I
never thought it would be this hard. I guess I thought with the power
of positive thinking, I would escape the deep place that I find myself
in now. Even the knowledge that Lynda is with Jesus in Heaven, that
she is not in pain and the fact that I would never want her to continue
on earth in the condition she was in doesn't comfort me today. There is
absolutely nothing anyone can say that makes
this sadness go away. Yes, I know with time it will be easier. I've
experienced loss before. Right now though things like the fact that the
flood from yesterday caused the grave to sink about a foot with all of
the flowers that had only been on the grave a day floating in
water...something that really isn't important just adds one more shade
of black to the darkness I feel. Someone at the cemetery will fix it
Monday.
So I'm trying to sleep and give my mind and body both a
chance to rest. I'm hoping I'm able to get up Monday and put one foot
in front of the other and go back to school to my students. I can't
wait to see them and all of my colleagues at NPES. Today it takes too
much energy to walk across the room. Maybe tomorrow...
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