Lynda's First Valentine...

When a child is on the lower end of the spectrum of autism, they often don't have a means of communicating effectively.  Lynda had about eight words that she used with multiple meanings.  For instance she could say "kitty kitty" and that referred to any four legged animal.  She called me nana and she could say hot.  She coined the name for her grandmother, "nana hot" which was ingenious because her Grandmother cooked her favorite foods and was often at the stove.  She called Larry "Da da" and her Granddaddy Anderson, "Dada Bye Bye" because she loved to go riding in the car and he was the one who dropped everything and took her out to see the cows (kitty kittys) in the country.

She had about eight words and when she added a new one to her repertoire, one of the known words disappeared.  It was as if her little brain could keep in working memory only eight or so words so she made the most of what she had.  You can see how every word was precious and when she used "Howdy" to greet her friend Billy Reynolds each day on the little special needs school bus, he was quick to respond with "howdy".  Billy was the son of Lynda's teacher Jan and drove the bus as a young man.  He loved Lynda and it was mutual.  She was the first passenger he picked up and the last to get off.  Her seat was right behind his and there is no telling how many times she said "howdy" during the bus route but one thing I know for sure is that for every time she said it, he responded with "howdy".  Billy was her first valentine.

There are not a lot of young men who fall in love with a special needs child but this one did.  He was this big tough guy with a gentle spirit for Lynda.  When she was six or seven, her class was going to the zoo in Memphis which was about an hour and a half from Oxford where we lived.  I wasn't going to send her on the trip because I couldn't go.  Billy asked for permission to take her and be responsible for her that day.  Responsibility for a child who was as likely to try and climb into the cages with the animals as not or to break away from the group running at break neck speeds was not something to be taken lightly.  When I saw how serious he was about wanting her to go, I allowed her to go.  I have beautiful pictures of her sitting on a bench with a bright red balloon tied to her wrist and some with Billy standing beside her as she rode the merry-go-round grinning from ear to ear.  He sat beside her at the picnic table at lunch.  He spent the entire day beside this little blond streak of lightening and my heart was overflowing with gratitude that Lynda had a valentine all year long.

He babysat for her as is demonstrated in the picture here at a time when we didn't leave her with very many babysitters due to her seizures.  Who would have ever dreamed this popular guy would chose to spend an evening with his seven year old valentine but he did repeatedly.

There came a time when Billy joined the Air Force and we have pictures of him telling his now twelve year old Valentine goodbye for a while.  When he came home to Oxford to visit he always dropped by the house to say "howdy" to his first little valentine now with his wonderful wife, Donna whom he married, by the way on Valentine's Day.  Billy is now Bill.  The babysitter of my little special needs daughter is now a Full  Bird Colonel in the United States Air Force.  He made a career in the USAF and a career of helping others.

When Lynda passed away we wanted Billy to be able to participate from across the country so Russ arranged to skype with him during visitation.  He was set up on one side of the visitation room and Kristopher who was in Denver was on the other side.  I was so touched that the air force had allowed him to adjust his schedule to be a part of saying good-bye to his friend.  I was touched that after all of these years, Lynda was still a large part of his heart.

The Billy Reynolds of this world who make a difference in the lives of special needs children and their families are a rare commodity.   He was raised by a mama who loved special needs children with every fiber of her soul.  Jan Reynolds was Lynda's teacher and my mentor.  I owe so much to her.  Raising her children to respect and love the weakest of God's creations is just another thing that she can add to her list of accomplishments. 

This Valentine's Day and every one to come I think of Lynda and I thank God that she had a special valentine who loved her just like she was.

Lynda's Blue Bird

When I saw this ceramic blue bird this week-end, I knew immediately where one was going.  If you didn't read my story about the blue birds about three months after Lynda passed away, I've included it again.  


 About a week after we put the angel wings at Lynda's grave I was walking over when I noticed a bird sitting on the top of the display.  As it flew away I could see the beautiful blue wings and the rust colored breast and knew a blue bird had stopped there to perch.  Bluebirds are beautiful to me and  they're also a bird that I don't see every day.  When I saw the bluebird resting on the wrought iron plant hanger beside Lynda's grave I  thought about the bird being referred to as "the bluebird of happiness".  How ironic.  This was a bluebird but certainly not a bluebird of happiness in the middle of the cemetery.  But there it sat as if it were part of the display we had created and the symbolism was not lost on me.

There must be flocks and flocks of bluebirds in heaven, each more iridescent than the other. 

I thought that I had read that bluebirds didn't flock but traveled alone or with a partner.  So I thought this bluebird was the only one or at best one of two who lived nearby.

Last week as I was walking around the cemetery looking at stones nearby, I saw another bluebird.  And then another and another.  Obviously I was wrong about the bluebirds not flocking because there not far from Lynda's grave was a small flock of bluebirds.  They spread their wings when they saw me and I watched their blue wings catch the sun's light.  The beautiful undersides of their wings shine and glow when the sun  magnifies the brilliance of the blue.                                                            

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Apparently they have made this their home or somewhere close.  I see them often when I'm visiting Lynda's grave.  Maybe they're there to remind us all that this world is not our home.  The body we use here on earth is not our final body.  For a Christian, nothing is final about the grave.

Paul said it best.  “We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 5:8.

So today,  two months and three weeks after Lynda left this body and winged her way to heaven with Jesus I look at these beautiful bluebirds and consider them a gentle reminder from God that the cemetery IS the place to celebrate happiness for Lynda.  To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.  The only sadness that I have is because I miss her.

When no one disturbs the quiet of the cemetery there are beautiful bluebirds throughout the grounds.  Sometimes a bird lingers so it can remind a grieving mother that true happiness is knowing your child is safe in the arms of Jesus.

The God of Angel Armies....

The God of angel armies is who is standing by my side and who is holding the world in His hands and MY world in his hands.  I love the lyrics and the line about He is a friend of mine.  How awesome that we can call God our friend and that He considers us HIS friend.  He holds my Lynda is His hands and there is no better feeling in the world than to know that when Lynda left this world I knew that God stood before me and before Lynda and He who commands angel armies scooped her up into His arms into safety from this evil world she had endured.  Indeed, whom shall I fear when the God of angel armies is on my side!  Let it really sink in.  Isn't it just more than you can fathom?  If you think the battles that are being fought on this earth today are bad (and they are) they pale in comparison to the spiritual battles that are being waged all around us every day.  Indeed, they are really one and the same.  The God of Angel Armies can be by your side, too if you just ask Him into your heart.  It's a wonderful feeling to know that God will always go before you and is always behind.  He always surrounds you and protects you and commands the angels to keep watch.  Claim your promise.

Riptides and Memories...

I haven't written a post in a while.  It's certainly not because Lynda hasn't been on my mind.  I can't really explain the place I have been in the grieving process but I imagine some of you who have walked this road before me will understand.  Even though I have been able to express my thoughts and feelings about Lynda and all that was and is associated with her, there came a time about Christmas that I just could not do it any more.  I felt like I was in the movie "A Christmas Carol" where the three ghosts were visiting Scrooge and he was being shown the Christmas of Christmas Past.  He told the spirit to remove him because he could not bear it any more.

Especially at Christmas I have such bittersweet memories and while I wouldn't take anything for each one,  I found especially this Christmas I had to be so careful with my heart.  I was explaining to someone the other day that one of the things you realize when you lose a loved one is that the pictures you have right now at this moment are all that will ever be taken.  Lynda didn't always enjoy having her picture made (and that's such a nice way of putting it) so I don't have tons of pictures to begin with.  When I was gathering pictures for the funeral I had to stop looking after a short period of time and plan the rest of the service.  I put the boxes back into storage.  I have looked at each picture that I have out a zillion times.  I'm now ready to go through the boxes again and try to find every single picture that I have ever taken.

Grief is a strange emotion that changes like a chameleon.  It washes over you like a wave.  It ebbs and flows and sometimes there are rip currents that aren't expected.  It can happen even in the shallow part of the water.  Even a good swimmer  has to be vigilant about going into the ocean.  Regardless of the potential dangers,  the gentle waves of the ocean and the soft warm sand is comforting and makes me happy.  Grief has a similar effect when dealing with  the memories of a loved one.  Sometimes it is gentle and at other times, it causes us to gather our memories close to our hearts to avoid drowning in the depth of just how deep the grief can actually be.  Sometimes our life preserver is to just hold our loved one in our heart without sharing a single memory with another living soul.  I don't know why.  Like the advice given to swimmers caught in the riptide to just swim parallel with the coast and not try to fight the force that is trying to pull them down...dealing grief is similar.  It goes against what our first instincts are and that is to fight it.  Slowly we learn to just swim parallel to the coast until we are out of the downward pull of the riptide.  Then, we take a deep breath, dry ourselves off and in a few days venture back into the water.

So, I've dried myself off and survived the swim out of the rough waters yet again.  I'll go back into the ocean of memories because it's one of my favorite places in the world but I know that it's not safe to swim alone.  Sharing Lynda's stories and memories feels like the warm sun is shining down with  a soft breeze blowing off the ocean.  I can close my eyes and for just a little while I'm there and so is she.

Dancing With Jesus...

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

This is a drawing of a little girl spinning and twirling with Jesus.  The original  drawing was drawn for a little girl with limited mobility.  The opportunity for her to be able to dance with Jesus represents the joy and perfection of heaven itself.  It is true for Lynda, too.  Limited after her stroke for the last thirty years of her life, she could no longer more with the agility that she did as a little girl.  In heaven, I imagine her dancing with Jesus with a perfect body that can glide and move with the skill of the most beautiful ballerina.  Her energy and joy comes from holding the hand of the savior.  What an amazing day it will be to be able to look into the eyes of Jesus who loves us enough to come to earth to secure our place in heaven with Him forever.  

As heaven celebrates the birth of our savior, I cannot imagine how magnificent heaven is but I know that Lynda is there enjoying  her second Christmas in heaven with Jesus and maybe even singing Oh Holy Night with her Dad.  I cannot wait to see her dance her way into my arms again.

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Pencil drawing of a little girl looking up at Jesus in delight as they dance together. What little girl doesn’t love to spin and twirl? And how much more fun it is when holding the hand of a loving adult. Dancing with Jesus would be a treat for any little girl, but for disabled little girls with limited mobility (as was the child for whom this was drawn), such an opportunity would represent the joy and perfection of Heaven itself. “”…let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance.” (Psalms 149:3) - See more at: http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/heavenly-dance/#sthash.dh29zkIh.dpuf

Lynda Had Someone Who Believed in Her...

This is a true statement but isn't it just as true about all children? It could just as easily read "All children just need a little help, a little hope, and someone who believes in them".  Kids with special needs may need varying degrees of help and that might go over the amount that typically developing children require but all children need hope and someone who believes in them.  The problem for kids with special needs is when someone or a lot of someones have the mind set that there is no hope.  With no hope goes finding people who believe it them.  A lot of this can be prevented or attitudes changed by educating the public about what talents and skills kids with special needs have.  If we look only at the struggles a child may be experiencing in a particular area of development we are going to be less likely to see the same child in a positive light for the many gifts and talents he does have in other areas.

God made us all unique and different and those differences are what make us all special.  We shouldn't strive to make cookie cutter kids who all fit the same mold.  It isn't the way God created us and it's not what's best for our world.  We need people who think outside the box.  People who solve problems in unorthodox ways (and many of our children especially on the autism spectrum) will grow up to be our future scientists, inventors, problem solvers IF we nourish them, believe in them and refrain from trying to make every child fit one mold.

Lynda was loved and cherished for exactly the child God created.  I don't know what plans God had for Lynda but I know He used her in mighty ways even though she was essentially non-verbal most of her life.  Those who loved her and were touched by her life carried her hope into classrooms across the nation and continued to bestow the gift of believing in a child with special needs thus influencing the education and improving the quality of life for many other special people.

I know that for over 40 years, Lynda has been my inspiration and motivation to advocate for the rights and needs of children and adults with special needs of all exceptionalities.  Never give up expecting the world to provide for the needs of our special children.  Where there is hope there is energy to keep fighting for people who can often not speak for themselves.

Never stop believing... especially during this season of love when we celebrate the birth of our Lord who gave the ultimate gift for our hope for eternal life.  He believes in us and was willing to die to secure our futures with Him.  All you have to do is believe and give your heart to Christ.  He will give you eternal hope to us as His children who are all in need of the grace He gives freely when we truly believe.

Have a joyous Christmas season.  You have someone who believes in you!

In the Presence of God...

This is Lynda's second Christmas in heaven.  As I've shopped this year, I still see things that I immediately think "Oh, that will be great for Lynda" quickly followed by the realization that buying her gifts is no longer possible.  Sure, I decorate her grave seasonally but there are no presents under the tree.

I went to a Christmas musical festival at church last night and as I listened to the music and watched the depiction of Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus I let my mind imagine Lynda in heaven in the presence of God.  It literally sent chills down my spine.  Russ and I were sitting in worship amazed at the love of our Father to send His only son for our sins and as I watched this awesome performance I thought of the reality of the story being told on this stage.  Jesus is alive in heaven and Lynda is spending eternity with him because of the events we are seeing portrayed in this musical performance.  As a little girl dressed in white and wearing a halo made of shiny silver tinsel leaned down and kissed the face of the baby Jesus actor I thought of how it is possible that angels kiss the face of my little girl and no matter how wonderful this production was it can in no way compare to heaven and the celebration that goes on there every second of every day of eternity.

What present could I ever give Lynda that compares to the one she received when she died and entered paradise and into the presence of God forever and ever.  My heart was overcome with joy and the peace that passes all understanding.  I am more humbled this Christmas than ever before when I realize how blessed my Lynda is and how one day I will see her again.  Oh, how I miss her but how thrilled I am that she is in the presence of God.  While we all struggle with the injustices of this earth, the imperfections of mankind and the influences of satan around every corner we turn...we can hold fast to the knowledge that Christ has already defeated the evil one and he did so by leaving heaven to become a little baby born in a manger.  Come let us adore Him today and every day and let us look forward to the day we too shall stand in the presence of God.