We went to put the "Easter Egg" wind chimes at Lynda's grave and walked around both sides of the cemetery. The temperature was perfect. The birds were singing and just as I was in view of our car and Lynda's bow on the top of her angel wings...it hit me like it was all brand new. I wasn't expecting it but I didn't fight the tears that rolled down my face and onto the ground. I had been thinking about Lynda's first Easter with us and the Easter that she rolled down the hill at her first Easter Egg Hunt oblivious to the colored eggs hidden in the grass but happy to play her own game. I was remembering the little white haired beauty in her little blue dress with the embroidered bunny across the top...the smiles...the giggles and the view of her grave....Just wasn't prepared for the visceral reaction when what was and what is were juxtapositioned in my brain. It is these moments that I give in to being a mother and weep for my own loss. Later, I will remember that she is in heaven and that fact alone will bring me comfort but for a few moments this afternoon all I could think about was how much I wished I could feel her body next to mine as I hugged her.
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