Grief

Kathy Anderson Lamb

August 10 near Booneville

Thank you for all of your sweet words of comfort. They are appreciated. Apparently my body needs more than one day to rest. LOL Today was really the first day I've done that. God says that in our weakness His strength is demonstrated. That is certainly true for me right now. Grief is a necessary part of living. It isn't particularly pleasant so we don't really want to do it. Grief isn't the same thing as worry and it certainly isn't an indicator of our faith. Even Jesus prayed in the garden that if God was willing, to take this cup (death on the cross) away from him but finished with but nevertheless not my will but your will be done.

I don't worry about where Lynda is or who she is with. I know the answer to that. I believe, as Becky said God gives us a little grief at a time because we would be overwhelmed to have it all dumped on us at once. In addition, I believe God shelters us from so much of the grief by carrying us through the darkest days. God is carrying me and I am thankful that He is. I spent almost 40 years with Lynda in my life...worrying about her, taking care of her, loving her. As I have said before in my testimony about being Lynda's mother, some of my closest moments with God have come from my experiences in taking care of His special child. I turned Lynda completely over to Him immediately because I knew parenting her was going to take daily miracles that only He could provide. He has never failed me or her although many times I did not understand why things turned out the way they did (e.g., lactose intolerance that prevented Lynda from eating her favorite foods, a stroke when she was ten and child abuse two different times while she was my daughter). I did cry out to God when I sat by Lynda's bed after the stroke as she cried for month after month and I asked "God, I've done what you've asked. Where were you when Lynda needed you?" and I heard his gently reply...I was exactly the same place as when my own son died for you."

From that day on I looked at life differently and I still do. I have a tremendous faith that God is in control and I am so thankful that He is making the decisions like when it was time for Lynda to give up this earthly existence. I am thankful that she is no longer in pain. I am thrilled that she is in Paradise with Jesus. I look forward to getting to see her again when Jesus comes again and gathers us up into the clouds. But like Mary and Martha at the death of Lazarus, I am sad. The Bible says even Jesus wept and He was able to raise Lazarus from the dead. Jesus wept. He felt sadness for his friends who were experiencing a loss.

I know that I will be okay but grief comes in waves and like Brooke said, it's unexpected. I have experienced those waves for Rylee at the most unexpected times. I have felt my breath almost knocked out of my body when something reminded me of my Daddy who passed away 13 years ago. I know I will do the same with Lynda. I don't want to forget her so I'll take the sadness of saying good-bye for a time and along with it the occasional days that are hard to walk through. I certainly covet your prayers as I navigate this new chapter in my life.