Interesting Statements Throughout the Years

Throughout the years that I was Lynda's mother (here on earth) I've had some really interesting (and often irritating) comments made to me throughout the years.  Some of so absurd I had to laugh and some were so maddening that I had to laugh or cry to avoid a long stay at Parchman.

This is one of my all time favorites that people used to ask me. They would also ask my mother.  "Have you turned the little girl back in?"  Or they'd ask my mother at the beauty shop, "Has Kathy turned the little girl in?"
                                                                                Or, Do you still have the little girl?"  "Turning her in" was most commonly used and I'm not talking about one or two people.  I'm talking about many people over and over again.  I never understood it.  It always reminded me of a library book that might be overdue.  When we adopted Lynda it was for keeps.  A forever home for a forever child.  Even as a foster child we wouldn't have "turned her back in".  They might have taken her from us but it would not have been a pretty sight.

I have explained about Lynda's passion for tearing her diapers into tiny pieces of white fluff securing her name of "Snow Queen" for life and how many layers of protection we had to put into her room to keep her safe.  To someone who isn't used to raising a child with special needs it may sound overwhelming.  At times, it may even be overwhelming to those of us who are experienced.  What many people don't understand is that for me (and the majority of parents with kids with disabilities) those things don't make us mad at the child.  When a child like Lynda has no idea what she is doing when she tears her diaper into tiny fluffy pieces (whether it's a fresh diaper or a soiled one) I didn't get mad at her.  Did I like cleaning poop off of every surface of her room and soaking her fingernails in rubbing alcohol to kill the smell?  Nope, wasn't my favorite activity.  Nor is it for zillions of other parents of kids with special needs or teachers of children with special needs.  We don't love that particular activity (or any number of others we could name) but we do love the child. 

I once took her to a neurologist who was late for her appointment and we had waited and waited in a tiny room during Lynda's usual lunch time.  When he came in and began examining her, she bit him.  No one is thrilled about being bitten by a five year old with or without disabilities but his comment hit the wrong nerve with me.  He said I needed to teach her not to bite and went on and on about it.  Now it seems to me that someone who becomes a pediatric neurologist would expect to work with children with neurological problems including children with autism.  Behavior issues should not be a big surprise to someone in that particular profession especially if you're the one who has made the patient wait for an extra hour.  If you know me, it will not be a surprise to know that I told him exactly that and then never used him again.  Oh, and interestingly when I told him we had moved from the Pensacola area he said he had a good friend, John Axley who was a neurologist there.  Not a surprise to me that the two of them were friends.  Dr. Axley was the one we saw when Lynda was in Sacred Heart and he kept telling me that I should just go home and get some rest and come back to get her at the end of the week.  No touch with the reality of the needs of a child with autism in a hospital. 

I wish that I could tell you that all special needs children have parents with the mental stability to understand that some behaviors (such as the ones I described above) demonstrated by children like  Lynda who was severely disabled with autism are part of the disability and not a premeditated attempt to run them crazy.  I wish I could say no teachers are ever abusive to children like Lynda and many others in our public schools. The fact of the matter is that children with disabilities are more likely to be abused than any other group of children.

I made a choice to adopt my daughter with special needs.  I wasn't prepared for it but it was something I wanted to do.    Many people are not expecting to parent a special needs child and they may not feel they have options.  Just as Lynda's parents relinquished custody for Lynda to us that is always an option for a parent who cannot meet the needs of a child with autism without being physically abusive.  There are many more resources available now than back in the 1970's when Lynda became my daughter but there are still not enough.  Parents of children with autism need our support.

I've often wondered why the people asked me repeatedly if we'd "turned her back in"?  I know we were told by many people that adopting a child with special needs would ruin our lives, wreck our marriage and that I was too young to take on such responsibility that would likely last many years.  I was told that I was just young and idealistic.  They were right.  I was just 22 when I first became Lynda's Nana and I was idealistic enough to believe that all children deserved a forever home and that with God's help I could do anything that He had called me to do.



I don't really consider that idealism.  I call it faith.  God calls it obedience.  Lynda knew it as love.  We called it one of the biggest blessings of our lives.