Burden Into Blessing

This Friday and Saturday marks three months since Lynda was removed from life support and entered into paradise with Jesus.

Three months of the rawest emotions I've ever experienced.

I've known since day one that God could and would turn the burden of losing Lynda into a blessing.  I don't know how but I have faith that He will.

Even with the burden of the loss of a loved one, this experience of loss is still mixed with blessings upon blessings.

God is good.  He is amazingly good.

My Little Doll on Halloween

 This was Lynda's first Halloween with us in 1975.  She was four years old and I don't have to tell you much more because the grin on her face tells the rest.

I think this was the only Halloween costumes that I ever bought.  This picture was her Daddy's favorite of all the pictures we have of her.  She was sitting in a little cradle that my Uncle Forrest had made.  She was still just a tiny thing.  This picture just makes me want to squeeze her.

The picture below of Lynda as Raggedy Ann was made in 1976 when she was five years old.  This is one of my favorite pictures of Lynda, actually.  The pose looks like she just sat down and said "Shoot when you're ready".  LOL  Obviously this shot was made after the other five rolls of film had worn her out.  Her hands are even folded in her lap.  I made this costume and she did look just like a little doll.  The big Raggedy Ann doll that she is sitting on in the first picture and the big one behind her in this picture is the doll we bought the night before she came to be our foster child.  It was always used to sit on but never to play with.  When Kevin and Kristopher came along, I made them a Raggedy Andy costume and posed them at about the same age.  I had to do theirs a year or two younger because by age five they were choosing their costumes and Raggedy Andy wouldn't have been the choice.

These pictures bring back such sweet memories of a time that was so much safer for our children.  I remember making candy apples and caramel apples for the children who trick-or-treated on our street.  As far as the food was concerned, the only thing parents worried about was kids getting a stomach ache from eating too much candy, not poisons or razor blades like today.

I don't even like Halloween anymore.  When my kids were little it was just a fun time to dress up in cute costumes. 

Autism: Oh, The Possibilities

Autism:  Oh, the possibilities has so many meanings.  For Lynda, I always tried not to look at the possibilities of what she could have learned had her life not been interrupted at the age of ten.  There were so many possibilities but we will never know.

Today there are even more possibilities with applied behavior analysis and early intervention.  There are more possibilities for children to become communicators by speaking, using augmentative communication devices, sign language, PECS....the possibilities are endless.

When Lynda was four in 1975 and PL-94-142 was just being signed into law, parents for the first time saw possibilities for their children with autism.  The prognosis at that time in history was not that promising and the possibilities were elusive.  Most parents never gave up.  They never took their eyes off of the possibilities.  In 2013, we see more and more possibilities for children with autism.  With early intervention, we see the possibility of a child actually losing his diagnosis of autism because he no longer demonstrates many of the diagnostic criteria.  Through persistent therapy and many hours of hard work on the part of therapists, teachers and parents this is a real possibility. We see more and more children participating in inclusion classes and them being successful.

Autism is no longer a diagnosis of hopelessness.  It is instead recognized as a spectrum disorder ranging from mild to profound.  Lynda's autism was in the severe range but proper training could have made a lot of difference.

I can't do anything about the past.  It is what it is.  I can make a difference in the future of children like Lynda.  Early intervention is the key to unlocking the possibilities.  Applied Behavior Analysis is the only therapy that has been proven by research to be effective especially for children on the more severe end of the spectrum.

If you suspect your child, grandchild or other child in your life has characteristics of autism, get help.  Don't give up after one door closes.  Keep looking and advocating until you receive help.  In 2013 there is still a great divide among physicians and psychologists who will diagnose a child early, preferring to wait for the child to "outgrow it".  They won't.  Don't accept no if your child displays the symptoms of autism.  It can make the difference in the number of possibilities available to your child for a lifetime.

Falling Leaves and a Child With Autism

Like most kids, Lynda loved to play in the leaves.  In fact, regardless of what event was planned....if there were leaves on the ground that was entertainment enough.

If there was a pile of leaves that someone had raked she was going to be right in the middle of it.  Like many children with autism Lynda liked to hold a leaf up in front of her eyes and move it around slowly.  She gave the leaf the attention that one might reserve for viewing a fine diamond.

The first scratch Lynda ever had was on her face and happened when she was playing in leaves and slipped.  She scratched her face on a stick or something on the ground.  I was so worried that it would leave a scar on her face since she was so fair skinned.  It didn't but I quickly learned that I was going to be lucky to keep her in one piece.  A few scratches here and there were going to probably happen.

That was actually in the spring during her first Easter Egg hunt.  She was not so impressed with the eggs but loved the leaves.

And that's kind of the story with most activities that Lynda participated in.  There were games and activities planned for typically developing children which they loved.  There was an equal amount of fun had by Lynda, a child with autism who amused herself with other things....like the leaves. 

Heaven's Heart

Every day I think of Lynda and I thank God for sharing her with me for 42 years.  Working on the design and etching for her headstone has been a small tribute to her life.  When she is shown with angels surrounding her here on earth, I believe it is just a small depiction of the love that God had for Lynda while she was with us.

In heaven she knows her angels by name.  She has also seen the face of God and felt the arms of Jesus wrapped around her.  I look toward the heavens and marvel at what is beyond the clouds.  Beyond this world.  I rejoice with Lynda for finally reaching home.  Like the heart cloud there is an emptiness with her gone from the center of my heart.  Knowing she is in the ultimate place of joy and happiness, I can now concentrate on the heart cloud on the outside symbolizing eternal love instead of the empty blue space left.

It looks as though the clouds are slowly filling in the blue emptiness of the heart.  I think it's like that with grief.  One day my heart will be whole again and when it is....I will have space to remember all of the wonderful memories as the sorrow takes less and less space in my heart.  She will always be in my heart.  Always.

Autism....the world from a different perspective

I love this picture.  It is such a great visual.  Children with autism often seem to be marching to the beat of a different drummer.  When everyone is going in one direction...a child with autism often seems to be going against the flow.  He is paying attention to how to line the toys up in perfect lines while the other kids are playing with the toys as they were designed.

It is important to keep in mind that seeing the world from a different perspective is not inherently a bad thing.  Great designers and inventors, scientists and engineers see the world from a different perspective.  We are thankful that they do because of the contributions these different perspectives have made to our world.

We certainly want children with autism to be able to improve communication and social skills to be able to interact with their environment because that is where they live.  The environment can be modified and the child with autism can receive accommodations to better bridge the gap between where he is and where he needs to go.

What is dangerous to me is the attitude that we must "fix" the child with autism. We need to be careful that we are making decisions for a child with autism that will help him better reach his potential while being fully aware that each child is an individual with different gifts and talents.

If a child is unable to communicate effectively we need to help him develop the skills necessary to communicate.  We do not, however need to teach him what to say.  The same is certainly true of social skills.  A child with autism has to be able to navigate the world with behaviors that are considered socially acceptable for his culture.  He does not have to be a clone of every other typically developing child.

The world from the perspective of a child with autism may be a different one but it is no less valuable than that of his typically developing peer.  As we strive to help children with autism be successful in our educational system and the world as a whole....we need to always remember to treasure the differences that make each child an individual masterpiece.

More Pictures of the Etching of Lynda's Stone

 These are some of the pictures of the different processes of the etching.  The picture on the left is the finished etching before color was added.  It would have been a beautiful piece even just etched in white.

Below is the artist, Gail Morton.  The pictures aren't in the order of how the stone was etched.

 Once the paint is applied to the etched areas, it is scraped off with a razor so only the paint in the lightly etched (scratched) places holds the paint.  The places that aren't prepared to accept paint are scraped off with a razor and the smooth stone remains shiny and beautiful.

Below all of the paint has been applied and now Gail is scratching the paint off of the areas that will allow the black stone to show through.

The whole process is thinking backwards in that you are starting with black instead of white.  You have to leave a tiny black line to separate the colors as the paint flows into the different areas.  It would all twist my brain into a knot but Gail has etched for eleven years and completed this from start to finish in three hours.

AMAZING!