Three weeks ago this morning, Lynda took her last breath on earth and victoriously entered into heaven with her creator. Three weeks. Twenty-one "earth" days. Just a blink in heaven. She had endured a life that none of us would choose for ourselves with instances of abuse and many seizures. She had been restrained and ignored during her lifetime here. She had also been loved unconditionally and cherished as the gift from God that she was.
In three weeks, I have ridden the emotional roller coaster of grief sometimes feeling that I couldn't get my breath and sometimes wishing that I wouldn't breathe. I have looked at pictures and relived the good times as Lynda grew up. I've visited the grave where I know her body is but it has never been like visiting Lynda because I know she isn't there. No grave could hold my savior and He has promised the same to His own. Lynda is His. She was a "forever child" pure and blameless. She spent almost 42 years in this world teaching others about compassion, love, justice and equality. God worked through her in ways even I don't know about and won't know until I too join Lynda and Jesus.
I prayed to God to unburden my heart and take away the overwhelming sadness I felt every afternoon at about 5:30 p.m. I even went to the doctor to see if there was anything I could take temporarily to help me not dread the end of the day. The doctor talked with me and listened to me and gave me two anxiety prescriptions. As I was explaining about my back pain that was different than my typical back and neck pain and was asking if this too was stress related, she decided to run a few tests and found that I had a UTI that was causing my back pain. Armed with a diagnosis and an antibiotic I could feel the weight begin to lift from my shoulders. I haven't had to use any medication for anxiety but having it in my possession just makes me feel better. Even though I know my God is an awesome God and is able to do anything and everything, I am still in awe of how He works miracles in the blink of an eye. The next day after one antibiotic, my back began to hurt less. The anxiety lifted. I felt like a different person. I could think about Lynda, look at her pictures, think about her memories and when the occasional tear welled up in my eyes, I could appreciate my feelings and move on. From the moment God snapped His fingers and in the second it took He changed my grief back into joy. I so badly wanted to let satan know without a doubt that he had not been successful in robbing Lynda of her life or of robbing me of my joy. God answered that prayer and I am so thankful. I will always miss Lynda and there will always be things that sneak up on me and bring tears to my eyes. I will also always remember where she is and who she is with. For Lynda (as for all of us who are believers) death is the beginning of life. How ironic that we humans have the whole concept turned upside down. We should grieve for being on this earth and look forward to the day we wing our way to Jesus for life eternal.
I know for me, I spend a lot of time dreaming about the rapture and dreaming of the day that I get to see Jesus and thank Him face-to-face for dying for MY sins and for taking away Lynda's suffering and holding her safely in His arms. It was (and is) hard to realize that my job that God gave me to take care of Lynda is complete. She was a gift and I always knew that. I loved her and still do. God loves her more. I took care of her as she was growing up. HE created her and gave her life itself. He has always had Lynda in His grip and He never let go...not even in death. He just tightened His grip as he carefully drew her soul over to Paradise and everlasting peace and rest. Our God is an awesome God. He is to be worshiped and adored. I will stay on earth as long as God wants me to but I have to tell you...my bag's already packed for heaven. All I need I have and what I have is a ransom note from Jesus saying He's paid for my ticket to heaven. He's prepared a place for me. He's written my name in the book of life along with Lynda Taylor Smith. The only bag I need to pack for heaven is already there and you want to know something? I cannot wait to get to my final destination.
Three weeks on earth can seem like an eternity but it isn't. The Bible says years and years in eternity are only a blink of an eye. 41 years on earth in less than desirable circumstances seems like a lot when you're a mom watching the suffering but the comfort is knowing that in eternity that too was just a blink of an eye. Eternity stretches forever and forever and is more than a human can really grasp. There is really only one important thing to grasp and that is the hand of Jesus that was nailed to the cross for our sins. Eternity isn't a choice. It's going to happen. In fact the minute we were born we began eternity because our soul will live forever. The choice about eternity is where we choose to spend it. I see heaven with pearly gates and roads of gold but I see standing in front of those things my Jesus who is the real entry to heaven. If you've made him your savior, He's going to smile and say to the Father, "This one's with me". If you have not given your life to Jesus you have made a choice nevertheless and that is to hear Jesus say "I don't know you" and I believe all of the Bible and it teaches us that just as there is a heaven there is also a hell. If you haven't made your arrangements for your eternity...it's way more important than pre-planning a funeral. Pre-Plan eternity by giving your life to Jesus and knowing that without a doubt you have a home in heaven.
The best is yet to come. Lynda's life became perfect with the last breath she took 21 days ago on this earth. I celebrate with her... I thank God for her...and I can't wait to see her again!
No comments:
Post a Comment