would just love to be able to pick that little girl up again and hold her close and hear her say "Nana".  I know God will have plans so much better than I can even imagine.  He is so amazing that there's no way for us to even begin to grasp how wonderful eternity with God is going to be.  Just knowing that eternity will be spent with God, the father:; Jesus, the son; and the Holy Spirit who has interceded between our voiced and unvoiced prayers to our Father to make them pleasing to His ears is all I need to know.

Being a Christian however doesn't make us immune to grief and sadness.  When Jesus was on earth as a human, he also experienced the emotions of sadness and grief.  Of indignation and anger.  He was tired.  He was overwhelmed by the needs of his followers.  He was saddened by those who betrayed him.  He was human and he shared our human emotions yet the Bible says he didn't sin.  He was perfect.  Sometimes Christians don't know what to say to fellow believers who have lost a loved one.  Yes, it is comforting to be reminded that our loved one is with Jesus.  Please don't tell me that this was God's will for Lynda to suffer from seizures, abuse or cancer.  Satan is still alive and Jesus says in John 10:10 the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.  The thief (satan) has been defeated by Jesus dying on the cross for our sins.  The powers of satan are decreased and limited because Christ has already won the victory.  Yet, we are told in the Bible many times that satan and his fallen angel friends roam about the earth unseen trying to do anything they can to wreck havoc in our lives, our families, our communities, our nation, our world.  Can he snatch our souls from the hands of Jesus if we have been redeemed by God.  Absolutely not.  We are promised that nothing can separate us from God.  However, satan wants to kill our hope, kill our purpose, kill our testimony....and build a chasm between God and us through any means he can to throw doubt on God's love for us.  He (satan) likes for us to believe that God called the children at Sandy Hook home because he needed more angels.  That it was "time" for the Boston marathon members who died to "be called home".  That when it's our turn to die, that's it.  This reality is not founded in the teachings of the Bible.  Satan came to steal, destroy and kill.  That includes Christians.  He can steal our bodies but he cannot steal our souls that Christ holds for His believers.  Do not be deceived.  If satan can talk to me enough to get me to think that all of the sad things that happened to Lynda here on earth was "God's Plan" then he has killed my joy.  If he kills my joy he has managed to diminish my testimony of how God has been right beside Lynda and me every second of the days she was on earth.  If he can place doubt into my mind about anything that I believe about God, satan has been successful in stealing and destroying my effectiveness in fulfilling God's purpose for me.  God's purpose for me was not just to raise Lynda on earth for 39 years and fight satan as he caused seizure after seizure, child abuse from schools and people trained to protect Lynda and ultimately to kill her earthly body.  God's purpose for me extends until my earthly life is over and I can no longer testify to His great love for Lynda and me.

I don't want satan to steal my joy for a single minute.  I believe that "joy" is also the "peace that passes understanding" that only God can give us.  Please understand though my heart is still broken as I miss and grieve for the loss of the earthly gift that God entrusted to me named Lynda Taylor Smith.  When you talk to someone who is a Christian who has lost a child please remember this.  Tell the parent that you know how much they are grieving for the child they lost (if you have ever lost a child). If not, don't tell them you know because you've lost a spouse or a parent.  It's not the same.  If they are Christians, they are well aware that their child is in the arms of Jesus.  It doesn't hurt to say "I know the ultimate peace is knowing your child is with Jesus who is loving on her or him right now BUT I know that YOU are still mourning your earthly loss and we're praying for you.  You put it into your own words.  My caution is not to expect a parent to be able to turn their parental love on and off after the death of a child EVEN if they know that they will see them again some day.  Some day for a grieving parent is abstract and TODAY is when their heart is raw from having seen their child die, in a casket and then a grave.  No words are necessary really.  Just hug them and then hug them again.  That is the best medicine you can give along with your prayers.  Tell them you're praying for them and then DO IT.  We often say "we're praying for you" just like we say "How are you?" and we reply "Fine".  There is more to "I'm praying for you".  It is a gift and it is a promise.

There will come a time that I don't count weeks and days and hours or even months.  Time will smooth some of the raw edges and God will provide opportunities for me to tell Lynda's story or who knows what else God might be up to for me?  Right now...I'm not only counting the weeks, days, and minutes....I'm trying to get through my life with God carrying me each week, day and minute.  He will.  He does.  He promised.  HE IS GOOD ALL OF THE TIME!!!!