I still think of you...

Lynda will always be in my heart and it is true her memories come back to me at unlikely times.  I have found that since she died I try to keep busy but even in the middle of that "busy"...there are the triggers that open the flood gates of memories.  And there she is little and blond with that infectious laugh and the impish grin.  I want to just scoop her up and hug her.  Lay next to her as she sucks her thumb and rubs the satin on the edge of her blanket after she's just had a bath and is dressed in her footie pajamas.  How thankful I am to have those memories that allow me to remember the blessings that God gave me with Lynda.  Even more importantly, how thankful I am to know that she is in heaven with a life that has just begun for her.  How sad it is to think of those who believe life ends here with the grave. 

My heart is healing a little more each day and yet...some days it breaks again with raw sorrow as I look at a family picture and realize one of my children is gone from this earth.  It is a reality that I have to continue to explain to my heart over again and again.  I am not the first mother to lose a child and unfortunately I will not be the last.  If you have already traveled this road ahead of me you know that some days are easier than others.  You know the twists and turns and surprises around each curve that life throws along the road to acceptance that life is forever changed with the loss of a child.

My daughter had special needs and lived far longer than the doctors predicted.  Yet, we were not prepared for the sudden decline she experienced and we would never had been ready to say good-bye.  I have a promise that I hold tightly to and that is that God has Lynda securely in his care and that I will live eternally with her.  Whether that is 30 years from now or tomorrow...it is but a blink of an eye compared to eternity so I wipe my eyes and focus them on the promise of seeing Lynda soon.  I get pretty excited when I think about heaven, Jesus and the loved ones that are waiting.  Praise God for keeping His promises and for preparing a place for us with Him!!!