Thanks...

We continue to be humbled and uplifted by the support that Lynda's blog has received.  Thank you and please continue to share the blog with others.  God continues to use our sweet daughter Lynda to teach others about children with special needs.

Freedom On Earth is Nothing Like Freedom in Heaven

Freedom on earth for Lynda is exemplified by this picture of her swinging.  I've posted it before.  It's one of my favorite pictures of her.  She had learned to swing all by herself and she was transported to a place that she loved with the air blowing in her face and the ability to pump her legs to keep it going.  Look at the expression on her sweet face.  It says it all!  Ahhh....I'm flying and it's fun.  Nothing is holding me back.  She actually had such a perfect little body.  I can still feel those sweet arms hugging me as she practically jumped out of the swing when she was "all done".  Oh, to be able to turn back time to this time in our lives before the stroke. 

I look at this picture and it is comforting to me because her freedom on earth swinging as high as she could is nothing compared to soaring in flight with angels into paradise.  Gravity doesn't hold her back and neither does a crippled worn out body.  She is brand new and the sky isn't even the limit.  There are no limits to what she is able to do.  We as mothers all want what's best for our children.  Of course, we want them by our side forever.  This wasn't to be for Lynda and as her Nana I can't honestly wish it had been.  She was always a free spirit.  She was held back for some 40 years but now eternity stretches before her and I gain great pleasure in thinking about the delights God is sharing with her each day.  She is the daughter of the King of the universe.  Once considered disabled and not worthy of many things the world offered she now is walking the streets of gold and dancing on the stars.  She has so many family members there to love on her that the pain she endured is beginning to fade from my memories and is replaced by my visions of paradise with Lynda smack dab in the middle of it!  I choose to celebrate her entrance into paradise rather than mourn my own personal loss.  Just like people used to tell me that they couldn't be a foster parent because they would get to attached to the kids and they wouldn't be able to give them up.  It would be too sad.  My response was always that it hurts us too but it's not about us.  It's about helping the kids. 

Giving up Lynda was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it's not about me.  It's about Lynda and it was the best thing that will ever happen to her.  For her I am happy.  For her departure from earth, the tears come less and less.  My heart always misses her and there are days I can hardly breath thinking about the little blond that I would so love to kiss and hold.  She is forever loved and missed but I know where she is and I rejoice that she's there having the time of her life.  What mother could ask for anything better for a daughter she adores?

Do Not Be Deceived....

Lynda's life was too short.  There is never a time that a mother stands before her child's grave and feels any human emotion except that a mother should not bury her child.  However, I can stand before her grave knowing that she is not there.  The grave is certainly not the end but really the beginning.

Yes, it's difficult for our human minds to wrap around God's plan of salvation with God sending His only son.  For those who live by faith in something they cannot see, we follow a risen savior.  I've had so many people ask me how we can deserve such a gift and the answer is we cannot.  There is nothing we can do to warrant the grace that came with the gift of Jesus on the cross.  No matter what we do we cannot be "good enough" to deserve salvation.  No matter how "bad" we are there is nothing that can stand between our salvation when we put our faith in Jesus.  It's so simple it trips a lot of people up.

Lynda was special.  She was a "forever child" who never grew beyond the developmental age of a young child.  Her life her on earth was not easy and was often filled with pain and suffering.  Thank God that this life is short compared to heaven which is forever.  I will forever be Lynda's mother and I will always miss her.  I cannot wait to see her again as God promises.  I know that my redeemer lives!

Nana's Angel

The first thing that I notice about this picture is the happiness on both our faces.  Lynda was almost four.  I had been her Nana for several months and she was to the point that she didn't fight me when I held her.  She actually enjoyed it as is obvious in this picture.  She was cutting those eyes around at her Daddy who was taking the picture.  Truly one of the moments that I'm thankful was captured on film.  I was oh so young and head over hills in love with this little blond haired bombshell.

By the time this picture was taken, Lynda had already melted my heart by calling me "nana" when she was in the hospital after having a seizure lasting for hours.  I had gone from shoulder length hair to this "short do" because I could more easily wash it and style it with one hand holding Lynda.  I was clearly learning to adapt.  And so was Lynda.  She had never had anyone suggest she might eat with a spoon instead of her hands or sleep in a bed during the night.  I look at our picture and for now  I don't remember the years that followed.  I'm just drawn into the memories of the early years with Lynda and I smile when I think of her and that time in my life.

Yes, it has been a year since Lynda left earth to be carried to heaven by Jesus and His angels.  My heart has experienced every emotion not once but hundreds of times in the past 365 days.  I've wondered during the year what I would feel and do when the anniversary of that day rolled around.  What God has helped me to be able to do is celebrate the years He loaned Lynda to me as my daughter and to praise Him for gathering her frail body up from this earth and transforming her into a new creature in heaven.

It is just human nature to remember the day a year later that she became ill and entered the emergency room.  The day she went on a respirator and the struggles she had while in intensive care.  To remember the day we got the news that she was beyond hope for recovery and the decision to remove her from the respirator so she could play with her toys and move upstairs to hospice.  To remember the last night I held her in my arms throughout the night while I sang every song I knew to her as I watched her slip closer and closer to heaven.

But that is exactly what happened.  The worse the conditions became for her on earth, the closer she was to being eternally perfect and in the presence of God.  It is possible to mourn the loss of a loved one while dancing for joy at the same time.  This earth was never meant to be Lynda's home.  She was just passing through and when she did she touched the lives and hearts of many people.  I cannot wait to join Lynda in heaven and sit for eternity listening to the sweet voice that I have only heard speak eight or nine words.  I long to hold her in my arms and tell her she blessed my life and how thankful I am to have known her and to have been chosen by God to be her mother.

Happy first year anniversary of your first day in heaven, Lynda.  I know you are dancing on stars and those of us who knew you here praise God for you and I celebrate you today with joy in my heart.

Be Joyful...