God Knows Our Future....

I love this scripture for so many reasons.  First, God knows the plans He has for us because He knows our past and every detail of our future.  He spoke these words to Jeremiah and although it must have been exciting to know that God's plans were to prosper him and to not harm him, I think the most wonderful part of the promise is that God says He has plans to give him hope and a future.

God doesn't promise to prosper us although He often does.  We are blessed beyond measure and only through grace are we able to enjoy the many things God gives that we so often take for granted.  We always have hope when we put our lives into God's hands.  We already know our future because Jesus secured it for us.  All of the other is just fluff.

God blessed me with 39 years as Lynda's mother here on earth.  He has blessed me beyond what words can even express with eternal life and hope for the future to be with Lynda again.  He has prospered me.  I have everything I need and more.  He protects me from harm because I know that even if I lose my life here on earth, I have a new eternal body waiting for me.  This is my hope and this is my future.  Praise God for loving us enough to send His son to die for us.

Because of You....

When I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to take care of children.  Most little girls like to play with dolls but I think even by the time I was in the first grade, I wanted to not only take care of my baby dolls but I wanted to take all of the little girls in my first grade class that looked like they didn't have a mama.  I continued to think about the little girl with the dirty face or the one who ate crayons even after I was at home at night.

I consider myself fortunate that God introduced me to my life mission at an early age.  At 22, I knew that I wanted to work with children with special needs and that I wanted to be the parent of a child with autism.  Regardless of how different this path may seem to others it was custom designed by God for me.

Lynda was the center of God's plan for me.  Parenting a child with autism and medical needs, I found my inner strength.  Because of Lynda and the doors God continued to open for me in the field of special education and advocacy I was inspired to do bigger things than I could have imagined on my own.

As I have come to the end of my journey that God called me to travel with Lynda I can not imagine my life over the past 39 years without her.  Her life will continue to influence mine until I join her in heaven.  Working with children with special needs is as much a part of my life as breathing.  I think it has always been such an important focus of my life because it drew me closer to God's heart for humanity.

With so many options and directions in life I thank God that He loaned Lynda to me.  I could have had no better guide to my life's purpose.

Kathy's Testimony---Lynda ....Given January 22, 1995

We were having a series of lessons on love and our choir director, Allen Harris of North Oxford Baptist Church asked if I would give my testimony about Lynda.  He had asked me before but it was the 20th anniversary of Lynda coming to live with us and I wanted to try to tell God's story to honor Him and Lynda.

It was difficult to talk about a lot of the things that had happened during the previous 20 years and I rarely could do it without crying.  I was not a public speaker and in fact speaking in front of a group of people was not something a person with social anxiety dreamed of doing.  The desire to tell Lynda's story and God's unending love was greater than my fear.

When I gave the testimony on the 20th anniversary in 1995, I had no idea how much longer Lynda would be with me.  We had entered a new phase of our lives with Lynda living at the North Mississippi Regional Center in Oxford which was our hometown.  Now in 2014, I know that this testimony was almost the half-way mark of our journey.  Lynda entered heaven on August 3, 2013.  This January 22nd would have been the 39th anniversary of her first day as my daughter.

There was only one copy of the testimony and it was a video rather than a DVD.  After moving back to Booneville, I tried to watch the video and it had all types of static and rolling lines on it.  I was heartsick but kept the video in hope that it might someday be able to be restored.  Then we moved two years ago to a different house and it was lost in the many boxes that were packed by professional packers.  We had many boxes of family videos and although I had looked through many of them, I could not find it.  Yesterday, I went into the laundry room and decided to clean out a box that had family pictures that I'd left until I had decided where to display them.  Immediately as I looked into the box, I saw the video label....Kathy's Testimony, January 22, 1995.  God is amazing but I still couldn't look at it since we didn't have a video player.  All day I prayed to God to restore the video to it's original quality so I could share His story of how He used Lynda in ways only He could do.  After hours of work, Russ was able to convert the video to a DVD and load it to You Tube and as you can see, it is as viewable as the day I spoke 19 years ago.  This is Lynda's story as designed by God and told by her mother.  To God be the glory.  Great things He has done!

It Was January 22, 1975 When God Brought Lynda to Me

 

Thirty-nine years ago today, I became Lynda's mother.  I had no idea that this little girl would change my life forever.  Thirty-two years ago today I stood by Lynda's bed after she had suffered a stroke at Millcreek and again our lives were forever changing.  In a few days, it will have been six months since Lynda left this earth for her real home in heaven. Saying good-bye to her was really hard but I know that the good-bye was NOT forever.

Lynda is in heaven and at home with God for eternity.  What a blessing it has been that God allowed me to spend time with Lynda here on earth as her mother.  What rejoicing there will be when she and I are reunited in heaven one day.

What we think is forever on earth is fleeting when compared to eternity. 

Lynda, you are loved and missed but I praise God that you are finally home and living the perfect life.  Today is filled with prayers of thanksgiving and many wonderful memories.

Lynda In My Dreams....

For the past two nights I've dreamed about Lynda.  For five months I've prayed to dream about her.  You know the kind of dreams that when you wake up you have to keep reminding yourself that it was just a dream?  I have had those kind of dreams that when I woke from them I was really, really glad it was just a dream.  I've also had the kind of dreams that I never wanted to wake up from.  That was the type of dream I have prayed for...to visit with Lynda in my dreams.

Tuesday night I dreamed about Lynda, Kevin, and Kristopher when they were little.  There were lots of things going on in the dream....it would be happening in our house in Oxford and then suddenly we would be somewhere else and two days later I can't remember much about it.  I just knew when I woke up, I had seen my kids in my dream but I never really saw Lynda's face.  Still it was comforting to dream about the time in my life when I had three young children.  In order for Kristopher to have been born it had to have been after Lynda's stroke...but it was just a dream and dreams don't have to reflect reality.

Wednesday night (last night) I dreamed about Lynda again.  This time I saw her face.  I was dressing her and she was about four years old.  It was a dream that jumped from thing to thing....but the memory of seeing her and dressing her....it was sweet.  She had been to NMRC as a resident but she kind of went back and forth between being older and young like when we first moved to Oxford.  In my dream, I went to visit her at NMRC and discovered that she was young again.  She could walk and run and they had bought these really cool shoes for her.  In my dream, when I put those shoes on her (they were handmade from felt), she could walk and it was as if all of the disabilities vanished.  I remember going into social services and telling them there had been a mistake and I was taking her home.  It was just as real as if someone had told me that she had not really died.

In that time, the dream seemed to go forever.  Our minds must really create images for dreams more quickly than the speed of light.  When I woke this morning, I could tell Russ all about the parts of the dream.  As I get ready to go to bed tonight most of the dream has faded away except the feeling that I spent time with Lynda last night.  I saw her face.  I spent time with her.  I don't remember her saying anything but I was able to hold her hand and walk down the sidewalk.  It was just a peaceful and wonderful dream to wake from.  As I've thought about the little felt shoes that were so vivid in the dream, I've just realized that they were some like my mother had made one of my dolls when I was little. 

The subconscious brain is fascinating to me.  How our brain uses sleep and dreams to work out problems or plant deeper in our brains the things we've learned or experienced during the day...God is indeed amazing and beyond anything a human mind can imagine.  God's power to comfort us isn't only in our waking hours. Why would we believe that He is limited in any way?  I can feel His arms wrapped around me as I fall asleep safe in the knowledge that He never sleeps.  No, I don't feel arms literally but I feel His presence in a very real way as I talk to Him before I fall asleep.  I know He is there watching over me, hearing my prayers and that the Holy Spirit is interceding for me to make my prayers pleasing to God.

As I go to bed each night I fall asleep thanking God for all of the people in my life, for all that he's done for me, and for all He is still planning to do.

Wishing I Could Hold You Again...

At Morgan's birthday party Friday night there was a little boy just a little smaller than Lynda was when she became our foster daughter.  He had the very white blond hair and although he wasn't two yet, he was about her size.

I watched him as he played and as he ran toward his mama.  As he walked away toward the bouncy house he looked so much like the little girl I chased around the house so many years ago.

I watched him play pee pie around his mama's legs as he was sure he was hidden and he would giggle and ask to play again. And then he was off again.  Running and playing.

I found myself watching him as his little body transformed before my eyes into the memory of my little girl doing the same things.  I stood mesmerized and was not prepared when the memories flooded my heart and the tears began to fill my eyes and stream down my face.

That's the way grief is.  It hides and hibernates and we think it's "put away" for a season because after all, it has been five months now.  Holding and loving on my six grandchildren and spending time with their parents during Christmas holidays was the best thing this side of heaven. 

God is so good to me.  His love is more than enough.

You Don't Have a Clue....

  
Especially since Lynda died five months ago this has been the overarching theme of my life but it's more than okay.  I don't have to know what God is doing, not even a clue because He knows my life from the beginning to the end.  With more years to experience God and to realize that I really don't have a clue...I rarely pray for a specific thing to be done a specific way.  Why?  Because God knows what He's doing.  His plans for me are so more elaborate than I could even imagine with my human brain.  I will take a burden to Him and pour my heart out to Him about it but if I ask for a specific outcome of my prayer, it would be like me telling a Michelangelo how to create a chalk drawing on my concrete driveway.  I don't want to limit God to answering my prayers in ways that I might think would be a great outcome. He may be planning to turn my life upside down in ways I never even dreamed could result in the outcome He has in mind.

When a person finally reaches the maturity to embrace the fact the God knows what He is doing and we don't have a clue....prayers change as does our faith.  Being submissive to God and letting Him direct my life isn't a burden....it is a blessing.  After all He knows what He's doing and I don't have a clue.  Yes, I know what He wants me to do in living my life as a Christian because He has left those directions for me in the Bible.  Sometimes I get it right and more often than not I mess up and as I do, God is there to catch me, dust me off and set me on my path again.  It is so comforting to know that I can put my life (every aspect of it) into God's hands and He will lead me home.

Do You Have What It Takes?

Kevin and Lynda many years ago...1981.   Oh how time slips through our fingers.  Kevin completed a degree from Ole Miss in recreational therapy and worked at NMRC for about 8 years where Lynda lived.  He married the love of his life, Nicole and they have a son, Mason who turned nine today and Graysen who turned five December 2nd.  He has worked at Parkwood Hospital for about five and a half years as a rec therapist.

Beginning Monday, Kevin will begin nursing school!  He'll work week-ends at Parkwood.  It's a two year program that he's going to be working on full-time.  Nicole is finishing up her Masters Degree in Accounting and preparing for the CPA exam.  I am so proud of them both and pray for strength and energy for them both.

Kevin was a blessing to me the night that we went to hospice with Lynda.  He knew all of the right questions to ask and I could tell that he already felt comfortable in the hospital setting, having spent a good bit of time taking care of his Dad a year ago.

It takes a real man to be a good husband and a good daddy.  Kevin is both.  It takes a real man to work with individuals with cognitive impairments and other disabilities at NMRC and to do so in a way that fosters the client's self-esteem and promotes dignity.  Kevin was excellent in his relationships with the clients he worked with at NMRC.  It takes a real man to work with the Parkwood Hospital clients who have many issues that most of us have never heard of.  To be compassionate and stay the course in a profession that many wash out of quickly takes a real man.  I could say the same thing for a real woman.  I'm certainly not trying to be sexist.  My definition of the term "real man" or "real woman" is that that are committed to what they say they'll do.  They are reliable and they show up for the responsibilities that they've accepted.

Kevin will be a wonderful, caring nurse.  How do I know this when he hasn't even begun his first nursing class?  Because I've seen him with his Dad in the hospital as Larry was a few days from going home to heaven.  Because I watched him as he grew up with a disabled sister and stood by her bed as she was dying.  How do I know?  Kevin puts every ounce of energy he has in to anything he sets his mind to do and this will be no different.  I take that back, this will be different because there are many people who have influenced his decision to make nursing his new career with all of the stress and hard work that comes with nursing school, being a Dad, supporting Nicole to complete her dream and juggling the financial challenges that come with this decision.

How do I know that Kevin will be outstanding in the field of nursing?  I know this because God has called him and when God calls us to do something, He provides us with what we need to finish the task.  It is exciting to think about how many lives Kevin will touch in a positive way as a male nurse.  There is such a need to have both female and male nurses as our population continues to age.

I think Kevin will always take Lynda's spirit with him as a nurse.  What a blessing he will be to the families of kids with autism or other cognitive impairments that make hospitals an especially scary or difficult place to be because the regular routines are broken.

I thank God for Lynda being safe and perfect in heaven.  I also thank God for Kevin and his servant heart who wants to minister to those who are sick or injured.  Of course, this wouldn't be possible without the support of his wonderful wife Nicole who is cheering him on while she juggles classes, exams and two children. 

Today's Thought

I woke up this morning and thought about Lynda.  This song flooded my mind....and the part "whatever my lot thou has taught me to say....it is well, it is well with my soul"---Thank you Lord for the comfort of your promises for Lynda and for her mother.  This is a peace that is beyond description.  It has led me to a place in my life that I want to reconcile my earthly relationships and be still and know that You are God.  I need to clear out all of the static so your voice is the only one I hear. 

Lynda has taught me so many things and continues to influence my life even after she has gone to be with Jesus.

Where My Heart Is....

This is so true.  I've never really thought about it but this is a pretty good test of what is important in our lives.

My mind always comes back to Lynda.  I am able to go longer periods of time without thinking about her now after five months.  That is no way means that I'm not reminded of her more times than I can count.  My heart has been with Lynda since the first day I met her in 1975.

It will be with her until the day we meet again in heaven. 

I am thankful to God for placing Lynda on my heart and in my life. 

I think a lot about Lynda and what she is doing in heaven.  I know she is blissfully perfect in every way. 

This mother still misses her child. 

Five Months And A Different Year...

When Lynda left this earth for heaven, I first counted it in hours, then by days, later by months.  Now as we enter 2014, it becomes last year when she died.  It somehow makes it seem even longer ago that I saw her when it becomes 2014.

Each year brings challenges and triumphs.  For me, the past five months have been filled with both.  I never dreamed that I would have to say good-bye to Lynda or all of the emotions that would flood my mind and heart. 

I wasn't prepared for how my faith would be deepened and my love for God would overflow when I realized that Lynda's death had actually been her new birth.  I thought I loved Jesus before Lynda died but I found a new dimension to that love when it became so personal for me as a mother.  To know that Lynda would live eternally in heaven with God because He gave His son as the sacrifice for her (and the rest of us) put a different perspective on my faith.  It deepened my faith and my joy far outweighed my sorrow. 

I miss Lynda and her sweet pats on my back as we walked together.  It's hard to bury your child even if you know she's heaven bound.  There is a part of your heart that goes along with your child that will never be returned until you are reunited in heaven.  There is also the total peace that comes with knowing that she is safe and happy with her creator who loves her more than even I can imagine. 

I can look at 2013 as the year that took Lynda from me or I can choose to celebrate it as the year Lynda entered paradise and the best is yet to come.  My faith in God's promises allows me to stand at her grave and grieve my earthly loss as I celebrate her victory over death. 

Five months on earth can seem like an eternity.  In heaven five months is but a blink of the eye.  I wonder each day what Lynda is doing in heaven and while I have no answers to my question I do know that it is beyond my imagination to grasp the concept anyway.  Knowing that she is in the presence of the Trinity in a place prepared for her where she is a new creation....well, it literally doesn't get any better!

2014 brings new excitement for me.  God has always used Lynda to change lives and the end of 2013 brought a personal gift of family reconciliation.  God leaned down and hugged my soul with a gift that only He could provide.  I praise Him for all of His gifts He so freely gives.

Earth is not my home but while I am here I want to make a difference.  I want to live my life to honor God and to show gratitude for the gift of salvation.  Happy New Year and may 2014 be filled with opportunities to serve a risen Savior!