Today marks the second year since Lynda's death. To say that I have dreaded the week from July 30th (when Lynda first entered the emergency room) through August 3rd (the day she died) would be a huge understatement. The days leading up to this week have been extremely emotional. No matter how much I concentrated on her being in heaven and how thankful I was for that...being her mother who misses her just always won out and the tears would follow. Last year school began on August 4th so I didn't have to be at school on "the" day. I've known for a year that school would begin on August 3rd this year and that our group district meeting would be in the gym at South Pontotoc where we were when the hospital was calling us two years ago about Lynda's condition. The very next day, we found ourselves having to make the decision to remove her from life support to hospice services.
So, you can see where I was emotionally and where I wanted to be was celebrating that Lynda was in heaven and thinking about all of the wonderful things that she could do now. I did not want to relive every minute of the night she died. So Sunday I began praying fervently to God to give me a miracle or supernatural strength to go to sleep Friday night and think only of heaven. To give me joy and happiness to come back to school on Monday completely focused on my job and not fighting away the memories of two years ago.
I went to sleep last night thinking about God preparing green pastures for me as he explains in Psalms 23 and I imagined His love covering me like a warm blanket. I slept better than I have in weeks. I could feel the weight lifted from my shoulders and as I write this tonight I have no doubt at all that God answered my prayers because I could not have done this on my own.
To God be the glory for Lynda and for the influence she has had on so many lives. I especially give Him the glory for turning my sadness today into joy. What a mighty God we serve.
