God's Gifts

This little drawing reminded me of God's gift of Lynda in our lives.  When we were obedient to God's call to foster a special needs child and to ultimately give her a forever home, we received a gift of love.  We had to reach out our arms to welcome her and in doing so we were blessed with a life that we could not have imagined without her.  Lynda guided our life choices.  She painted our world in colors of acceptance of small accomplishments and taught us way more than we ever taught her.  All of God's gifts are like this really.  He is standing ready to give us blessings but we have to open our hearts to receive them.  The gift of salvation is the ultimate example of this love he has for us.  John 3:16 tells us that God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  He wants every single person ever born to be saved but it's up to us ti reach out and accept the gift.

For 42 years we had the gift of Lynda in our lives on this earth but as we had always known, this earth was not her home.  One day far to early for us, she went to be with Jesus.  As I held her body next to mine on that day in August two years ago, I knew that I would see her again.  I knew that she was with Jesus.  I knew this because the Bible has God's promises written for me to read.  It told me that he was preparing a place for me one day and that I'd see Lynda again.  

So like the figure in the drawing, I once again opened my heart and arms to Jesus and I released Lynda to him.  Freely he gave his life for us to live with him eternally and there was no way that Imy heart could not freely release Lynda back to our savior.  She will always be in my heart but God's gifts are not ours to keep.  Nothing we have is our own;  it all belongs to him.  So as the little heart looks like it is floating up, up to heaven...we released clear balloons up, up toward heaven the day we buried Lynda.  

Don't hold too tightly to anything but Jesus.  That's what I've learned through the years.  I loved Lynda and I enjoyed her.  Oh, how I miss her sweet touches.  Some days warm tears flow down my cheeks but that doesn't diminish my joy at all.  God gives and God takes away.  Glory to God in all things especially during the Christmas season.  I hope you know the savior.  He longs for you to accept his gift of salvation.

God is Good Every Day...His Love Endures Forever!

 

There is one thing I am always sure of and that is that God is good all of the time.  It's wonderful that our country has a day set aside to celebrate being thankful.  I hope that among all of the turkey and trimmings that Americans do truly stop and thank God for the blessings he has bestowed upon our country since it's beginning.  Truly God's hand is on America.  When we sing "God Bless America", I always want to change the words to "God Has Blessed America" for he truly has protected her and provided grace beyond anything a country could deserve.

My heart is overflowing because of the gift of salvation that Jesus provided for me on the cross.  I am more thankful than I have words to express that his promises are true and that he has prepared a place for us to live with him throughout eternity.  I know this because the Bible tells me this and it is real.  We Christians believe that Christ died and on the third day rose from the dead to live forever.  What could I be more thankful for?  Not a thing!  Except that he promises us that we too will live again if we trust in him.  Every day since Lynda died I have known without a doubt that when her eyes closed in death as I held her body next to mine...Jesus was right there to take her immediately to the place he had prepared for her.  Heaven has always been my destination.  I have longed to meet Jesus face to face and thank him on bended knees for giving his life for my sins.  Now I also can't wait to see Lynda again and talk to her for the first time ever where she can speak.  She and I can walk the streets of heaven and communicate in a way that will be brand new for us.  I am so thankful for God's promises that life here on earth is temporary and that this earth is not our home.  

I am so thankful God allowed me to be Lynda's mother for 40 years here on earth.  I don't know how many more years will separate us but I do know this time here is like a vapor.  Then our real lives begin with eternity stretching out forever.  So thankful for God's grace.  So thankful for my sweet Lynda. 

I Played With Lynda in My Dream Last Night...

I haven't posted in a while.  Not because I didn't have anything to say and certainly not because Lynda hasn't been on my mind...there are just periods of time that I have to keep the memories to my self.  Just between God and me. 

Last night I dreamed about Lynda.  I don't remember all of the dream but when I woke up I knew she had been there.  There were details of where we were and what we were doing but the best part and the most vivid part was that I was stroking her hair and in my dream I could feel how soft it was.  She was touching my hair, too.  Then she kissed me on the cheek.  I could see her face.  It was a combination of the "young Lynda" with the really blond, blond hair and in the cut like Dorothy Hammil  but she was older like the age when she died.  There was a softness of her features when the two ages merged into the Lynda in my dreams and I wonder if that's the way she is going to look when I see her new body.  Maybe this was a "sneak preview" from God.  I looked into her beautiful blue eyes and I held her in my arms.  When I woke, I could still feel how soft her hair had felt to my hands.  I could still feel her kiss on my cheek. 

It was such a gift.  Such a peaceful experience.  I pray every night to God to please tell Lynda that I love her and that I miss her and I'm so proud of her and to enjoy heaven.  I believe this was God's way of answering my prayers to let Lynda tell me in her way that she loves me and she's real and alive in heaven...which of course I know is true.

Thank you God for letting Lynda visit me if only in my dreams.  It was so sweet and warms this nana's heart.

Happy Birthday, Lynda...

It's hard to believe that you would be 44 today.  Of course, it's even more difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that you have been in heaven for two years now.  In my heart you will always be my little girl who never grew up.  My "forever" child who would always keep the innocence of a child even as the years changed your body into that of an adult.

God blessed us with your presence and we always knew you were a gift.  We never took your time here with us for granted because we always knew your life was fragile.  Yet, God had plans for you that even we could not imagine the magnitude that those plans entailed.  We will never truly understand all of His purposes until we too are on the other side of heaven.  For this we are sure.  God made you perfect and shared you with us on this earth for many wonderful years.  To many you were just a child with severe disabilities but to those who knew and loved you...you were an inspiration and a joy.

I know you are celebrating in heaven on this day and all of the days that spread into eternity.  Angels join in the singing and I suspect there is clapping as the day of your birth on earth is honored in the heavenly realm.  My heart is filled with love as I remember your many birthdays here with me.  I cannot wait to join you in heaven to hear your sweet voice and talk with you in a way I have never been able to before.   Happy Birthday, Lynda! 

Two Years In Heaven...To God Be the Glory

 

Today marks the second year since Lynda's death.  To say that I have dreaded the week from July 30th (when Lynda first entered the emergency room) through August 3rd (the day she died) would be a huge understatement.   The days leading up to this week have been extremely emotional.  No matter how much I concentrated on her being in heaven and how thankful I was for that...being her mother who misses her just always won out and the tears would follow.  Last year school began on August 4th so I didn't have to be at school on "the" day.   I've known for a year that school would begin on August 3rd this year and that our group district meeting would be in the gym at South Pontotoc where we were when the hospital was calling us two years ago about Lynda's condition.  The very next day, we found ourselves having to make the decision to remove her from life support to hospice services.

So, you can see where I was emotionally and where I wanted to be was celebrating that Lynda was in heaven and thinking about all of the wonderful things that she could do now.  I did not want to relive every minute of the night she died.  So Sunday I began praying fervently to God to give me a miracle or supernatural strength to go to sleep Friday night and think only of heaven.  To give me joy and happiness to come back to school on Monday completely focused on my job and not fighting away the memories of two years ago.

I went to sleep last night thinking about God preparing green pastures for me as he explains in Psalms 23 and I imagined His love covering me like a warm blanket.  I slept better than I have in weeks.  I could feel the weight lifted from my shoulders and as I write this tonight I have no doubt at all that God answered my prayers because I could not have done this on my own.

To God be the glory for Lynda and for the influence she has had on so many lives.  I especially give Him the glory for turning my sadness today into joy.  What a mighty God we serve.

Inside My Heart...

It just blesses my heart to see how God can use  Lynda's story to touch other lives not only in the United States but just during this week alone there were page views from Germany, Ukraine, Mexico, Russia, Canada, Australia, Switzerland, Chile and France.  I could never have imagined when Lynda was little that one day technology would allow me to write about her life in English and with the touch of a finger, a reader could have the message translated into his or her language.  

August 3rd will mark two years since Lynda has been in heaven.  In those two years I have written  255 blog entries and there have been about 20,000 views.  I cannot even begin to explain to you all how much we appreciate your support and how much this has helped with the tremendous loss we feel.  We know that we are not the only family to have lost a child with special needs.  Although I don't know you personally or know your stories, I know there are many other moms and dads, sisters and brothers, grandparents and cousins who share the pain that we have felt.  We lift you up to our Father in heaven and ask for the peace that only he can provide.  

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV)
 

I Wasn't Expecting the Memories...

Saturday afternoon, Russ and I headed for Oxford to attend a memorial service for Mary Jo Ray, the wife of our three eagle scout sons' first scoutmaster, T.J. Ray and who was also the mom of Mark.  Mark and his wife have been those dear friends that you may be separated by miles but you can always pick right up where you left off.  We all exchanged information about what our kids were doing and how many grandkids we all had and congratulated Mark on being the author of the new scoutmaster's handbook.  It was hard to believe Mary Jo was gone.

It never occurred to me until I was closing the car door and stepping out onto the sidewalk beside the Episcopal Church that this was going to be an emotional journey for me far beyond the memorial service I was attending.  As my feet hit the concrete sidewalk beside the church I realized that this was the first time I had come face to face with the first location of the Lafayette Child Development Center (LCDC) where Lynda had attended school as a six year old after we returned to Oxford from Brewton, Alabama.  In fact, this was the place that I had come to volunteer in 1973 when I was introduced by Dr. Wanda Dean, the director of LCDC to the world of special education.  It was in the fellowship hall of this church that I met Jan Reynolds who would become my mentor and John Little, Gloria Saucier,  Amy Scott, and Walter Rogers, students who would make such an impression on my life that I would not only become a special educator but would within a year become the foster parent to a child with autism, become Lynda's mom through adoption and return to Oxford so she could attend the LCDC as a student herself.

As I made it to the front door of the church, I was already overcome by the memories that were flooding over me.  As I entered the sanctuary, I looked up to see that Wanda and Mike Dean were ushers for the memorial service.  Forty-two years later I sat in the sanctuary of the church that had so graciously opened their doors to the program for children with severe disabilities before schools were obligated by law to provide services.  The sanctuary is rich with tradition with deep burgundy velvet cushioned pews and prayer benches.  The dark wood is beautiful as are the exquisite stained glass throughout the sanctuary.  There are not many rooms preserved in the style and reverence that this sanctuary displays but all I could think about was how this building with the exception of the sanctuary (classrooms, the fellowship hall, the kitchen, the playground...every inch of the facility) had been opened to teachers, volunteers, families and students with special needs for years.  No one had been concerned about the fact that the walls might be scratched or the materials and equipment had to be moved out every Friday afternoon and put back into place each Monday morning for LCDC and later the Oxford Child Development Center (OCDC)...the church saw a need and they lovingly filled this need for my child with special needs and many of her friends. 

As I fought to regain my composure to participate in the memorial service I had come to be a part of, I knew that after the service, there was a reception in the parrish hall which would require me to walk down the halls I had walked so many times...by the classrooms and into the big fellowship hall where I could still see in my mind the memories of where I first saw John playing with a ball, learned to feed Gloria and quickly followed Walter to the bathroom where he regularly turned on the hot water...a mystery unsolved to this day as to why it was so appealing to him. 

I saw where Lynda took her naps and I have to admit it was overwhelming with the emotions that played in my mind faster than I could process them.  I took Russ from corner to corner telling him about the children who fascinated me so much I returned day after day to visit and learn more about.  I talked to Wanda about the memories and how I hadn't even thought of how this was going to affect me.  I have been back in the building many, many times through the years but this was the first time since Lynda's death two years ago.  That changed everything.  When she was living, it was one of many places special to her educational history.  With her gone, it took on special significance because it was her first school in Oxford.  It was the reason she was mine.  It was where God spoke to me and put the love of children with special needs into my heart using those children I previously named to introduce me to my life's passion.

I was exhausted when I left the service.  It was wonderful to catch up with old friends and see the importance of us getting together much more frequently.  It was a sad occasion when we are saying goodbye to a friend even though we knew she is in heaven and we will see her again.  It is hard to relive so many memories of my earliest times with Lynda and even the years that preceeded my visit to the welfare department and social services in Brewton after moving from Oxford to apply to be a foster parent of a special needs child. 

God blessed me Saturday with so many warm and wonderful memories and the reminder of how God had plans for me and my life that I could have never dreamed of on my own or never could have accomplished without His steadfast love and guidance.  I don't believe in accidents or coincidences.  I know without a doubt I walked into St. Peter's Episcopal Church in 1973 because God led me there.  I have nothing but warm and wonderful memories of Lynda's time there and could never begin to thank the church members in the 1970's for opening their hearts and facilities to a group of special needs children.  They demonstrated God's love in more ways than they will ever know this side of heaven.

The rooms were silent but I still heard the voices and laughter and saw the precious little faces as if they were being streamed across the air by some new technology.  Time frozen for a few moments.  And then I blinked and was back in the present year of 2015.  Lynda was no longer a little blond six year old streak giggling as she darted from place to place.  John was no longer sitting on the floor with me rolling a red ball back and forth.  Memories are wonderful.  They can be replayed over and over when the time is right.  The thing that was palatable was the love we felt in that room over 40 years ago.  I left felling the love of the past had been wrapped around me like a warm blanket just by being in that place.  It was good.  Very good.

Lynda and Russ...

I've never written a post about Russ and Lynda.  I've started several but had to just wait a little while longer before I could put my thoughts into words.  I guess it was really more like putting my emotions into words.

I knew before I married Russ that he had a heart for children and adults with special needs.  We worked on cub scout day camps together and right away I put my boys from Scott Center with Russ because he could be trusted to meet their needs and to make sure they were treated just like any other kid at camp.

It was no secret that my life revolved around the needs of children with special needs.  My own child and those that I taught.  When we decided to get married and blend our families, Lynda was very much a part of our family.  Russ's obvious love for Lynda was palatable.  His understanding of how important she was to me was something I treasure to this day.  When we were living in Oxford, we would often go and take Lynda for rides or shop for special toys for her.  We spent hours shopping for her clothes and inventorying them so they could better keep up with them in her cottage.  When we moved to Florida he understood when I just had to make a trip home to see Lynda and when we moved to Booneville, it was he who would get up early to drive to Oxford to surprise me with a visit on holidays like Mother's Day.

Lynda has always had a sixth sense about who liked her.  If she patted you on your arm or back, she was giving you her seal of approval.  The picture above is after we removed Lynda from the respirator and she had her hands and arms free.  She played with her rattle toy and she patted Russ on his arm.  What a treasure that she was able to communicate in her own way to him that she loved him and appreciated him taking care of her.  He had advocated for her in the hospital.  He had been my rock through the week from the time we entered the emergency room on July 30th until she passed away in hospice on August 3rd.

Lynda has influenced many of us in our life work decisions.  Russ is one of those people.  When we went to Florida to teach at the beach in 2002, Russ taught a severe/profound class of pre-school age children at Silver Sands in Ft. Walton Beach.  It was a center school similar to Scott Center where Lynda went to school in Oxford, Mississippi.  Isn't it amazing how God can use one little girl with special needs to influence so many others through the years?  As he worked with families and children at Silver Sands, he always had Lynda close to his heart directing the ways he interacted with the kids and their parents just as my life experiences with Lynda always direct my paths in special education.

In the past two years since Lynda has been in heaven I could not have made it through without Russ's willingness to drop whatever he was doing and hold me when I saw a toy that reminded me of Lynda or a John Denver song came on in the grocery store.  I don't have to explain.  He just knows that sometimes the grief floods over my heart and for a few minutes, I'm fighting not to drown in sadness.  It passes and life goes on but I know that he will always understand because he knows how important Lynda is to me and how so many things can trigger memories.

He and I both know she is in heaven and having the best time of her life.  We cannot wait to see her again and praise God that he sent Jesus for our salvation and the chance to live with him eternally.  I am so thankful that Russ is a man of God who loves all children...especially those with special needs.

Matthew 18:19 (NIV)
"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven."

Lynda and Kirby...The Connection

As most of you know my daughter Lynda became critically ill two years ago and was placed on life-support.  We struggled to find out the extent of her illnesses which had begun with aspiration during a seizure resulting in immediate life-threatening breathing problems necessitating being placed on a ventilator.  She developed sepsis and began to actually improve only for us to find she had cancer in her entire abdomen.  At this point, four days after entering the emergency room, there was no doubt that we were going to remove her from life support and allow her to be comfortable and loved in hospice in the hospital.

When I came home after she died and we were planning for her funeral, this little white dog's ears and face were soaking wet with my tears...day after day.  Night after night.  He knew I was in pain and he stood looking at me with such concern in his eyes, I would dry my tears and explain to him that I was okay.  He lay with me.  I held him and closed my eyes and could still feel Lynda near me when I felt his soft hair next to my face like hers.  I felt his warm body and the sound of his heartbeat was comforting enough to sometimes fall asleep for a few minutes.  He was my therapy.  He was my friend.  He was one of God's gifts to me to ease the pain of the loss I was feeling having experienced my child die in my arms.

Now he is sick and I lie with him and comfort him as he comforted me.  There is a special bond between this gentle soul who quickly adjusted his activity level to my needs.  I know that if I can bury a child and walk through the shadows of uncertainty and come out of it on the other side knowing I made the right decisions for Lynda...I will know when it's time to let Kirby go, too.  Like with Lynda, it was always a desire to be sure there was nothing else that could be done and being sure that when this was true to not allow suffering to continue.  We aren't there yet but it will come.  That is the same situation with Kirby, even though he is an animal and not a human child.  He is loved and he is cherished but it is a category much different than that of a child.  Still this dog has connections to my child.   And when the time comes to say good-bye to him, there are more deep emotions involved than simply losing a pet and that would be hard enough.  Kirby was here when Lynda came home to visit.  He was here when she went back to NMRC and I lay in the bed and cried.  God blessed me with a warm, soft living creature to comfort this mother when the nights were long and relentless.  He seems wise beyond his years.  Overnight he became blind.  Overnight he became old.

When it's Kirby's time to go I believe dogs do go to heaven and I know Lynda is going to be there waiting to play with her first dog.

I imagine him snuggling up next to her as he does me and hopefully she will feel me next to her through Kirby as I felt her presence with me.  God is amazing and I know that when he describes heaven as the perfect place it is going to include our beloved pets and all of the animals he created.  They can all walk the streets of heaven because they will be tame and harmless since heaven is perfect.  The Bible doesn't tell us this.  It is just my opinion and I trust God to design paradise with so much more than human hearts and minds could ever fathom.

The anniversary of Lynda's death is this August 3rd.  It will be two years.  I know that this makes Kirby's illness even more emotional for me because I'm thinking about Lynda so much.  We have said since we first got our dogs that we knew one day we would be called upon to give them up.  We decided long ago to enjoy them every single day, to spoil them and when we had to give them up we would look at the good times and try not to dwell on our loss.  We have sure loved and continue to love Kirby and have such wonderful memories of the past nine and a half years.  So happy God is allowing us to take care of him in his time of needing his people.



to read more about Kirby visit our blog at www.ourkirbydog.blogspot.com

Lynda and Kasidy...

Lynda didn't grow up with a dog and honestly she wasn't around animals very much when she was little.  Two little brothers and the 24 hours in the day were pretty jam packed.  Before her stroke, Lynda had loved fuzzy blankets and she would have probably loved fuzzy puppies, too. 

The first  Christmas that Lynda was home from NMRC for Christmas day after we had gotten our second dog, Kasidy...we wondered how each would respond to the other.  Kasidy always jumps and runs around people...very excited to get her head rubbed.  We knew Lynda wasn't going to understand what Kasidy wanted her to do and we didn't want Kasidy to accidentally hurt Lynda.

We didn't have to worry.  As soon as Lynda walked in the door, Kasidy was completely transformed into another dog.  As if she had been trained, she calmly walked up to Lynda and rubbed against her leg.  When Lynda sat on the sofa, Kasidy sat quietly at her feet.  When Lynda sat on the floor to play...Kasidy was right there beside her.  We sat Kasidy in the chair beside Lynda and you can see from the picture, Kasidy was totally focused on Lynda...looking deep into her eyes.  Lynda was equally thrilled with Kasidy...rubbing her soft fur like her fuzzy blanket she had when she was little.

Now Kasidy has another mission.  Just as she sensed that Lynda had special needs and couldn't handle the jumping and playing that she normally reserved for new people entering our home, she will be faced with adjusting her energy level and becoming more of a helper dog with her brother dog, Kirby who has been in intensive care with kidney failure and SARDS...Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration Syndrome which has left him totally blind practically overnight.  He will return home this Friday after having been away over a week in a much subdued condition.  Of course, Kasidy had been around Kirby the week or so before he went into the hospital and had sensed that he didn't feel good. 

The two have always helped each other. When Kasidy was outside and we had kind of forgotten she was out there, Kirby would bark at the door until we remembered and let her in.  She always paced by the door until he was back in if the weather was cold outside.  Sometimes we would just have to get him back inside so she could settle down.  It's amazing how they can form that bond but they have been together all but two years of Kirby's life so they have so many rituals...he gets the food bowls filled by his adult helpers and he barks the "blessing" until she joins him.  I have no doubt she and he will work out a system when they go outside to help him navigate the yard and back to the door safely.  They sleep together in the bed every night and they have another sister Kada-Joy who joined our family two years ago.  She has always trailed right behind Kirby when he's outside so he's going to be well covered with sisterly help.

Kirby, Kasidy and Kada-Joy have greatly helped me as I have grieved for Lynda.  When I cried, one would come and snuggle up next to me.  Kirby especially knew my emotions well and even though he has always been a hyperactive and driven dog, he would immediately shut down when I cried and I would have to explain to him that I was okay.  Dogs are amazing creatures of God.  I'm so glad Lynda got to have a puppy even for a little while.  The picture just says it all, doesn't it? 

The Men in Lynda's Life...

These three men influenced Lynda's life and probably more accurately were influenced by hers.  Larry and I adopted Lynda before either of her brothers were born.  He adored her and she felt the same about her Da-Da.  Our lives revolved around her needs and Larry was dedicated to that little blond beauty.  We walked many miles together on her behalf and she blessed our lives in ways only God could have orchestrated.

Her brothers, Kevin and Kristopher grew up with a sister with special needs which was just a normal part of our family life.  Lynda was 8 when Kevin was born and 12 when Kristopher was born.  Kris never knew the Lynda before the stroke.

These men were important in Lynda's life.  They loved her and they were willing to do anything for her.  Lynda's Daddy died three years ago today and he was waiting on her when she arrived in heaven.  That has always given me such joy knowing that she had her daddy, grandparents and siblings waiting with Jesus to greet her.

Lots of people always asked Larry and me if we knew that Lynda was handicapped when we adopted her and yes, of course we did.  We actually requested a child with special needs because we knew they were more difficult to place.  Few people could understand why we wanted to adopt a child when we could have children biologically.  The answer to that is that God called us to adopt and he had Lynda on his mind from the beginning to be our daughter.  He knew we would have Kevin and Kristopher but we were willing to obey his call to adopt and we were blessed beyond measure because we did.

Kevin and Kristopher are good men and good daddies.  They understand that all people have special strengths along with weaknesses.  They were taught about the value of a human being not being dependent upon their IQ but rather the intrinsic value of being God's creation.  I'm so proud of all three of these men who loved Lynda so dearly.

I miss you Larry.  Celebrate the third anniversary of your new birth in heaven with Lynda.  Her second anniversary will be coming up in a couple of months.  Then you two can celebrate again!

Count Your Blessings....

From the moment Lynda was born, she experienced extreme complications from having the umbilical cord wrapped around her throat.  She was flown immediately by helicopter from the hospital in Brewton, Alabama to Sacred Heart's hospital She began having seizures at just a few days old and had a heart cauterization done when she was just a couple of days old. She began taking medications for seizures when she was just a few weeks old.

As I have said in earlier posts, I was only twenty-two years old when I became Lynda's foster mother and I had no idea what Lynda's medical condition really involved.  In only a matter of weeks, I had settled into a routine of seizures, trips to the emergency room, hospital visits and many other issues that I had no prior experience with.  It wasn't until years later that it hit me full force just how precarious her life was and how much she depended on the daily anti-convulsant medications she received.  I sat beside her bed one night and thought how different her life would be in a country where medications were not readily available.  It sent shivers down my spine to realize that her life (and that of many others) is dependent on a handful of pills.

Throughout the years, I've often watched on the news as parents of children in other countries helplessly sit by their children's cots as the children slipped away due to the lack of water or food or medical help and I've wondered, why is America so blessed and why are we not more aware of our blessings?  Even within our own country, there are huge discrepancies in how our nation's children are cared for.  We seem to turn a blind eye to the fact that children are starving right here in "the land of opportunity".  We as a nation have bought into the notion of the haves and the have nots as being something that is okay.  A child goes to bed hungry at night in America and our consciences are barely pricked.  We watch it happen to children of different colors and nationalities to the point that children are orphaned and literally living on their own and we cannot even fathom how this is possible.  We are told about human trafficking of children across the world and because it hasn't happened in our neighborhood or our town, we somehow compartmentalize it away.

We live in comfort and relative safety and I wonder how many times a day we even stop to say thank you to our heavenly Father who has blessed us beyond measure?

You may not believe this but you are richer than you think. In fact, the poorest Americans are richer than 80% of the worlds population. Stop and think about that for a second. The pictures of people living in poverty in AMERICA have more wealth than almost everyone else on earth.

What this graph shows is that the poorest of Americans (with average annual income of $6,800) are richer than 68% of the world (many of which live off less than $1 a day).    The flatter the line the less inequality there is in that country.  Brazil has the biggest discrepancy between their ultra poor and wealth citizens.  One surprising result from this is that America’s poorest poor are richer than India’s richest rich (as a group).  Within India’s richest there as a vast difference between the super rich and the relatively rich for that country).

It is worth repeating---the poorest of Americans (with average annual income of $6,800) are richer than 68% of the world!  Can you wrap your mind around that?  Many live off less than $1 a day!

If you live in a country that you are  in the 32% of people in the world who live above 68% of the world's population...I hope you like I feel extremely blessed.  I know that I am undeserving and I have done nothing to place me in this group rather than the group who survives on $1 or less a day.  I also realize that those who ARE surviving on a $1 or less a day have done nothing to deserve to be in that category either. 

Lynda's life wasn't always easy but she was blessed to have fuzzy blankets, her favorite foods and people who loved her.  She had access to medications to keep her comfortable and pain free even when she was transitioning from this world to the next.  How blessed our lives are even when the world tells us otherwise.  How blessed my life was when I realized that all I needed I already had when Jesus saved me by his grace.  

When I count my blessings...Lynda is right up there at the top of the blessings God has given me.  Undeserving merit.  I am just humbled beyond words at his love for me.

Smile...

Losing a child certainly wipes away the smiles.  Grieving is hard work.  Sadness crowds out the smiles.  They are fewer to come by for a while.  Yet, God is always there and only he can continue to show us reasons to smile.

For me, the memories of Lynda were some of the first things that brought smiles back.  Her memories still bring smiles to my face and to my soul.  I cannot thank God enough for allowing me to be her mother even if it was for a far shorter period of time than I would have chosen.  My biggest smiles are when I think of Lynda in heaven seeing Jesus for the first time and being whole and able to talk and run.  I imagine HER smile and my whole heart smiles.

No matter what happens here on this earth, we know that this world is not our home.  That should bring the biggest smile ever to your face.  Think about it!  God has prepared a place for you in heaven to live with him forever and ever and ever!  All that is required is accepting the gift of grace by believing in and accepting Jesus as our personal savior.  Too simple?  God designed it that way.  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16.

The joy that comes with that decision will keep you smiling in your heart though any and everything that life throws at you.  Satan wants to steal, destroy and kill.  Don't let him rob you of your joy.  God wants to keep you smiling.  That's why he sent his son.

Losing a child...

It is a reality that few people can understand unless they have lost a child themselves and that's not something any of us who have been unwillingly drafted into this club want for any other parent.  At the beginning, we struggled just to breathe.  We honestly feel that our hearts will soon stop beating.  We sometimes secretly wish that it would happen and allow us to escape from the pain that grips our hearts and our lives.

We know that life will never be the same even when well meaning friends try to comfort us by telling us it will all be okay.  We know they only mean well.  We also know that it is a lie they unwillingly pass along in an attempt to make us feel better and to say what they truly hope is true.  But it isn't.  It will never be okay again.  Yes, we will survive.  That's what parents who bury a child do.  They survive but they lose a part of their soul when they leave the cemetery and their child remains only as a memory.

For those of us who are Christians, we know that the grave is not the end.  We know that one day we will see our child again.  We know that our loved one is in heaven with God and we rejoice that this is true.  But there is a great span between earth and heaven and it may be many years before we too arrive at the gates of heaven to be reunited with our child and see Jesus face to face.

Losing a child changes us and even when we begin to adjust to the new normal, a part of our hearts are wounded forever and we can't help but be changed.  Most of us don't try to explain it fully to those who haven't visited their child in the cemetery and laid flowers on the grave where we ourselves would like to lay with our arms outstretched in an attempt to hold the memories even closer to our hearts.  We press on.  We even eventually laugh again and we see things in this world that are better because our loved one was here.  And when we feel we are over the hump and can travel outside into the world without fear of sadness sweeping over us like a wave...we see something in a store that reminds us of our child or we hear a song or smell something that brings memories flooding back and we are defenseless for the emotional floodgates that are opened again.  And so it goes.  We do the best we can do and we accept the fact that losing a child changes us, not just for the first year, but for life.  And we put one foot in front of the other...and we go on trying never, ever to forget a single thing about our child and thanking God daily for the gift he shared so graciously with us here on this earth.

To God Be the Glory...

 

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." - Ephesians 3:20

 

There are so many things I want to ask God when I get to heaven.  It will take an eternity to understand how the maker of the universe could love us so much.  I will spend eternity thanking him for sending his son to die for ME.  I cannot wrap my mind around that kind of love.  

 My daughter was mistreated and abused and it broke my heart.  Jesus was mistreated, abused and killed because of my sins.  It is a sobering thought to realize that I was personally responsible for the death of God's son.  Yet, he loves me and considers me a joint heir with his beloved son, Jesus.  How can this be?  Long ago I forgave those who harmed my child and who caused her to suffer a stroke at the age of ten.  I had to forgive to be able to move on with my life and take care of Lynda.  It was so much easier to turn it all over to God than to carry the pain alone.  I forgave but because I am human, I cannot always forget.  I try to but there are times that it haunts me.  The Bible says that God is able to both forgive and forget our sins.  How he is able to forget is one of those questions I think I want to know the answer to when I get to heaven.   It's no more amazing than his love for us and that he would prepare a place for us to live with him forever.  It just makes you want to shout when you realize how blessed we are, doesn't it?  

Lynda's life was so limited here on earth but she was loved immensely and her memories are cherished.  As her mother, I made mistakes and learned right along side her.  I was her caregiver.  She was my teacher.  I was her advocate.  She was my inspiration.  I was her Nana.  She was my daughter.  My love.  My forever child.

Lynda was an answer to prayers.  She was a gift from God that we had no idea how long we would be privileged to enjoy.  There was never enough time and oh how I miss her.  When I was with her I knew I was in the presence of angels because I felt that God sent them to protect her, to entertain her and to communicate to her in ways we could not here on earth.

To God be the glory for the great things he has done!  He has loved us, he has saved us and he has prepared a place for us where Lynda is already enjoying eternity in the presence of God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit.  She is able to talk with Noah and hear about the animals on the ark.  She is able to hear first hand from Moses about how it felt when the Red Sea parted and he walked on dry land.  Jonah may have already told her about his adventures in the stomach of the big fish and Peter may have told her what it felt like to walk on the water.  I know without a doubt that Jesus has told her over and over how much he loves her and how proud he is of the life she lived and the influence she had on lives in ways she didn't understand until she was in heaven.

I pray that if you haven't given your life to Jesus and invited him into your heart that you will do that right now.  It's a gift of grace that Jesus freely extends to every person.  Admit you are a sinner, repent of your sins and ask Jesus to come into your heart.  It will be the best decision you have ever made and to God be the Glory! 

 

I Prayed For This Child...

I look at this picture of Lynda and me over forty years ago and I fight back the tears...but I know by now I'm not going to win.  Tonight they are tears of gratitude to God for taking my prayer to be the parent of a child with special needs and answering it with Lynda.  I had no idea that such a little girl could change the course of my life forever but that's how God works.  He brought this little blond streak of lightening into my world and I have never been the same.

To be able to interact with Lynda and to understand her needs God led me into world of special education and showed me what I truly loved and where my life's work would be.  Lynda personalized autism for me and was the teacher that no professor or textbook could match.  She drew the whole family into the field of special education over the years and influenced more people than I can name.

I cannot imagine my life had I not met Lynda and had she not been my little girl.  I am thankful that her biological mother took her to a safe place to relinquish her when she could care for her no longer and that God allowed me to step into the role of her mother through adoption.  All of our children are miracles because they all are gifts from God.

Life is fleeting.  As I look at the picture of Lynda and me...I see life just beginning for us both.  The path traveled was pretty rocky and narrow at times but God was always there leading and carrying both Lynda and me through the most treacherous parts of our journey together.  When she and I came to the final fork in the road and her body couldn't make another step...Jesus was there still leading...right into heaven.

I prayed for this child and the Lord did grant me what I asked of him.  I will spend eternity thanking him for dying on the cross so that I know without a doubt  that I will see her again.  I thank him every day that he answers prayers and changes lives.  I'm so thankful that I'm a sinner saved by grace.

The Heart Stores the Memories...

When a parent loses a child through death, I think one of the fears we have is that our child will be forgotten and that some how even we may lose some of the memories that we have.  We have memorized every feature of our child but in reality there is no way that even the smallest detail could escape a parent's heart where all of these things are stored.  When all that is left are those memories...pictures, videos...any treasure that reminds us of our precious child become almost sacred.  We know that on this side of heaven, this is all we have and we cling to it with every ounce of energy we have.

God has blessed me with such wonderful memories and yet as days have turned to weeks and months have now been numbered in years---almost two to be exact---I find myself thinking of memories as the "black and white" version of the real life we once shared.  They are the snapshots in time that marked Lynda's life here.  They are great to have now but they are in no way as good as the "real thing" when she was alive and here with us.  And oh how I miss her.

Luckily God reminds me that heaven and earth are just opposites of this situation I find myself in right now.  While I feel that life with Lynda here was like rich, vivid color and now that she is no longer with me, the memories pale in comparison---God paints a picture of earthly existence and heaven in direct contrast.  Life here on earth is the shadowy black and white version while heaven's pictures of life are full color and multidimensional.

2 Corinthians 5:1
For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.

Through the years, the "memory pictures" may tend to blur but the love in our hearts never diminishes...in fact, it continues to grow as we look toward heaven's reunion.

What Grieving Feels Like...

The second Mother's Day since Lynda passed away is over and I have to say that this celebration is perhaps the most difficult for me.  It's actually harder than Lynda's birthday or Christmas.  Mother's Day is the day that the irony of life just slaps me right in the face. I find myself struggling to realize that I am going to celebrate another mother's day without one of my children.  Don't get me wrong.  I know where Lynda is and I know who she is with and I celebrate her rebirth in heaven. Still, I am also a mother.  I am her mother and Kevin's and Kristopher's.  I'm a step-mom to Kelly and Kristen and I am blessed to have six wonderful grandchildren and through the marriage of my children, I have gained two more daughters and a son.  Our family circle is growing and yet I will never get used to putting flowers on my daughter's grave.

On any day, I'm just a breath away from screaming to the top of my lungs the same anguished sound that came out when the doctor confirmed that there was no more hope.  Some days I cry (no I sob) but I think to myself that this isn't all there is.  God has promised more and I cling to that promise like a life preserver in the open sea.

I have dealt with my grief through steps and phases.  I've worked through stages and revisited some and worked through them again and again.  I've come to the point in my life that God has blessed me with an understanding and faith so that my heart doesn't feel like it's being ripped from my body now when I hear her name.  Except on Mother's Day or when I hear an unexpected song or I have a dream about her that makes me sit straight up in bed and for a moment forget she's gone.

Since the first day I met Lynda, I have prayed for her.  I have talked to Jesus about her and for her.  I have asked God to send angels to guard her and watch over her.  I've prayed that he would provide angels to talk to her and let her know that she was loved and adored in ways I couldn't communicate.  For so many years, I prayed to the Father that she wouldn't be in pain or and that no one would hurt her.

After so many years of praying for Lynda, when I now began to pray, I sometimes still find myself starting to ask God to protect her. Then reality reminds me  that she is no longer on earth but in heaven where there is nothing but peace.  Even though all of my children are grown and on their own, I still worry and pray for them.  For their safety.  For their happiness. For their walk with God.  No matter how old they get, as long as I'm alive they are my children and I will be on my knees talking to the Father about them and to him on their behalf.  I will be praying for their spouses and my grandchildren.

I still pray to God about Lynda to thank him for allowing me to be her mother.  I ask him to tell her how much I love her and can't wait to see her again but I don't have to pray FOR her because she is living and being cared for and loved by our savior and I want to shout with joy that she is a joint heir with Christ and a much loved daughter of the King.

How can so many emotions live inside one person?  How do we ever really get over giving back a child?  Some days I wonder.  Some days I just have to go with the flow and know the next day will be better.  Every day it helps me to stop and think about heaven and Lynda right smack in the middle of it.  Some days I'm looking at the skies to see if I can get a glimpse of the coming of the rapture in hopes that today will be THE day.

I keep telling myself to be patient because what seems like forever here on earth is really just a blink of the eyes in the scheme of eternity.  God still has things for me to do here and I know his timing is perfect.

Devil...you are DEFEATED!

I think of Lynda off and on every day.  Oh how I would love to be able to see her and walk with that sweet hand patting me on my back.  I see beautiful clouds in the sky or a bright orange sunset and think of how amazingly gorgeous it must be in heaven.  My thoughts always move at warp speed when I think about heaven and the price that Jesus paid to include us all if we accept his grace. I thought about Lynda tonight and how many of life's pleasures she was denied throughout her life her on earth due to mental and physical disabilities.  

The Bible says that the devil's purpose is to kill, steal and destroy and he certainly did all of those things to Lynda in the 42 years she lived here on earth.  Because of Jesus, Lynda will get to have the last word!   It gives me great pleasure to know that Lynda is home and safe.  Lynda has defeated satan because she was always on Jesus' mind. Even while  on the cross.  All of the times she was mistreated, he never left her and now she is sheltered in his arms forever.  The devil is defeated and it gives me a great deal of comfort to know that Lynda is safely out of his reach.

Sometimes I can sense that people become uncomfortable when Christians speak about the devil as if he is real and that we attribute things that are happening around us to satan.  Yet the Bible very clearly teaches that satan does roam the earth in an effort to steal, destroy and kill.  The good news is that Jesus came to give us life abundantly.  There is spiritual warfare going on every day around us and if you have placed your faith in Jesus, you have already won the battle!  Satan isn't going to give up trying to steal anything that he can...our joy and our peace of mind... but if we keep our eyes on Jesus we will be just fine.  Knowing that our souls are secured for heaven by believing in Jesus and that one day the devil will be banished to utter darkness is sweet.

For Lynda, all of the battles are over.  Eternity will be spend with Jesus.  Hallelujah! 

Mother's Day...

Mother's Day 2015 is just around the corner and Lynda is especially on my mind.  Just like Mother's Day last year, my mind goes back to the first time I became a mother many years ago.  It wasn't on Mother's Day...it was January 22, 1974 but she was the first.  Until that day, I was simply a 22 year old who had been married for four years, had just graduated a year earlier with a degree in art education and was ready to make a life changing decision to become the foster parent to a child with very special medical and mental needs.

Five years later, I became the mom to Kevin and then again in 1983 to Kristopher through biological births.  On September 17, 1982 (Kevin's 4th birthday),  the baby I was carrying was miscarried but I am that baby's mommy, too and cannot wait to meet him or her in heaven.

In 1992, I was blessed to become a step-mom to Kelly and Kristen when Russ and I blended our families.  Russ and I lost a baby that year also through miscarriage.  We didn't plan on adding another child to the family but to this day I count up how old that child would be and rejoice that when I get to heaven, I will celebrate being a mother in a way I've never celebrated before.  How I long to see Lynda again and meet my other two children for the first time.  What a blessing that Jesus has made that celebration and reunion possible through his death on the cross.

How empty our lives would be if all we had to live for was what we have here on earth.  What sorrow we would be forced to carry daily if we didn't have the promise of eternal life in heaven with our creator and those who have gone on to heaven before us.  Of course, I wish I could wrap my arms around Lynda right now and I long to know if my babies whose time on earth was numbered in weeks instead of years are girls or boys.  I wonder what their personalities would have been like and what they would be doing right now.  I wonder daily what Lynda will be like when I see her again and she can communicate her thoughts in a way she was never able to do here on earth.

Heaven holds everything for me.  It holds everything for anyone who is a Christian, actually.  To see the face of God and worship him for eternity sends chills up my spine.  Like the song says, "We've no less days to sing his praise than when we've first begun".  I can't wait.  This place is not my home.  So glad I know where my forever home will be.

This mother's day I am blessed with sons and daughters and their spouses and grandchildren.  I am blessed to still have my mother here at age 92.  Life is good.  Blessed beyond measure.

Expect A Miracle...

Today is Easter.  Resurrection day.  Miracle of all miracles.  God sent His only son to become be born of a virgin and live among us.  Jesus was one hundred per cent man and one hundred per cent God all at one time.  It kind of twists my human brain in knots to try and sort that all out so I don't try.  I rely on faith to know that my God is in the miracle business and nothing is impossible or too complicated for the one who breathed life into man and created the universe.

Nothing is too complicated for an all knowing God but what might be more difficult to understand is how this same God of the universe would care enough for mankind and for me in particular to send His only son from the heavenly realm where He had been since the beginning of time to come to be a human and ultimately a living sacrifice for the world.

Some say it's a myth.  Some refuse to believe but the Bible says even satan and his demons believe and know that it is true.  That doesn't mean that the demon world isn't constantly trying to throw doubt on the miracles that God performed on that first Easter.  God's miracle of the resurrection prevailed against satan and Jesus defied death.  Not only did HE defy death but He bought our pardon so we too can defy death to live eternally with God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit forever.

I expect miracles.  It isn't that I think I deserve miracles because I deserve nothing that God has blessed me with.  However, my God is mighty and powerful and still in the miracle business.  As I have grown in years and maturity I have come to more fully trust in His timing and His providence.  I have learned to trust Him for miracles of all sizes and types.  I have found that if I live by faith and put every single thing into His care, He will provide for me in such amazing ways that I never dreamed possible.  It is such a sweet relationship to know that my heavenly father loves me and wants what's best for me.

It is also amazing to know that the God of the universe who never sleeps or slumbers cares about the little, every day things in my life.  If he numbers the sparrows and knows when one falls, it should not surprise me that He also knows the tears I cry for missing Lynda or the burden I have carried for my mother's salvation for these past 56 years.  He knows and he is faithful.

The little discs in the picture above are from the necklace I have worn every day since Lynda died a year and a half ago.  They slipped off the ring once and I noticed when they came off in my lap.  A few days ago, I noticed they were missing again.  I looked in the blankets and sheets in the bed.  I looked in the car.  Russ even looked online to see how to take the back seat out since I had been in the backseat lying down and thought it might have slipped through the cracks.  When the manual's first instruction was to call a mechanic, I knew that was not the solution.  I looked in my closet.  I left no stone unturned.  The whole time I was praying, "Lord, please help me find my Lynda necklace because you know what comfort it gives me".  Days went by and I knew one day God would place those discs back into my life.  Was it silly for me to pray about returning a necklace when so many serious problems were occurring around the world?  Was it presumptuous for me to believe God had time to be concerned about such trivial matters?   No.  The Bible teaches us that this is the type of God we serve.  A God who cares for all of our needs and knows our hearts and our needs even before we voice them.

On Good Friday, God answered my prayers for my mother to be saved.  For 56 years (about 20,800 days), I have prayed that God would spare her life until she would make the decision to give her heart to Jesus.  At the age of 92 (and still living by herself), my mother accepted God's grace.  God was faithful to the prayers of this six year old girl who is now a sixty-two year old grandmother.

On Easter morning (this morning), I walked into the bathroom to find my necklace discs lying on the cabinet.  I yelled to Russ, "You FOUND my necklace!  Where did you find it?" (Translated:  Where did God show it to you?)  His reply was not surprising to someone who expects miracles..."I was awakened by a clinking sound of something hitting the floor by the bed and when I got up to see what it was...your necklace was lying there on the floor!"

Thank you Jesus for dying for my sins.  Thank you Holy Spirit for pulling at my mother's heart until she surrendered her will to yours.  Thank you for loving on Lynda for the past year and a half in heaven while I'm still here on earth.  Thank  you.  THANK YOU!!!

HE IS RISEN.  HE IS RISEN, INDEED!  The tomb is empty, HE IS ALIVE.  He has gone to prepare a place for US and He is coming back for us!  PRAISE GOD FOR JESUS.  PRAISE GOD FOR EASTER.


If you have not yet given your heart to Jesus...do it right now.  Believe in Jesus. Receive Jesus, who is God in flesh, who died and rose from the dead (1 Cor. 15:1-4) as your Lord and Savior (John 1:12). Ask Jesus to forgive you, to come into your heart, and to wash you clean from your sins. Pray to Jesus.  Find a church home and let them know about your decision so they can love on you and help you to continue to grow in the Lord.

Expect a miracle because when you accept Christ, he literally comes to live in you.  The Holy Spirit will work miracle after miracle through your life as He intercedes for you in prayer to God the Father.  Expect a miracle by first accepting the miracle of Jesus!

Always on my mind...

Why is human nature so short sighted?   Even when we know that all of life's blessings come from God and that clearly our eyes should be squarely upon Jesus...we often look away from the face of Jesus.  When we take our eyes off of God's purposes for our lives, satan is right there to gain our attention. With our eyes off Jesus, even for a short time, we are vulnerable to the influence of satan's tricks.

God understands it and He warns us about it throughout the Bible. In John 10:10, Jesus says that the thief comes not except that he may steal, and kill and destroy;  I (Jesus) come that they may have life, and may have [it] abundantly.

Satan's tools are endless and he never tires.  What does he come to steal?  Well, for one thing our joy.  Our security in God's protection.  Our faith.  He comes to kill our hope and our desire to serve God.  He even comes to kill our earthly bodies.

We can't take our eyes off of Jesus.  Peter left the boat to join Jesus and was walking on the water! He hadn't practiced walking on water or taken lessons to do it.  He did it by faith and what faith that must have taken to take that first step out of the boat and onto the water.  The Bible tells us that at some point,  Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and he began to go down into the water with fear overtaking him.  Oh, how I can identify with Peter. 

This is my prayer and my goal to work toward achieving this year.  I want to experience the joy that God has in store for me.  I want to be just hard headed enough to deny satan the chance to put doubts into my mind that rob me of the peace that God wants for me.  

Lynda is always on my mind and forever in my heart.  She is also safe with Jesus out of the reach of satan.  This knowledge gives me pure joy and puts a smile on my face and a song of thanksgiving in my heart. I don't know that I have the ability to put into words what is in my heart but I want to try.

We have had readers from the United States, Russia,  Germany, France, Ukraine, Malaysia, Canada, United Kingdom, Turkey and Indonesia. These are the top ten countries who have visited the site the most often.  Some of you who have read Lynda's blog may be experiencing the same type of loss that our family has experienced. The only way that I have been able to survive this loss is knowing that God sent His only son that He loved desperately to suffer and die on a cross taking the sins of all the world with Him.  Jesus was God's gift to the world and salvation is possible only because of this precious gift of grace.

God said it all in John 3:16.  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (NIV)  

Be sure you open the gift God has given you and accept the grace that comes through Jesus.  It is the single most important decision you will ever make and will allow you to walk through dark days as well as sunny ones knowing that you are joint heirs with Christ.   

Always on my mind.  Forever in my heart.  That's where my child is and that's where God's children are, too.  Always on His mind and forever in His heart.  It just doesn't get any better than that!

John Denver - Annie's Song was also Lynda's song...

Today I was at Kroger beginning my shopping and the music to Annie's song began to play.  As many of you know, John Denver was Lynda's favorite singer and she loved his songs and could recognize them after just a few notes.  She loved the songs so much that we played them non-stop through speakers in her room when she was a little girl.  When we planned her celebration of life service, it was just appropriate that John Denver's music would play during visitation in honor of Lynda's love for his music.

I don't even remember ever hearing music in Kroger.  I'm sure I've just always tuned it out while I was busily trying to find the items on my grocery list.  Today, it just stopped me in my tracks.  I didn't know if Russ had noticed but when I looked at him and our eyes met,  I knew he had heard it also and knew what memories it would evoke.  He softly said "I'm sorry" and my reply was "I'm going to just accept this as Lynda saying hello".  I stood in the produce section and listened and remembered how she had loved this song.  I listened to the words it was one of those times that I felt God was sending me a special little reminder that Lynda was sending her love.  The song was popular in 1974.  Not your typical song to here in 2015 in the grocery store!

Listen to the lyrics.  The song is beautiful and from the album that had most of Lynda's all time favorites.  It took my breath away.  For a few minutes I just stood and listened and let my mind go back to the time that Lynda was little and knew his voice and his songs even if it was a new song she'd never heard before.

I hope Lynda gets to make friends with John Denver and hears her favorite songs often.  I always wanted to let him know what a impact he had made on her life.  I think he knows now.  Blessed mother for an unexpected gift today.  Annie's Song is Lynda's song, too.

Lynda's Snow Angel...

 God has blessed us today with one of his most beautiful creations...snow.  For those of us who live in the south, it is especially precious.  For me, I have been praying for snow both last winter and this winter to be able to make a special snow angel.

Snow gives everything a soft, clean covering.  Lynda just loved the snow.  She loved to play in it and to feel it on her face.  I always put tons of bird seed outside her windows on the sill and under the trees so the birds would come right up to her while she stood playing and watching the snow.  She loved the birds flying about, too.

Snow reminds me of Lynda and I've wanted to make a snow angel for her on her grave for two winters now.  Today, before the roads became slick and hazardous, Russ and I went over to the cemetery and I made her snow angel.  The ground wasn't completely frozen yet and the snow wasn't nearly as thick as it is now but I was afraid to wait.  It was a very therapeutic thing for this nana to do.  Warm tears mixed with cold snowflakes as happy memories mixed with the knowledge that Jesus covers our sins with his blood just as the snow covers the ground.  We become as white as snow and I can't look at the snow without thinking about how blessed we are. 

 I imagine there is snow in heaven or something even more amazing.  I cannot wait to find out!