Dancing With Jesus...

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

This is a drawing of a little girl spinning and twirling with Jesus.  The original  drawing was drawn for a little girl with limited mobility.  The opportunity for her to be able to dance with Jesus represents the joy and perfection of heaven itself.  It is true for Lynda, too.  Limited after her stroke for the last thirty years of her life, she could no longer more with the agility that she did as a little girl.  In heaven, I imagine her dancing with Jesus with a perfect body that can glide and move with the skill of the most beautiful ballerina.  Her energy and joy comes from holding the hand of the savior.  What an amazing day it will be to be able to look into the eyes of Jesus who loves us enough to come to earth to secure our place in heaven with Him forever.  

As heaven celebrates the birth of our savior, I cannot imagine how magnificent heaven is but I know that Lynda is there enjoying  her second Christmas in heaven with Jesus and maybe even singing Oh Holy Night with her Dad.  I cannot wait to see her dance her way into my arms again.

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Lynda Had Someone Who Believed in Her...

This is a true statement but isn't it just as true about all children? It could just as easily read "All children just need a little help, a little hope, and someone who believes in them".  Kids with special needs may need varying degrees of help and that might go over the amount that typically developing children require but all children need hope and someone who believes in them.  The problem for kids with special needs is when someone or a lot of someones have the mind set that there is no hope.  With no hope goes finding people who believe it them.  A lot of this can be prevented or attitudes changed by educating the public about what talents and skills kids with special needs have.  If we look only at the struggles a child may be experiencing in a particular area of development we are going to be less likely to see the same child in a positive light for the many gifts and talents he does have in other areas.

God made us all unique and different and those differences are what make us all special.  We shouldn't strive to make cookie cutter kids who all fit the same mold.  It isn't the way God created us and it's not what's best for our world.  We need people who think outside the box.  People who solve problems in unorthodox ways (and many of our children especially on the autism spectrum) will grow up to be our future scientists, inventors, problem solvers IF we nourish them, believe in them and refrain from trying to make every child fit one mold.

Lynda was loved and cherished for exactly the child God created.  I don't know what plans God had for Lynda but I know He used her in mighty ways even though she was essentially non-verbal most of her life.  Those who loved her and were touched by her life carried her hope into classrooms across the nation and continued to bestow the gift of believing in a child with special needs thus influencing the education and improving the quality of life for many other special people.

I know that for over 40 years, Lynda has been my inspiration and motivation to advocate for the rights and needs of children and adults with special needs of all exceptionalities.  Never give up expecting the world to provide for the needs of our special children.  Where there is hope there is energy to keep fighting for people who can often not speak for themselves.

Never stop believing... especially during this season of love when we celebrate the birth of our Lord who gave the ultimate gift for our hope for eternal life.  He believes in us and was willing to die to secure our futures with Him.  All you have to do is believe and give your heart to Christ.  He will give you eternal hope to us as His children who are all in need of the grace He gives freely when we truly believe.

Have a joyous Christmas season.  You have someone who believes in you!

In the Presence of God...

This is Lynda's second Christmas in heaven.  As I've shopped this year, I still see things that I immediately think "Oh, that will be great for Lynda" quickly followed by the realization that buying her gifts is no longer possible.  Sure, I decorate her grave seasonally but there are no presents under the tree.

I went to a Christmas musical festival at church last night and as I listened to the music and watched the depiction of Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus I let my mind imagine Lynda in heaven in the presence of God.  It literally sent chills down my spine.  Russ and I were sitting in worship amazed at the love of our Father to send His only son for our sins and as I watched this awesome performance I thought of the reality of the story being told on this stage.  Jesus is alive in heaven and Lynda is spending eternity with him because of the events we are seeing portrayed in this musical performance.  As a little girl dressed in white and wearing a halo made of shiny silver tinsel leaned down and kissed the face of the baby Jesus actor I thought of how it is possible that angels kiss the face of my little girl and no matter how wonderful this production was it can in no way compare to heaven and the celebration that goes on there every second of every day of eternity.

What present could I ever give Lynda that compares to the one she received when she died and entered paradise and into the presence of God forever and ever.  My heart was overcome with joy and the peace that passes all understanding.  I am more humbled this Christmas than ever before when I realize how blessed my Lynda is and how one day I will see her again.  Oh, how I miss her but how thrilled I am that she is in the presence of God.  While we all struggle with the injustices of this earth, the imperfections of mankind and the influences of satan around every corner we turn...we can hold fast to the knowledge that Christ has already defeated the evil one and he did so by leaving heaven to become a little baby born in a manger.  Come let us adore Him today and every day and let us look forward to the day we too shall stand in the presence of God.

Pure Sunshine....

I just love to look at this sweet picture.  It is one of my favorites.  This is the picture I see when I close my eyes at night and think about the little girl God blessed me with.  I imagine your joy to be magnified beyond what the human mind and heart can comprehend  You are my sunshine, Lynda and always will be.  Shine on, sweet girl.  Make heaven even brighter because you are there!

Oh How I Miss This Little Girl...

It's December.  I took out the big box of ornaments that years ago I had sorted into bags for each of the five children.  I decorated a Christmas tree just for Kristopher with all of the ornaments he had been given as a child.  I put my hand on the bag that held Lynda's special ornaments and I picked the bag up out of the box.  Just as quickly, I replaced it gingerly without glancing at the treasures that it held.  Some of the ornaments that are on Kris's tree are exact duplicates of the ones that are in Lynda's collection.  Many are the precious homemade treasures with sweet pictures made when she was the age she was in this picture...four years old.  There are four Christmases before Kevin was born and three more before Kristopher joined the family.  Somewhere among Lynda's ornaments is the little pipe cleaner circle that she dipped in glue and rolled in glitter.  It hung proudly on the tree for oh so many years.  I can just imagine that she looked very much like the ornament after it had been completed.  There are ornaments with pictures marking each year and handcrafted treasures from aunts and grandmothers throughout the years.  I watched a Hallmark Christmas movie this week that one of the actor's line was:  "Ornaments are memories hanging on limbs of the tree".  This is so true and everything from the smell of a newly cut tree to the carols that are being sung on the radio reminds me of Christmases past and those always included Lynda front and center.

This picture was made the first Christmas that she lived with us in 1975.  She had been our foster daughter for twelve months and we were head over heels in love with this little girl.  The beautiful tree was wired to the wall so that she couldn't pull it down on top of her and we were not opposed to having ornaments rearranged or taken off to be lined up on the floor.  Oh, to be able to go back to this time when our glass was full and life was just beginning for us with Lynda.  I don't have regrets of looking back and wishing I'd spent more time with her or loved her more or adored her more.  I just miss her.  I want to give her the new Christmas sweater I still have hanging in the closet that was supposed to have been her present for last Christmas.  I want more time.  I want more pictures.  I want more memories.  I want all of my children home for Christmas but Lynda is truly home and I can't be there...yet. 

It's strange the things that bring a parent to their knees after the death of a child.  That moment when you realize that the photographs you have tucked away in boxes and scanned into the computer are the only ones you will ever have.  There will never be a picture of the entire family together again.  You know this, of course from the beginning but it's strange that holidays seem to shove that reality right up into your face and it's a hurt that's new all over again. 

I shop for gifts in the stores and I'm immediately drawn to things that are soft and fuzzy and remind me of Lynda.  I know people in stores wonder why I see a pink fuzzy sweater, touch it and burst into tears.  There are certain parts of stores I just try not to go into and I never pass Lynda's favorite candies without touching the bags and thinking of her.  Memories are so intertwined and woven into our lives and I am thankful for them.  Sometimes like when I look at this picture of the angelic little girl, I smile when I remember the photography experience that day.  Oh, how Christmas brings so many memories back of when all of my children were little and how blessed we were as a family.

Our decorations on earth are so superficial when I imagine what heaven looks like all decked out to honor the king of creation.  I am thrilled that Lynda is celebrating with the angels and has her Daddy and grandparents, siblings and aunts and uncles to love on her.  Most of all she has Jesus who prepared a place for her and received her into paradise a little over a year ago.  Praise God for the birth of a savior.  Happy Birthday Baby Jesus.  I'm so glad you came to redeem us and that you love Lynda so much.

My Daughter Wasn't in Ferguson...She was in Magee...

Ferguson has been in the news and my heart hurts for the parents who lost a son, for the police officer who lost a career, for the business owners who have lost their livelihood, for so many who have lost things that cannot be seen.

I was not there,  I do not know exactly what happened but I do know about injustices and things that are unfair.  I did not lose my child to being in an altercation that resulted in death but I did lose my child through child abuse at the hands of adults that caused her to suffer a massive stroke, die and be revived suffering irreparable brain damage.

Did I wish that there could be justice for Lynda?  Yes, I did.  Did I feel that children with special needs had been discriminated against for years and that it didn't appear on many levels that we were making any progress in equal treatment for individuals with disabilities?  Yes!  A resounding, yes!

I understand how it feels to be disenfranchised because I experienced it with my daughter every day of her life.  I have stood before superintendents of education in a school law graduate level course and had them tell me to my face that my child did not deserve educational funding (or those like her) because they were not contributing members of society and would never be.  How these men could have the crystal ball to know that all of the "typically developing students" they spent their educational dollars on would turn out to be contributing members of society was beyond me.

I experienced utter despair to find my child had been abused and that she would never live the life she had lived previously.  I was thrust into the role of providing around the clock care for a child who would forever remain a child.  Her chances of advancement had been stolen from her.  The child we knew died that day.

So while the circumstances in Ferguson are extremely different from our own situation...there are enough similarities that I stand dumbfounded at the responses of men and women in Ferguson and across the nation to burn and destroy businesses in the town of Ferguson in the name of protest for the loss of this young man.  The business owners had nothing to do with any of the events and to destroy their lives in protest makes no sense.  It makes no more sense than had my husband and I began to rally people to burn and loot businesses in Magee, Mississippi after Lynda's abuse and stroke.

Those participating in the burning and looting did so feeling it was a way to protest inequality of treatment for many years in Ferguson.  I do not know if it is true or not but it is beside the point.  I know for a fact that disabled children were and are mistreated daily.  Their families have to constantly beg for services that should be afforded them strictly because it is the right thing to do.

I don't know what the answer to bridging the gap between the white and black population in Ferguson or in our nation anymore than I know how to assure children with disabilities to receive an equal and equitable education in cities throughout our nation.  I just don't see the correlation between violence and rioting, laying down in the streets on black Friday to protest people shopping and affecting the changes that are needed.

I guess there is a level of control that we parents of children with special needs have to keep in check because if we gave into it, we could burn the cities to the ground if we allowed our hearts to rule and we might somehow be able to spin it as the "right thing to do" because no one was paying attention and a decision was made that seems to only reinforce the fact that our side is always ignored and the bad guys are never punished and things will never change.

As I've said repeatedly, I don't know the answer.  I do know that penalizing innocent people for something they had no control over whatsoever regardless of the hopelessness felt is not the answer.  It is important to affect change.  It's also important to keep our eyes firmly planted on what we are trying to accomplish in affecting that change and not let anger override reason.

I pray for Ferguson.  I still pray for those who were at Millcreek in Magee when they made choices that changed my life forever and that of my daughter.  I hope you will join with me to pray for peace in Ferguson and for God to use what is intended for evil as good.  It's the only real answer.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

Memories from times when Lynda was small
The pats on my back when we walked down the hall
Claps when she was happy while her favorite songs we would sing
These are a few of my favorite things.

A white haired little girl that smiled when she saw me
The smell of gingerbread cookies, cinnamon and cedar trees
The warmth and love that Lynda’s hugs would bring
These are a few of my favorite things.

My little girl in her white fur coat so soft and fuzzy
Her blue eyes sparkling and her cheeks oh so rosy
Sitting by the tree watching the lights twinkle and the joy that would bring
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the memories flood
When the tears sting
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.

Last Night At Cracker Barrel...

Russ and I had gone to Cracker Barrel for soup last night and while we were waiting for our meal, I went out into the store area to look at the Christmas trees they were decorating.  I was standing at the front of the store by a tree when a family entered pushing their son in a wheelchair.  He appeared to be in his twenties and as soon as he was pushed through the door enough to see the trees and the lights, he began to clap.  When the rest of the family arrived after parking the car,  they were seated in the dining room adjacent to ours.

His clapping reminded me so much of Lynda.  I wanted to ask our waitress if we could move to a table in the room where he and his family were eating.  I knew I couldn't be responsible for my emotions so I stayed where I was.  When we had finished eating and Russ was about to pay the bill, I told him I had to walk into the other room and see the young man once more.  I peeped in and realized I could sit at our table where Russ had been sitting and glimpse the boy and his mother and daddy.  He was being fed (as Lynda was) and drink from a sippee cup with a built in straw.  After most bites, he clapped.  I watched and found myself wanting to know his name.  I wanted to know if he also patted his family on the back like Lynda did us.  I sat for a few minutes until the tears began to roll down my cheeks.  I didn't want to leave and I knew I couldn't form words to communicate with the family.   I retained my composure enough to walk through the restaurant to the bathroom and hide in a stall as the tears could not longer being contained.

Not all people with autism clap but Lynda and this young man shared a love of expressing their pleasure through clapping.  I felt like for a few minutes Lynda was with me.  At the same time as I had watched this boy, I wanted to go to visit her and see her clap her hands in excitement when she heard my voice.  The finality of the realization that this was not going to happen again on this side of heaven was again a punch to the gut.

I appreciate the fact that I was there when this special young man came to have dinner at Cracker Barrel.  Lynda loved the lights on the Christmas trees like he did and she clapped just for general purposes that only she deemed enjoyable and worthy of a rousing round of clapping.

Now Lynda is clapping for Jesus and I'd like to think He is joining her in joyous clapping as Lynda worships our God and Father.  I thank God for Lynda and I thank God for allowing me to be at Cracker Barrel at the same time as this young man.  He blessed my heart and reminded me that Lynda is still clapping and is happy and loved in heaven.

Gone to Dad's...

How wonderful to be adopted into the family of God with Jesus as my big brother!  It is comforting to know that Lynda has the best big brother ever who did come back for her.  Jesus picked her up and carried her back to heaven to the place that had been prepared especially for her.

My relationship with God isn't one that leaves me wondering if He hears me or knows if I'm here.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that before the beginning of time, God has been preparing a place for me and for all those who surrender their lives to Jesus.

No matter how much I miss Lynda, I never have to wonder where she is or who she's with.  I don't have any doubt that every little detail had already been completed before the angels had winged their way with Lynda to paradise.  God became man and died on the cross.  No matter how many people reject the idea as being too unlikely to be real or feel they've got life all figured out without including Jesus...He DID leave heaven to become the living sacrifice for me (and for you).  He HAS gone to prepare a place for YOU and if you believe in HIM and profess your faith in HIM, he will write your name in the book of life and will hand you the keys to a mansion built for an eternity in heaven.  He's gone to prepare it for you.

I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to know that the grave is not the end, that eternity isn't an endless experience of floating on a cloud...it is real spent with a heavenly father who loves us like a daddy and His son who became our living sacrifice and stands in the gap for us before the Father with the Holy Spirit who intercedes on our behalf.  I don't know what heaven is like down to the details because God hasn't shared that with us yet.  No use to even try because while we are still in our earthly bodies with our earthly minds, we can't grasp the magnitude of it all anyway.  All I have to know is God is good, His mercy is everlasting and His truth endures forever.

I still think of you...

Lynda will always be in my heart and it is true her memories come back to me at unlikely times.  I have found that since she died I try to keep busy but even in the middle of that "busy"...there are the triggers that open the flood gates of memories.  And there she is little and blond with that infectious laugh and the impish grin.  I want to just scoop her up and hug her.  Lay next to her as she sucks her thumb and rubs the satin on the edge of her blanket after she's just had a bath and is dressed in her footie pajamas.  How thankful I am to have those memories that allow me to remember the blessings that God gave me with Lynda.  Even more importantly, how thankful I am to know that she is in heaven with a life that has just begun for her.  How sad it is to think of those who believe life ends here with the grave. 

My heart is healing a little more each day and yet...some days it breaks again with raw sorrow as I look at a family picture and realize one of my children is gone from this earth.  It is a reality that I have to continue to explain to my heart over again and again.  I am not the first mother to lose a child and unfortunately I will not be the last.  If you have already traveled this road ahead of me you know that some days are easier than others.  You know the twists and turns and surprises around each curve that life throws along the road to acceptance that life is forever changed with the loss of a child.

My daughter had special needs and lived far longer than the doctors predicted.  Yet, we were not prepared for the sudden decline she experienced and we would never had been ready to say good-bye.  I have a promise that I hold tightly to and that is that God has Lynda securely in his care and that I will live eternally with her.  Whether that is 30 years from now or tomorrow...it is but a blink of an eye compared to eternity so I wipe my eyes and focus them on the promise of seeing Lynda soon.  I get pretty excited when I think about heaven, Jesus and the loved ones that are waiting.  Praise God for keeping His promises and for preparing a place for us with Him!!!

How talking to the bank can break your broken heart..

When Lynda died we began a memorial fund with hopes of raising money to purchase needed items for the Scott Center Child Development Center's playground.  That's where Lynda had gone to school from the time she was five until she turned twenty-two.  They needed a awning for their playground.  We had dreams of funding that project and then moving on to other programs that served children with autism.

We went to the bank the same day that we went to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for her celebration of life service and to the florist to choose the flowers.   I remember that day like it is playing in slow motion.  No matter how hard I tried, I could not shake the irony that this was the first time I had ever had an occasion to buy flowers for Lynda in all the years that she was my daughter.  It was also the only time I could open a bank account in her name.  No proms or parties.  No checking accounts like we had opened for the boys when they graduated from high school.

We chose the bank  because we had banked there when we lived in Oxford.  We knew that the bank's president would make the whole process as painless as possible and he did.  Within minutes we had the account set up without the normal fees and strings attached since it was being used for a memorial fund.  Statements came each month and for a while, I opened them and looked at them.  When the amount failed to grow, I stopped opening them and simply put them into the "Lynda Box".

I've never really understood why only the school that Russ and I teach for, NMRC where Lynda lived and a small handful of friends came to pay their respects to Lynda or to send flowers or make a donation to the memorial fund.  Who knows why some causes yield huge returns and others do not?  I have no answers and I no longer have the questions of why.  I have simply learned to accept that it is like so many other things that have occurred in Lynda's life.  It is unfair.  It is sad.  It is the part of the serenity prayer of accepting the things I cannot change.

A few days ago, I absentmindedly opened the bank statement and stared at the $5.00 "dormant account" fee that had been charged to the account.  I put the statement in my purse and today asked Russ to call the bank and explain to them that we were not supposed to have any fees like this for the account.  I expected it to be a simple clerical error.  I expected a simple resolution.  I was wrong.  As he spoke to the person, he was told that they couldn't discuss it with him because he wasn't listed on the account.  He brought the phone to me and I tried to explain to the lady at the bank that this was a memorial fund and the fees had been waived and could she please just look at the account and see if the $5.00 fee had been charged on previous months and if so, put the fees back and well...just fix it, please.  I asked her to just talk to the bank president who I learned had retired.  Was there someone else that I knew at the bank?  My mind went blank so she began to explain the "dormant fee" to me and what it was and why the account was being charged the fee.  I felt my heart begin to come up into my throat as I was trying to speak and I asked her what I needed to do to give Russ permission for her to speak to her on my behalf.  She didn't seem to hear my words although I was sure I was speaking.  She continued to try to explain to me that some fees had been waived but this was the "dormant fee" that I assured her I knew because that was what I told her was charged to the account erroneously when I first spoke to her.  I kept trying to ask what was necessary to give Russ permission to speak on my behalf and I realized she and I were on two different planets.  I was standing in front of my school after the children had left and was trying to explain to someone on the other end of the phone that this account was a memorial fund for my daughter and it was quite painful to have to discuss it which was why I wanted Russ to talk to her on my behalf.  SO I answered three security questions.  Where was my first job?  My mind could barely recall.  And on and on.  Finally I handed the phone to Russ and went back inside.  What seemed like ages passed before he came back inside and this is what he said.

The woman's only solution to our problem was to:  A-  The bank would return the seven month's "dormant account fee" money to the account if we agreed to close the account or  B-  We could keep the account and forfeit the $35 deducted from Lynda's account.  When he asked to speak to her supervisor things didn't go well.  Someone did return his call but it not to provide any other solution.  Russ asked to speak to the new bank president and was told he wasn't in but that Russ had already made one bank employee cry.  Oh, my goodness.  We are trying to explain to this woman about the fees being charged to our dead daughter's memorial fund and her insensitivity to the nature of how difficult it is to see a fourth of the fund being sucked out for this fee.   A fee that we had assumed was being waived when "all fees" were waived upon opening of the account --- which seems to have begun a month or two after the  retirement of the bank president.

I am usually pretty sensitive to other people's feelings but this one blew my mind.  The bank representative who called us back was concerned about the bank lady's feelings being hurt because Russ asked to speak to her supervisor but she had no concerns at all for the mother of the child whose name was on the memorial checking account.  This is the same bank we had had personal accounts and our business accounts for over thirty years but even without this fact, couldn't someone be compassionate about a memorial fund account that bears the name of a family's daughter?

I am reminded of a favorite saying that I have in my classroom.  "Remember that each child in your classroom is the center of someone's world".  As a teacher, I do pray that that is true for each of my children.  For me, Lynda was the center of my world.  It's not so much the money because it is not much.  It is the insult to injury that this whole problem with the bank brought about.  It is the bright light that it forced me to shine on the idea of a memorial fund in the first place.  I clung to the hope that we would be able to give back in Lynda's name and help others like her.  Now, I guess the prudent thing is to just not do what the bank suggested and let them refund the money and close the account.  I just hate to dissolve something I had prayed so hard for to keep a little bit of Lynda's legacy alive.

Keep Calm...

 

Just let that sink in.  The King of the universe is preparing a place for YOU, if He is your King.  It brings a different perspective on keeping calm, doesn't it?  God cares for me.  He cares for you.  We are not going to be stuck on this earth forever in these often ungodly circumstances.  During every moment that we take a breath, God is preparing a place for us and that place is in heaven with Him.  

We may worry and struggle with earthly problems and many people don't know where their next meal is coming from or where they will lay their heads down each night.  Most of us don't worry about those type problems.  Now we worry about ISIS, ebola and dread even turning on the news each night.  We have a promise if we are children of the King that should bring us the ultimate calmness in our souls.  No matter what happens here on earth, we're just here for a season.  The King is preparing a place for us and we will see His face and see our loved ones again and spend eternity with them.  

What a wonderful promise God has given his children.  We are not worthy of spending eternity in heaven with Him but salvation isn't based on our worth but of Christ's who died for us.  Hallelujah for grace.  I praise you Father and thank you for your promise to see my Lynda again.

Wish you were here so I coud hug you...

But knowing that Jesus is hugging you every day just puts a smile on my face and brings peace to my heart.

Time in Heaven....But the "Blink Of An Eye

Happy Birthday, Lynda...

 Heaven is one huge celebration every day.  I have no doubt about this because God is in heaven and those who are with Him have nothing to do but worship Him and celebrate the fact that He sent His son to procure our salvation on the cross.  I miss Lynda every day and especially on her birthday I am reminded of her sweet spirit and gentle pats on my back.  How I would love to be sitting with her watching her enjoy cake and a coke.  

 I was blessed to be Lynda's mother and to watch her brothers grow up to love and respect her.  As she gently patted her brother Kevin as a baby, he carefully watched over her at NMRC through his job as a recreational therapist.  Kristopher and Kevin are wonderful men and I believe part of their caring and understanding comes from knowing and loving Lynda as they were growing up.

Forty-three years ago today a chubby little 9 lb. 14 oz. baby was born in Brewton, Alabama.  Three and a half years later, she became my daughter.  The same heavenly Father who knitted her in her mother's womb now holds her in His arms in heaven.

May the angels sing you Happy Birthday today Lynda and I hope it will still put a smile on your face as it always did when it was sung to you here on earth.  Your favorite song ever and always finished with a rousing round of applause and a great big smile.

I thank God for you.  Happy Birthday.

Thanks...

We continue to be humbled and uplifted by the support that Lynda's blog has received.  Thank you and please continue to share the blog with others.  God continues to use our sweet daughter Lynda to teach others about children with special needs.

Freedom On Earth is Nothing Like Freedom in Heaven

Freedom on earth for Lynda is exemplified by this picture of her swinging.  I've posted it before.  It's one of my favorite pictures of her.  She had learned to swing all by herself and she was transported to a place that she loved with the air blowing in her face and the ability to pump her legs to keep it going.  Look at the expression on her sweet face.  It says it all!  Ahhh....I'm flying and it's fun.  Nothing is holding me back.  She actually had such a perfect little body.  I can still feel those sweet arms hugging me as she practically jumped out of the swing when she was "all done".  Oh, to be able to turn back time to this time in our lives before the stroke. 

I look at this picture and it is comforting to me because her freedom on earth swinging as high as she could is nothing compared to soaring in flight with angels into paradise.  Gravity doesn't hold her back and neither does a crippled worn out body.  She is brand new and the sky isn't even the limit.  There are no limits to what she is able to do.  We as mothers all want what's best for our children.  Of course, we want them by our side forever.  This wasn't to be for Lynda and as her Nana I can't honestly wish it had been.  She was always a free spirit.  She was held back for some 40 years but now eternity stretches before her and I gain great pleasure in thinking about the delights God is sharing with her each day.  She is the daughter of the King of the universe.  Once considered disabled and not worthy of many things the world offered she now is walking the streets of gold and dancing on the stars.  She has so many family members there to love on her that the pain she endured is beginning to fade from my memories and is replaced by my visions of paradise with Lynda smack dab in the middle of it!  I choose to celebrate her entrance into paradise rather than mourn my own personal loss.  Just like people used to tell me that they couldn't be a foster parent because they would get to attached to the kids and they wouldn't be able to give them up.  It would be too sad.  My response was always that it hurts us too but it's not about us.  It's about helping the kids. 

Giving up Lynda was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it's not about me.  It's about Lynda and it was the best thing that will ever happen to her.  For her I am happy.  For her departure from earth, the tears come less and less.  My heart always misses her and there are days I can hardly breath thinking about the little blond that I would so love to kiss and hold.  She is forever loved and missed but I know where she is and I rejoice that she's there having the time of her life.  What mother could ask for anything better for a daughter she adores?

Do Not Be Deceived....

Lynda's life was too short.  There is never a time that a mother stands before her child's grave and feels any human emotion except that a mother should not bury her child.  However, I can stand before her grave knowing that she is not there.  The grave is certainly not the end but really the beginning.

Yes, it's difficult for our human minds to wrap around God's plan of salvation with God sending His only son.  For those who live by faith in something they cannot see, we follow a risen savior.  I've had so many people ask me how we can deserve such a gift and the answer is we cannot.  There is nothing we can do to warrant the grace that came with the gift of Jesus on the cross.  No matter what we do we cannot be "good enough" to deserve salvation.  No matter how "bad" we are there is nothing that can stand between our salvation when we put our faith in Jesus.  It's so simple it trips a lot of people up.

Lynda was special.  She was a "forever child" who never grew beyond the developmental age of a young child.  Her life her on earth was not easy and was often filled with pain and suffering.  Thank God that this life is short compared to heaven which is forever.  I will forever be Lynda's mother and I will always miss her.  I cannot wait to see her again as God promises.  I know that my redeemer lives!

Nana's Angel

The first thing that I notice about this picture is the happiness on both our faces.  Lynda was almost four.  I had been her Nana for several months and she was to the point that she didn't fight me when I held her.  She actually enjoyed it as is obvious in this picture.  She was cutting those eyes around at her Daddy who was taking the picture.  Truly one of the moments that I'm thankful was captured on film.  I was oh so young and head over hills in love with this little blond haired bombshell.

By the time this picture was taken, Lynda had already melted my heart by calling me "nana" when she was in the hospital after having a seizure lasting for hours.  I had gone from shoulder length hair to this "short do" because I could more easily wash it and style it with one hand holding Lynda.  I was clearly learning to adapt.  And so was Lynda.  She had never had anyone suggest she might eat with a spoon instead of her hands or sleep in a bed during the night.  I look at our picture and for now  I don't remember the years that followed.  I'm just drawn into the memories of the early years with Lynda and I smile when I think of her and that time in my life.

Yes, it has been a year since Lynda left earth to be carried to heaven by Jesus and His angels.  My heart has experienced every emotion not once but hundreds of times in the past 365 days.  I've wondered during the year what I would feel and do when the anniversary of that day rolled around.  What God has helped me to be able to do is celebrate the years He loaned Lynda to me as my daughter and to praise Him for gathering her frail body up from this earth and transforming her into a new creature in heaven.

It is just human nature to remember the day a year later that she became ill and entered the emergency room.  The day she went on a respirator and the struggles she had while in intensive care.  To remember the day we got the news that she was beyond hope for recovery and the decision to remove her from the respirator so she could play with her toys and move upstairs to hospice.  To remember the last night I held her in my arms throughout the night while I sang every song I knew to her as I watched her slip closer and closer to heaven.

But that is exactly what happened.  The worse the conditions became for her on earth, the closer she was to being eternally perfect and in the presence of God.  It is possible to mourn the loss of a loved one while dancing for joy at the same time.  This earth was never meant to be Lynda's home.  She was just passing through and when she did she touched the lives and hearts of many people.  I cannot wait to join Lynda in heaven and sit for eternity listening to the sweet voice that I have only heard speak eight or nine words.  I long to hold her in my arms and tell her she blessed my life and how thankful I am to have known her and to have been chosen by God to be her mother.

Happy first year anniversary of your first day in heaven, Lynda.  I know you are dancing on stars and those of us who knew you here praise God for you and I celebrate you today with joy in my heart.

Be Joyful...

Thank You For Reading Lynda's Blog...

This has been such a difficult year for our family with the loss of our daughter, Lynda.  We appreciate the time you have taken to follow the blog about her life.  Lynda's life has influenced many people and we hope that you have received a blessing from the blog about our special girl.

A Joyful Dance...

As the days of summer come quickly to an end it also marks the one year anniversary of Lynda's leaving her earthly body and entering into paradise with a perfect body and mind.  I cannot be silent and must sing praises to you Lord for loving Lynda and for rescuing her from this world of pain.

I will give you thanks forever and even though my heart is heavy from missing my sweet girl and I have struggled to know how to handle the emotions that I'm afraid will creep in in a couple of weeks---I am celebrating the fact that you have indeed taken away my sorrow and changed it into a joyful dance.  How can I not be joyful for Lynda who has overcome death to live eternally with God the father, Jesus the son and the Holy Spirit forever and forever?  I will not cry over my loss but rejoice over her victory.  I sing praise to you, Lord for you ARE my God and I will give you thanks forever!

You have replaced my sadness with joy and that is a miracle.  Thank you Father for wrapping your arms around me and for carrying me through some dark times. I want to emerge victorious on August 3rd and see only the joy in the situation that to be absent from the body is to be present with Jesus.

Tucked Inside a Place Called Nostalgia...

Every day that goes by I pray that my heart will be strong enough to keep beating when the first anniversary of your earthly death arrives.  I am blessed to be able to look beyond the grave through Christ's sacrifice to see you eternally alive but I am still left with this mother's heart that is breaking all over again.

July 2nd---Eleven Months

I love this picture of Lynda.  It was made at special olympics at the activity

center in Oxford.  Not the same year that I told her to "take off" and she took her pants off at the start signal for the 50 yard dash but probably a year or two later.  She was just playing with some of the equipment and someone (or two or twenty) people were assigned to keep up with her for the day.  I never had any doubt that the people who worked and volunteered with OCDC and Lynda were tired at the end of the day.  She covered a lot of territory and so did those working to keep up with Lynda.

One of the things that I love about this picture is how it truly captured Lynda's personality.  If you knew her as a little girl you can practically expect her to walk off the page.  This picture captures her true essence at this age.  She was perceptual motion, laughter and total abandonment all rolled up into one cute little blond bombshell.  Every day was an adventure for Lynda and for those of us who were lucky enough to know her and be a part of her world.  

She had long, slender fingers and hands that her grandmother Anderson always said were meant to play the piano.  Lynda used them to her advantage to be able to reach objects that we all assumed were far out of her reach.  It was about this age that we coined the term "stretch armstrong" for her because of those beautifully skilled hands and arms at reaching the unreachable.  

Lynda has reached the unreachable for sure now.  She spent almost 43 years on earth and now walks with Jesus in heaven.  During the past 11 months since Lynda died time has seem to morph into a different system of keeping pace.  It just seems like every day without her is longer than 24 hours and the years before the stroke seem to be a million years ago.

I have prepared myself for this month of July a year after Lynda became ill enough to enter intensive care.  I have cautioned my heart that it will have to hold even more love and that it cannot break anymore.  I've reminded my brain that Lynda is with the One who created her and that she wants for nothing so that I can walk through the first year anniversary of the things that are not celebrations but remembrances of things I would just as soon forget.  I have done all of these things because I want to look toward heaven and smile at the victory Jesus has provided for Lynda...even on the one year anniversary of the day she crossed over from this world to that of eternal sunshine.  

God has been good to me and has held my heart in his arms as only He can do.  I trust Him to carry me through the coming month and August 2nd when we will celebrate Lynda's victory over death.  I love looking at this picture of total happiness and imagining what she must be experiencing now.  How my mother's heart bursts with joy as I rest in the knowledge that she has overcome the world and walks among the angels.

What A Difference A Year Can Make...

In the stack of mail yesterday was a letter from social services at NMRC. It's now been a year since Lynda became ill and ultimately passed away on August 2nd. there were a few pieces of information that continued to come after her death but I haven't gotten anything from NMRC in several months. When I saw the envelope, I of course wondered what it could be but I just thought it might be something related to the picture they had hung of Lynda or maybe some event they thought we might be interested in attending. I opened it and it was the recreation therapy schedule for the month of July. Every month, parents and guardians received a schedule of the activities that rec therapy (which was Kevin's department at NMRC) would be providing for the clients each day and at night. They might go bowling, have a dance or Lynda's favorite---go for rides in the van. How we got "back" on the mailing list after Lynda's death is one of those computer glitches. I know they have deleted our name from the list because for almost a year, we haven't received anything. Yet, somehow here it was in the mail and in my trembling hands.

I quickly told my brain (and my heart) this was okay. I didn't read anything on the page. I just folded it back up and put it back into the envelope. As Russ walked in from outside, he could tell I was visibly shaken so I just held up the envelope and handed it to him and kept walking to the back of the house. All the way down the hall I kept telling myself to think of something else. Think of something else but the great big letters J U L Y kept flashing in my mind and by the time Russ made it back to the bedroom I was sobbing. The things we have taken for granted for so many years suddenly become painful reminders of how life can change in a flash and in a flash...a whole year can be rolled back to when the grief is so fresh and raw. It was a strange mixture of bittersweet feelings. So thankful that she had been at NMRC where there was a whole page devoted each month to activities planned for the clients based on their needs AND the realization yet again that Lynda was no longer at NMRC and just a few miles away in Oxford.

It's not hard to redirect my heart to heaven where I know God has the most fabulous activities planned daily for Lynda and her friends. I smile thinking of how much fun she must be having. It just never ceases to amaze me at how the heart has a mind all its own. You can't reason with your heart any more than you can try to hold the wind in your hand. So...might as well just go with the ebb and flow of these emotions God has given me all wrapped up in the title of being a mother. And for that I am blessed and wouldn't change a thing. God is good all the time!

Inspiration....

I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard the phrase "it takes a special kind of person to care for a child with special needs"...When I taught a class at Scott Center for children with multiple exceptionalities, the staff used to joke about the "stars in our crowns" because we had been told so many times that we would have them...stars in our crowns, that is.

I think all of the other teachers felt the same as I did (and do)...it would be the kids who had the crowns and the stars.   None of us felt that we were doing anything that was deserving of crowns or stars for them.  We were doing what we loved and we felt we had the best kept secret in the world.  We were the ones who had the best jobs in the world working with the coolest kids ever and we could never understand all of the fuss.

A child certainly inspired me to be a special kind of person...one who teaches children with special needs.  I suppose it does take a special kind of person to care for a child with special needs...  It takes someone who is willing to be inspired by the child whom we are privileged to care for.  Lynda continues to inspire me even after she is no longer with me on this earth.  She is the reason I aspire to be the best special education teacher that I can be and why I so willingly continue to advocate for those who cannot speak for themselves.  Lynda will forever be my inspiration.  She will forever be the reason that I do what I do.

Smile Because It Happened....

Today I was thinking about the summer.  We've already been to the beach and the summer has just begun and I want to go back.  I want to go back to the beach and the way we feel when we're "at the beach".  I want to go back to the time that Lynda was little and her presence was more than a memory. I want to go back but I can't.  None of us can really.

So it got me to thinking about how quickly life can change in a moment.  Sixty seconds can change a life and nothing will ever be just the same.  However, it works both ways;  good and bad.  Wonder why we only dwell on the ways that life changes in ways we don't prefer?  Every minute of every day God is making changes in our lives that we all too often just take for granted.  So it got me to thinking today---why can't we live every day like we're at the beach.  We still have the wonderful memories of the gentle waves coming in to the shore until the waves seem to be too full to move another inch and they explode and ricochet from one side to the other.  I love to watch the white froth spill over and the water rush to the shore.  Then as if by magic, the water is sucked back into the ocean and the white sand seems to dry as the wave returns to get ready for its next arrival.  I can hear it in my ears and I can feel the rumbles.  If I close my eyes, I'm there again.  The sounds of the birds and the squeals of the kids playing.  I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and in my mind, I'm there again.

I would love to live there every day and for five glorious years, we did live at the beach.  Earlier years with Lynda in Alabama we were just an hour and a half away from paradise.  Her hair was the color of the white sands of the emerald coast and the vastness of the ocean only intensified how small she was in comparison.  I think of her now and I try in my human mind to comprehend how much more wonderful heaven is than the most beautiful place I've seen on earth.

As the summer begins, I can't help but be reminded that it was this time last year that Lynda's health issues began with a blood clot in her leg and culminated with her death at the beginning of August.  However, Lynda's life was so much more than June to August of last year.  For all of the days and months and years that God shared Lynda with me, I am so thankful.  I can close my eyes and still hear her sweet voice.  I can feel her hand on my shoulder. 

When I think of Lynda, I have to smile.  When I think of heaven, I know it's not really over.  

Nine Thousand Views Humbles Us....

We are humbled by your support by viewing and reading Lynda's blog.  As summer has arrived, the loss seems to be magnified as we approach the one year anniversary of her death.  How I wish I could spend time with her today and feel her sweet pats on my back as we walked together.  Thank you for continuing to pray for our family.  God is so good all of the time!

Ten Months Ago Today....

Ten months today, Lynda went to be with the Lord in paradise.  This past week-end, Russ and I went to Destin for a few days and I planned to come back through Brewton, Alabama where Lynda was born and became my daughter.  The closer the time came to heading home, the more convinced I became that I could not go back to the house we lived in or walk the sidewalks she and I walked so many times.  No matter how much I'd like to go...I couldn't.  Not yet.

The beach reminded me of Lynda.  Actually, everything about everything reminds me of Lynda now that I'm out of school and my mind is quiet.  She loved the outdoors.  She loved the beach.  She LOVED water and she was fearless.  The little water wings she's wearing in the pictures is strictly for those of us with her.  SHE did not need them to dog paddle around the pool and she certainly didn't need them to put her head under the water and  hold her breath for far longer than I could hold mine waiting for her to surface.

Lynda LOVED water.  In the bathtub.  In the fountain in the Pensacola mall.  In the pool.  She just loved everything about it.  When she was in water she was free and she was the happiest of happy. Just look at the expression on this sweet face.  You don't need to even see her mouth to know that she was grinning from ear to ear and splashing and kicking and having a blast.

I walked through Cracker Barrel this morning and everything I looked at reminded me of something I would have bought for her.  Lynda was summertime.  She was sunshine and pools and beaches.  I dressed her in aquas and pinks....all of the colors that are everywhere at this time of the year.  I don't guess I will ever get out of the habit of seeing clothes and for a split second find myself looking for her size.  Today grief rolled over me like the huge waves in the gulf.  I was surprised at the intensity.  I was surprised it could slip up on me so unexpectedly and knock the wind out of my gut as if I was hit square in the heart.  It was raw and it amazed me when my heart broke again as I approached summer but this time without her.  I couldn't run over to Oxford to see her.  No new revelation since I had just visited her grave before we left for Florida yet it was as if I had heard for the first time of her death. I stood in the middle of Cracker Barrel in Tupelo, Mississippi and heard my heart tell my brain as if for the first time...she's gone.  She's really gone.  Not forever because I know I'll see her again one day but today I wasn't thinking about the "by and by in heaven".  I was thinking of the "here and now of earth" and I was NOT expecting it to hurt so much again.

Yes, I have been dreading June turning into July and the one year anniversary of "the day she went to the emergency room", "the day she went on the respirator", "the day we removed her from the respirator"... Why can't my mind skip over these months.  I do know how the story ended after all and I'm not eager to relive each detail again.  So I try and steel my emotions and keep very busy.  My logical mind tries to reason with my mother's heart that we would be better off to try not to dwell on those things but instead think of the good times.  And so I do but I haven't mastered this grieving thing yet and some days it slips up on me and threatens to pull me down like the riptide.  I can waste all of my energy trying to swim against the flow or just finally save my energy and swim parallel with the shore till I'm out of the tug of the riptide's force.  I can survive that way.  To continue to fight the riptide is not beneficial of safe.  Many don't survive.  I am a survivor.  Lynda has taught me that through her example.  Because of being Lynda's Nana I can take the words of Lee Ann Womack's "I Hope You'll Dance" song to heart.

                                                            Because I Am Lynda's Nana      

I will never lose my sense of wonder,
I may get my fill to eat but will always keep that hunger,
I will NEVER take one single breath for granted,
and because of you love will never leave me empty handed,
I still feel small when I stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I know one more opens,
I promise that because of you I will always give faith a fighting chance,
And when I get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I'll always dance....I'll ALWAYS dance!

Lynda I know you're dancing in heaven and because I know this to be true...when I have the change to sit it out or dance...I'LL ALWAYS DANCE!  I may sit it out for a day or so like today but I'll be back up dancing because I know I'm going to see you again.  Hope you're swimming in heaven and dancing on the stars.