Lynda and Kirby...The Connection

As most of you know my daughter Lynda became critically ill two years ago and was placed on life-support.  We struggled to find out the extent of her illnesses which had begun with aspiration during a seizure resulting in immediate life-threatening breathing problems necessitating being placed on a ventilator.  She developed sepsis and began to actually improve only for us to find she had cancer in her entire abdomen.  At this point, four days after entering the emergency room, there was no doubt that we were going to remove her from life support and allow her to be comfortable and loved in hospice in the hospital.

When I came home after she died and we were planning for her funeral, this little white dog's ears and face were soaking wet with my tears...day after day.  Night after night.  He knew I was in pain and he stood looking at me with such concern in his eyes, I would dry my tears and explain to him that I was okay.  He lay with me.  I held him and closed my eyes and could still feel Lynda near me when I felt his soft hair next to my face like hers.  I felt his warm body and the sound of his heartbeat was comforting enough to sometimes fall asleep for a few minutes.  He was my therapy.  He was my friend.  He was one of God's gifts to me to ease the pain of the loss I was feeling having experienced my child die in my arms.

Now he is sick and I lie with him and comfort him as he comforted me.  There is a special bond between this gentle soul who quickly adjusted his activity level to my needs.  I know that if I can bury a child and walk through the shadows of uncertainty and come out of it on the other side knowing I made the right decisions for Lynda...I will know when it's time to let Kirby go, too.  Like with Lynda, it was always a desire to be sure there was nothing else that could be done and being sure that when this was true to not allow suffering to continue.  We aren't there yet but it will come.  That is the same situation with Kirby, even though he is an animal and not a human child.  He is loved and he is cherished but it is a category much different than that of a child.  Still this dog has connections to my child.   And when the time comes to say good-bye to him, there are more deep emotions involved than simply losing a pet and that would be hard enough.  Kirby was here when Lynda came home to visit.  He was here when she went back to NMRC and I lay in the bed and cried.  God blessed me with a warm, soft living creature to comfort this mother when the nights were long and relentless.  He seems wise beyond his years.  Overnight he became blind.  Overnight he became old.

When it's Kirby's time to go I believe dogs do go to heaven and I know Lynda is going to be there waiting to play with her first dog.

I imagine him snuggling up next to her as he does me and hopefully she will feel me next to her through Kirby as I felt her presence with me.  God is amazing and I know that when he describes heaven as the perfect place it is going to include our beloved pets and all of the animals he created.  They can all walk the streets of heaven because they will be tame and harmless since heaven is perfect.  The Bible doesn't tell us this.  It is just my opinion and I trust God to design paradise with so much more than human hearts and minds could ever fathom.

The anniversary of Lynda's death is this August 3rd.  It will be two years.  I know that this makes Kirby's illness even more emotional for me because I'm thinking about Lynda so much.  We have said since we first got our dogs that we knew one day we would be called upon to give them up.  We decided long ago to enjoy them every single day, to spoil them and when we had to give them up we would look at the good times and try not to dwell on our loss.  We have sure loved and continue to love Kirby and have such wonderful memories of the past nine and a half years.  So happy God is allowing us to take care of him in his time of needing his people.



to read more about Kirby visit our blog at www.ourkirbydog.blogspot.com

Lynda and Kasidy...

Lynda didn't grow up with a dog and honestly she wasn't around animals very much when she was little.  Two little brothers and the 24 hours in the day were pretty jam packed.  Before her stroke, Lynda had loved fuzzy blankets and she would have probably loved fuzzy puppies, too. 

The first  Christmas that Lynda was home from NMRC for Christmas day after we had gotten our second dog, Kasidy...we wondered how each would respond to the other.  Kasidy always jumps and runs around people...very excited to get her head rubbed.  We knew Lynda wasn't going to understand what Kasidy wanted her to do and we didn't want Kasidy to accidentally hurt Lynda.

We didn't have to worry.  As soon as Lynda walked in the door, Kasidy was completely transformed into another dog.  As if she had been trained, she calmly walked up to Lynda and rubbed against her leg.  When Lynda sat on the sofa, Kasidy sat quietly at her feet.  When Lynda sat on the floor to play...Kasidy was right there beside her.  We sat Kasidy in the chair beside Lynda and you can see from the picture, Kasidy was totally focused on Lynda...looking deep into her eyes.  Lynda was equally thrilled with Kasidy...rubbing her soft fur like her fuzzy blanket she had when she was little.

Now Kasidy has another mission.  Just as she sensed that Lynda had special needs and couldn't handle the jumping and playing that she normally reserved for new people entering our home, she will be faced with adjusting her energy level and becoming more of a helper dog with her brother dog, Kirby who has been in intensive care with kidney failure and SARDS...Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration Syndrome which has left him totally blind practically overnight.  He will return home this Friday after having been away over a week in a much subdued condition.  Of course, Kasidy had been around Kirby the week or so before he went into the hospital and had sensed that he didn't feel good. 

The two have always helped each other. When Kasidy was outside and we had kind of forgotten she was out there, Kirby would bark at the door until we remembered and let her in.  She always paced by the door until he was back in if the weather was cold outside.  Sometimes we would just have to get him back inside so she could settle down.  It's amazing how they can form that bond but they have been together all but two years of Kirby's life so they have so many rituals...he gets the food bowls filled by his adult helpers and he barks the "blessing" until she joins him.  I have no doubt she and he will work out a system when they go outside to help him navigate the yard and back to the door safely.  They sleep together in the bed every night and they have another sister Kada-Joy who joined our family two years ago.  She has always trailed right behind Kirby when he's outside so he's going to be well covered with sisterly help.

Kirby, Kasidy and Kada-Joy have greatly helped me as I have grieved for Lynda.  When I cried, one would come and snuggle up next to me.  Kirby especially knew my emotions well and even though he has always been a hyperactive and driven dog, he would immediately shut down when I cried and I would have to explain to him that I was okay.  Dogs are amazing creatures of God.  I'm so glad Lynda got to have a puppy even for a little while.  The picture just says it all, doesn't it? 

The Men in Lynda's Life...

These three men influenced Lynda's life and probably more accurately were influenced by hers.  Larry and I adopted Lynda before either of her brothers were born.  He adored her and she felt the same about her Da-Da.  Our lives revolved around her needs and Larry was dedicated to that little blond beauty.  We walked many miles together on her behalf and she blessed our lives in ways only God could have orchestrated.

Her brothers, Kevin and Kristopher grew up with a sister with special needs which was just a normal part of our family life.  Lynda was 8 when Kevin was born and 12 when Kristopher was born.  Kris never knew the Lynda before the stroke.

These men were important in Lynda's life.  They loved her and they were willing to do anything for her.  Lynda's Daddy died three years ago today and he was waiting on her when she arrived in heaven.  That has always given me such joy knowing that she had her daddy, grandparents and siblings waiting with Jesus to greet her.

Lots of people always asked Larry and me if we knew that Lynda was handicapped when we adopted her and yes, of course we did.  We actually requested a child with special needs because we knew they were more difficult to place.  Few people could understand why we wanted to adopt a child when we could have children biologically.  The answer to that is that God called us to adopt and he had Lynda on his mind from the beginning to be our daughter.  He knew we would have Kevin and Kristopher but we were willing to obey his call to adopt and we were blessed beyond measure because we did.

Kevin and Kristopher are good men and good daddies.  They understand that all people have special strengths along with weaknesses.  They were taught about the value of a human being not being dependent upon their IQ but rather the intrinsic value of being God's creation.  I'm so proud of all three of these men who loved Lynda so dearly.

I miss you Larry.  Celebrate the third anniversary of your new birth in heaven with Lynda.  Her second anniversary will be coming up in a couple of months.  Then you two can celebrate again!

Count Your Blessings....

From the moment Lynda was born, she experienced extreme complications from having the umbilical cord wrapped around her throat.  She was flown immediately by helicopter from the hospital in Brewton, Alabama to Sacred Heart's hospital She began having seizures at just a few days old and had a heart cauterization done when she was just a couple of days old. She began taking medications for seizures when she was just a few weeks old.

As I have said in earlier posts, I was only twenty-two years old when I became Lynda's foster mother and I had no idea what Lynda's medical condition really involved.  In only a matter of weeks, I had settled into a routine of seizures, trips to the emergency room, hospital visits and many other issues that I had no prior experience with.  It wasn't until years later that it hit me full force just how precarious her life was and how much she depended on the daily anti-convulsant medications she received.  I sat beside her bed one night and thought how different her life would be in a country where medications were not readily available.  It sent shivers down my spine to realize that her life (and that of many others) is dependent on a handful of pills.

Throughout the years, I've often watched on the news as parents of children in other countries helplessly sit by their children's cots as the children slipped away due to the lack of water or food or medical help and I've wondered, why is America so blessed and why are we not more aware of our blessings?  Even within our own country, there are huge discrepancies in how our nation's children are cared for.  We seem to turn a blind eye to the fact that children are starving right here in "the land of opportunity".  We as a nation have bought into the notion of the haves and the have nots as being something that is okay.  A child goes to bed hungry at night in America and our consciences are barely pricked.  We watch it happen to children of different colors and nationalities to the point that children are orphaned and literally living on their own and we cannot even fathom how this is possible.  We are told about human trafficking of children across the world and because it hasn't happened in our neighborhood or our town, we somehow compartmentalize it away.

We live in comfort and relative safety and I wonder how many times a day we even stop to say thank you to our heavenly Father who has blessed us beyond measure?

You may not believe this but you are richer than you think. In fact, the poorest Americans are richer than 80% of the worlds population. Stop and think about that for a second. The pictures of people living in poverty in AMERICA have more wealth than almost everyone else on earth.

What this graph shows is that the poorest of Americans (with average annual income of $6,800) are richer than 68% of the world (many of which live off less than $1 a day).    The flatter the line the less inequality there is in that country.  Brazil has the biggest discrepancy between their ultra poor and wealth citizens.  One surprising result from this is that America’s poorest poor are richer than India’s richest rich (as a group).  Within India’s richest there as a vast difference between the super rich and the relatively rich for that country).

It is worth repeating---the poorest of Americans (with average annual income of $6,800) are richer than 68% of the world!  Can you wrap your mind around that?  Many live off less than $1 a day!

If you live in a country that you are  in the 32% of people in the world who live above 68% of the world's population...I hope you like I feel extremely blessed.  I know that I am undeserving and I have done nothing to place me in this group rather than the group who survives on $1 or less a day.  I also realize that those who ARE surviving on a $1 or less a day have done nothing to deserve to be in that category either. 

Lynda's life wasn't always easy but she was blessed to have fuzzy blankets, her favorite foods and people who loved her.  She had access to medications to keep her comfortable and pain free even when she was transitioning from this world to the next.  How blessed our lives are even when the world tells us otherwise.  How blessed my life was when I realized that all I needed I already had when Jesus saved me by his grace.  

When I count my blessings...Lynda is right up there at the top of the blessings God has given me.  Undeserving merit.  I am just humbled beyond words at his love for me.

Smile...

Losing a child certainly wipes away the smiles.  Grieving is hard work.  Sadness crowds out the smiles.  They are fewer to come by for a while.  Yet, God is always there and only he can continue to show us reasons to smile.

For me, the memories of Lynda were some of the first things that brought smiles back.  Her memories still bring smiles to my face and to my soul.  I cannot thank God enough for allowing me to be her mother even if it was for a far shorter period of time than I would have chosen.  My biggest smiles are when I think of Lynda in heaven seeing Jesus for the first time and being whole and able to talk and run.  I imagine HER smile and my whole heart smiles.

No matter what happens here on this earth, we know that this world is not our home.  That should bring the biggest smile ever to your face.  Think about it!  God has prepared a place for you in heaven to live with him forever and ever and ever!  All that is required is accepting the gift of grace by believing in and accepting Jesus as our personal savior.  Too simple?  God designed it that way.  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16.

The joy that comes with that decision will keep you smiling in your heart though any and everything that life throws at you.  Satan wants to steal, destroy and kill.  Don't let him rob you of your joy.  God wants to keep you smiling.  That's why he sent his son.

Losing a child...

It is a reality that few people can understand unless they have lost a child themselves and that's not something any of us who have been unwillingly drafted into this club want for any other parent.  At the beginning, we struggled just to breathe.  We honestly feel that our hearts will soon stop beating.  We sometimes secretly wish that it would happen and allow us to escape from the pain that grips our hearts and our lives.

We know that life will never be the same even when well meaning friends try to comfort us by telling us it will all be okay.  We know they only mean well.  We also know that it is a lie they unwillingly pass along in an attempt to make us feel better and to say what they truly hope is true.  But it isn't.  It will never be okay again.  Yes, we will survive.  That's what parents who bury a child do.  They survive but they lose a part of their soul when they leave the cemetery and their child remains only as a memory.

For those of us who are Christians, we know that the grave is not the end.  We know that one day we will see our child again.  We know that our loved one is in heaven with God and we rejoice that this is true.  But there is a great span between earth and heaven and it may be many years before we too arrive at the gates of heaven to be reunited with our child and see Jesus face to face.

Losing a child changes us and even when we begin to adjust to the new normal, a part of our hearts are wounded forever and we can't help but be changed.  Most of us don't try to explain it fully to those who haven't visited their child in the cemetery and laid flowers on the grave where we ourselves would like to lay with our arms outstretched in an attempt to hold the memories even closer to our hearts.  We press on.  We even eventually laugh again and we see things in this world that are better because our loved one was here.  And when we feel we are over the hump and can travel outside into the world without fear of sadness sweeping over us like a wave...we see something in a store that reminds us of our child or we hear a song or smell something that brings memories flooding back and we are defenseless for the emotional floodgates that are opened again.  And so it goes.  We do the best we can do and we accept the fact that losing a child changes us, not just for the first year, but for life.  And we put one foot in front of the other...and we go on trying never, ever to forget a single thing about our child and thanking God daily for the gift he shared so graciously with us here on this earth.

To God Be the Glory...

 

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." - Ephesians 3:20

 

There are so many things I want to ask God when I get to heaven.  It will take an eternity to understand how the maker of the universe could love us so much.  I will spend eternity thanking him for sending his son to die for ME.  I cannot wrap my mind around that kind of love.  

 My daughter was mistreated and abused and it broke my heart.  Jesus was mistreated, abused and killed because of my sins.  It is a sobering thought to realize that I was personally responsible for the death of God's son.  Yet, he loves me and considers me a joint heir with his beloved son, Jesus.  How can this be?  Long ago I forgave those who harmed my child and who caused her to suffer a stroke at the age of ten.  I had to forgive to be able to move on with my life and take care of Lynda.  It was so much easier to turn it all over to God than to carry the pain alone.  I forgave but because I am human, I cannot always forget.  I try to but there are times that it haunts me.  The Bible says that God is able to both forgive and forget our sins.  How he is able to forget is one of those questions I think I want to know the answer to when I get to heaven.   It's no more amazing than his love for us and that he would prepare a place for us to live with him forever.  It just makes you want to shout when you realize how blessed we are, doesn't it?  

Lynda's life was so limited here on earth but she was loved immensely and her memories are cherished.  As her mother, I made mistakes and learned right along side her.  I was her caregiver.  She was my teacher.  I was her advocate.  She was my inspiration.  I was her Nana.  She was my daughter.  My love.  My forever child.

Lynda was an answer to prayers.  She was a gift from God that we had no idea how long we would be privileged to enjoy.  There was never enough time and oh how I miss her.  When I was with her I knew I was in the presence of angels because I felt that God sent them to protect her, to entertain her and to communicate to her in ways we could not here on earth.

To God be the glory for the great things he has done!  He has loved us, he has saved us and he has prepared a place for us where Lynda is already enjoying eternity in the presence of God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit.  She is able to talk with Noah and hear about the animals on the ark.  She is able to hear first hand from Moses about how it felt when the Red Sea parted and he walked on dry land.  Jonah may have already told her about his adventures in the stomach of the big fish and Peter may have told her what it felt like to walk on the water.  I know without a doubt that Jesus has told her over and over how much he loves her and how proud he is of the life she lived and the influence she had on lives in ways she didn't understand until she was in heaven.

I pray that if you haven't given your life to Jesus and invited him into your heart that you will do that right now.  It's a gift of grace that Jesus freely extends to every person.  Admit you are a sinner, repent of your sins and ask Jesus to come into your heart.  It will be the best decision you have ever made and to God be the Glory!