My Prayer for 2014 Summed Up in Four Words

I am praying with more fervor than ever before.  I want to be directly in the middle of His will.  Exactly where He wants me to be and when He wants me there.  I want to spend more time in silence and do more listening to Him speak to me. I want to rest in His love.

I pray for his direction in my relationships with my family and I praise Him for the relationships He  restored as 2013 came to an end.  The more I learn about God, the more I want to know.

I am praying that God will help me in 2014 to simplify my life and find more peace by letting Him prioritize my days. 

Looking forward to 2014 with great anticipation.

Opportunity and New Year's Day

There's something about beginning a new year with endless possibilities and opportunities.  The new year provides us another chance to write a new chapter in our life story and to learn from the previous year's successes and failures.  Whether you make New Year's Resolutions or not you probably have some mental notes you've made during the previous year to do something differently--- to learn a new skill or maybe to eliminate a habit or two.  The end of the year brings closure and a new beginning.  A logical place to start again.

Interestingly that is what God gives us every day, not just the beginning of a new year.  He gives us second chances and do overs at any point in our life that we ask Him.  He forgives our sins on any day of the year.  He cheers us on when we are trying to achieve new goals and break old habits.  He leans close to us when we go to Him in prayer....any minute of any day of the year!  God isn't waiting on us to "get it all right" before we give our hearts to Him.  If that were true there would be no point in even trying because we cannot get anything right without Jesus.

I love the beginning of a new year because it is exciting to think about what God has planned for me in the coming year.  Rather than worry about what might happen in 2014 that could turn my life upside, I know that wherever I am to go, God has gone before me.  There is absolutely no place I can go that He isn't already there.

I choose to look at 2014 as a glass completely full and brimming over with challenges, blessings and surprises.  Only God knows the outcomes and the victories.  I wish for you and your family a year filled with love and contentment.  Opportunities to help others as well and someone there to help you when you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to your good news.  If you have not already made Christ your savior I pray that is the first thing you do for 2014.  It's the best decision you can ever make for 2014 and eternity to follow.

Happy New Year Lynda.  I know your time in heaven has been but a blink of your eye.  You are loved and missed.

I Know That Was You Lord!

I love this picture!  I feel just like this little guy so many times a day.  God is interested in every aspect of our lives....big and small.  There are so many times that things happen in my life that I know without a doubt it was God.  On so many occasions I have looked and looked for something I put in a safe place where I'd know where it was....only later to be clueless.  I've said to God many times, "you know if I'm going to find it, you're going to have to show me where to look" and then I'd move on to something else.  More times than not I would be led to look in a place I hadn't thought of or when doing something totally unrelated I'd find the object I was looking for.  There was no doubt that God was working and it is often in these seemingly insignificant prayer requests that I stood so amazed and so thankful that my heavenly Father was a caring and loving Daddy who was interested in the small details of my day.

Many people chalk things up to coincidence and miss the many ways God works in their lives.  It always irritates me when I hear someone ask for prayers for an illness and later hear that the condition is no longer present.  Many times the explanation is that the doctors say they made a mistake in the original diagnosis or some other explanation of why the person's condition has improved.

God is busy performing miracles all around us....He is answering prayers.  He is providing for us before we even ask. 

I have seen it so many times during Lynda's life.  These acts of God are like being hugged by God.  You've got to recognize God working to be able to appreciate His total absorption in our lives.  Start 2014 off looking for God's love notes as He works in your life.  It will warm your heart to realize that God cares so much.

We Thank You 6000 Times...

From our family to yours we wish for you a wonderful new year with lots of love and opportunities to express your love for others.  Thank you for supporting us during 2013 with Lynda's blog.  We praise God for what He already has planned for 2014!

Grateful Eyes...

Regardless of how many ways life may have disappointed me in these sixty-one years on this earth, there is no way that anything can take away my joy in being a child of God.  The daughter of the King....joint-heirs with Christ.  Because of this gift of grace and the promise of eternal life in heaven how can I be anything but grateful?

When I stand at Lynda's grave and know without a doubt that she is not there but rather alive in heaven....this mother's heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for Jesus who made eternal life possible for her.  I will always miss her until I see her again but the sadness was quickly replaced with gratitude that she is now perfect in every way and in the presence of the Trinity forever.

Life is a series of choices.  What happens to us is often outside of our control but how we look at life and decide to react as a result of it is very much within our power to control.  In spite of the hardships and tragedies that occur as part of living on this earth we as Christians know this earth is not our home.

Just like the saying about the glass being half full or half empty, it's all in the eye of the beholder.  Even in the loss of my sweet Lynda and the days that I find it hard to put one foot in front of the other...I choose to look at the world with gratitude.  If I were to count my blessings, I would never be able to name them all.

God is good all of the time.

Lynda's Orange Peanuts

For as long as I can remember, I've bought Lynda orange peanut candy for Christmas.  Other times of the year too but definitely a stocking stuffer.  There were so many things she couldn't eat because of her lactose intolerance but these little candies were mostly sugar and she loved that!

I went to Wal-Mart to buy some of the orange slice candies for mother to use in her fruitcake and I knew before I went that the orange slices always hung next to the orange peanut candy.  I planned to just grab the candy for mother and be out the door.  When I saw the peanut candy hanging there memories flooded my mind and my heart.  Good memories of us sitting at the table and me breaking the candies in half so she didn't get choked since she ate with gusto and it didn't always include chewing.  She would say "Unh"when I wasn't making them available as quickly as she thought I should.  It was just fun to see her enjoy her Christmas candy even if it in no way resembled anything on the Christmas candy aisles.

I felt the tears ready to well up in my eyes when I thought to myself...Lynda doesn't need orange peanut candies this year.  She's in heaven where she can have anything she desires because she has no food intolerances and I'm guessing God has quite a candy store in heaven.  There are things that will always remind me of Lynda.  Some make me smile and some bring a few tears.  The best part is that no matter what I think about that she enjoyed here on earth...I think of heaven and know that she is with the creator of the universe and lacks for nothing.

I am so blessed to know that Lynda's life didn't end at the grave, that heaven is a real place and that we serve a living God.

Merry Christmas, Lynda....

 We went by to leave Lynda's little snowman angel that has been in her room at NMRC for many, many Christmas holidays.  He's going to sit here reminding everyone that Lynda is with the angels today!  Yes, I still cried when I left him sitting beside her headstone but those tears were for me.  There is no place I'd rather she were today than in heaven.  Merry Christmas Lynda.  Nana loves you.  Tell all of our family and friends that we'll be there soon.  Hug Jesus for me.

The Perfect Christmas Gift

Merry Christmas to everyone.  We are celebrating the birth of Jesus today and the fact that because of His birth and death mankind has hope for eternal life in heaven with God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Our precious Lynda is in heaven on this Christmas day and we celebrate that the grave was not the end but the beginning of a perfect existence for her in heaven for eternity.

God sent Jesus to save the world and that includes you.  If you have not accepted the gift of salvation or do not know how to open the greatest gift ever given... please prayerfully read the plan of salvation below.  If you have accepted Christ you have everything.  If you haven't yet accepted the gift that God sent from heaven to save you, I pray that your heart will welcome Him.

How to Become A Christian
You're not here by accident. God loves you. He wants you to have a personal relationship with Him through Jesus, His Son. There is just one thing that separates you from God. That one thing is sin.
The Bible describes sin in many ways. Most simply, sin is our failure to measure up to God’s holiness and His righteous standards. We sin by things we do, choices we make, attitudes we show, and thoughts we entertain. We also sin when we fail to do right things. The Bible affirms our own experience – “there is none righteous, not even one.” No matter how good we try to be, none of us does right things all the time.
People tend to divide themselves into groups - good people and bad people. But God says that every person who has ever lived is a sinner, and that any sin separates us from God. No matter how we might classify ourselves, this includes you and me. We are all sinners.
"For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Many people are confused about the way to God. Some think they will be punished or rewarded according to how good they are. Some think they should make things right in their lives before they try to come to God. Others find it hard to understand how Jesus could love them when other people don't seem to. But I have great news for you! God DOES love you! More than you can ever imagine! And there's nothing you can do to make Him stop! Yes, our sins demand punishment - the punishment of death and separation from God. But, because of His great love, God sent His only Son Jesus to die for our sins.

"God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

For you to come to God you have to get rid of your sin problem. But, in our own strength, not one of us can do this! You can't make yourself right with God by being a better person. Only God can rescue us from our sins. He is willing to do this not because of anything you can offer Him, but JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU!

"He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy." Titus 3:5

It's God's grace that allows you to come to Him - not your efforts to "clean up your life" or work your way to Heaven. You can't earn it. It's a free gift.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

For you to come to God, the penalty for your sin must be paid. God's gift to you is His son, Jesus, who paid the debt for you when He died on the Cross.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23

Jesus paid the price for your sin and mine by giving His life on a cross at a place called Calvary, just outside of the city walls of Jerusalem in ancient Israel. God brought Jesus back from the dead. He provided the way for you to have a personal relationship with Him through Jesus. When we realize how deeply our sin grieves the heart of God and how desperately we need a Savior, we are ready to receive God's offer of salvation. To admit we are sinners means turning away from our sin and selfishness and turning to follow Jesus. The Bible word for this is "repentance" - to change our thinking about how grievous sin is, so our thinking is in line with God's.

All that's left for you to do is to accept the gift that Jesus is holding out for you right now.
"If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Romans 10:9-10

God says that if you believe in His son, Jesus, you can live forever with Him in glory.

"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16
Are you ready to accept the gift of eternal life that Jesus is offering you right now? Let's review what this commitment involves:

I acknowledge I am a sinner in need of a Savior - this is to repent or turn away from sin

I believe in my heart that God raised Jesus from the dead - this is to trust that Jesus paid the full penalty for my sins

I confess Jesus as my Lord and my God - this is to surrender control of my life to Jesus

I receive Jesus as my Savior forever - this is to accept that God has done for me and in me what He promised

If it is your sincere desire to receive Jesus into your heart as your personal Lord and Savior, then talk to God from your heart:
Here's a Suggested Prayer:

"Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner and I do not deserve eternal life. But, I believe You died and rose from the grave to make me a new creation and to prepare me to dwell in your presence forever. Jesus, come into my life, take control of my life, forgive my sins and save me. I am now placing my trust in You alone for my salvation and I accept your free gift of eternal life."

Now find a church to share your decision where you can continue to learn and grow and be part of God's family. 


We can be happy today knowing Lynda is safely in the arms of Jesus.  Have a wonderful day knowing how much you are loved. 

Christmas Eve ---Candlelight in the Darkness

We celebrated tonight with Russ's son Kelly and his wife Brenda and our grands---Meghan and Morgan at their church's Christmas Eve Candlelight Service.  It was a beautiful way to spend Christmas Eve to honor Jesus who is the light in this very dark world. 

We went by Lynda's grave before going to the candlelight service.  It is the most incredible feeling to stand beside her grave and know that she is not there because she is in heaven where all of the action is!  While we are celebrating the birth of Jesus here on earth---Lynda is in the arms of Jesus in heaven.  We thank God for sending Jesus to save us from our sins.  Lynda stands in the very presence of Jesus and worships the risen King.  She is not in the grave that I visit and I know this is true because God promises this to those whom Jesus has redeemed.  Last night and tonight we spent time with Kelly, Brenda, Meghan and Morgan.Tomorrow we will spend time with Lynda's brother Kevin, his wife Nicole and our grands---Mason and Graysen.  On Saturday we will celebrate with Kristen and Kent and the grands---Kaden and Karson.  We'll skype with Kristopher in Denver while we're at Grandmother Anderson's with Kevin and Nicole.  We will spend time with family but this year it won't include Lynda because she is spending Christmas with her Heavenly Father, her Daddy, her Granddaddy Anderson, her Granny and Granddaddy Smith and a baby brother or sister.  Our family celebration this year includes praises that Lynda is not left out of Christmas this year but rather that she has received the most incredible gift ever...eternal life with Jesus.

As we lit our candles tonight we thanked God for Jesus and we thanked God that Lynda is with Jesus. 

Shall I Play My Drums For You?

This video takes my breath away.  It is both the way it is filmed and the amazing a capella rendition of an old Christmas carol. Click at the bottom right corner to make a full screen view to experience the beautiful panoramic views as you listen to this group perform The Little Drummer Boy.

 Lynda loved music and I know heaven is filled with praise as everyone sings with the angel choirs in worship to our Savior.  I try to imagine what Lynda's sweet voice will sound like as she sings praises to Jesus. 

There's no way for our human minds to completely understand the extent of God's love for us.  I praise God for preparing a place for us in heaven and especially for making a forever home for Lynda.

Kevin, Lynda and Kristopher...

I love this picture of the three kids together because it's such a typical snapshot of our life.  Lynda is smiling perfectly and Kristopher is looking at the two of them instead of me with the camera.  If you look closely at the picture as I did you will notice Kevin's hands.  His hands are in a clapping position.  We had no doubt sung Happy Birthday to Lynda to get her attention and for her to smile.  Kristopher was turned looking at Lynda because he was just finishing the song.

The picture is perfect to me because it demonstrates Christmas with Lynda and the boys.  To both Kevin and Kristopher, Lynda was just their sister and an integral part of the family.  It wasn't unusual at all for them to sing Happy Birthday to Lynda in December even though her birthday was in September.  It was her favorite song and it made her happy.  They knew that she would have very little interest in what was inside the gift boxes but she would be happy playing with the paper, boxes or bows.  She would sit on the floor and look at the lights on the Christmas tree and later walk into the kitchen to her place at the table for coke and miniature marshmallows.  The boys would eventually go back to their rooms and do their thing.  We would take Lynda riding to look at the lights around Oxford and then take her back to NMRC dressed in her pajamas and ready for bed.

These are the pictures that capture moments of the story of my family throughout the years.  They illustrate some of the memories that are permanently recorded in my heart.  These pictures allow me to hold a reminder of a memory that lives in my heart and to share it with you.   

Angels We Have Heard On High

This is an amazing video taking technology, music and creativity to a new level.  It is incredible  and beautiful.  Can you even begin to imagine what God has designed for us in heaven?  Can you even fathom what the angels on high will really sound like?

Enjoy this beautiful song while you remember those you love who are celebrating Christmas in heaven with the most spectacular extravaganza of all!  Merry First Christmas in Heaven, Lynda.

Christmas Memories With Pictures...

I have several years of Christmas pictures with only Lynda.  There are several years of pictures of Lynda and Kevin and then Lynda, Kevin, and Kristopher.  Finally pictures of Lynda, Kevin, Kristopher, Kelly and Kristen.  Never a year without Lynda...until now.  I have rich and vivid memories though of taking her to see Santa Claus in the malls. I always went to talk with Santa before I took her up to his chair.  The Santa in Florence, Alabama had tears in his eyes when he held Lynda in his lap.  I was touched.  These are just some of the Christmas memories captured on film.  There are literally more than I could count in my heart.

Christmas was no different to Lynda than any other day when she was little.  She didn't understand about Santa bringing gifts or that the real reason for Christmas was because a baby was born in Bethlehem.  She wasn't thrilled that there were so many Kodak moments and being away from her home environment was very difficult for her.  It meant that someone had to hold her to keep the tree decorated and upright at Grandmother Anderson's and it meant that she often went for long periods of time without sleeping.  We were all exhausted in spite of the moments that melted our hearts.  Holidays for children with autism and other special needs are not always the Christmas Card holiday that typical families experience.  Sure all kids get wound up thinking about Santa coming and wanting to open the presents under the tree.  They get a little hyper with all of the candy they consume but children with autism at Christmas would make typical kids look like they're in slow motion.

These are the memories that are intertwined with my Christmas memories with Lynda because my parents loved Lynda more than a perfect holiday.  They understood that after a few years with Lynda and her trusty side-kick, Kevin it was a labor of love to bring them to Booneville for Christmas without Lynda's special room.  So for many years until the kids were grown they spent Christmas Eve night with us and the kids opened their gifts from Santa in Oxford.  My memories of Lynda's Christmas holidays include the sacrifices my parents made to allow Lynda to have the best environment possible to enjoy Christmas in her own way.

And that was the key to Christmas with Lynda.  Her Christmas fun had to be designed around her interests and her special needs.  In doing that we had lots of those Kodak moments and she melted our hearts with her hugs and squeals of delight when we guessed right about something we thought she might enjoy.  I miss those days when my kids were little.  Kevin has grown up and has a wife and two children of his own.  Kristopher lives in Denver and we'll skype with him Christmas morning.  Kelly and Kristen are married and each have two children.  And this Christmas, Lynda is in Paradise where everything is perfect, including her.

I am blessed beyond measure with warm memories of Christmases past as well as the opportunity to continue to layer more Christmas memories over those begun with Lynda's first Christmas with us in 1975.  Now there are six grandchildren and our grown children are creating warm traditions for them and in my memories...there will always be Christmases with Lynda that I carry in my heart.

Here With Me

As I posted this sentiment I thought about what it means.  If Lynda was with me she would not be in heaven so that would be a selfish wish.  She is in the presence of God and enjoying life in ways that we cannot even imagine.  Oh, how I miss her and wish I could hold her and watch her play with her favorite toys. 

I guess what I would write is I don't need presents.  It is enough to know that Lynda is in the presence of our precious Jesus and that she is having her best Christmas ever!  I can handle missing her knowing that she is celebrating with the angels.  She is hearing the story of how God sent Jesus to save us.  She is talking to Jesus face to face and learning about the first Christmas ever.  Have a wonderful, wonderful Christmas, Lynda.  Nana can't wait to see you again but I'm so happy for you!  Tell Granddaddy Anderson I said hello and hug Jesus for me.

Mary Did You Know?

This is one of my favorite contemporary Christmas songs.  It has become even more nostalgic to me this year after losing Lynda this summer.  I've thought often about how Mary must have grieved and suffered as she stood and watched her son die on the cross.  Even if she understood that He had risen from the dead and was living in heaven, her mother's heart must have still ached for the baby she held in her arms only a few short years before.

And then I think of our Heavenly Father who knew the whole plan from start to finish and who loved Jesus more than we can imagine.  I admit the Trinity still ties my brain in knots to wrap my mind around God the Father sending God the Son to earth to be born of a virgin and to die on a cross for me.

While I always had empathy for Mary and Joseph and our Heavenly Father who watched as their child die, I have to say having actually lost a child to death brings a new dimension of compassion for the parents of Jesus...both earthly and heavenly.  It also has kept me on my knees throughout this Christmas season thanking God in a way I've never prayed before.  I loved my Daddy and I cannot wait to see him again in heaven but the loss of a child is even more painful than I had ever imagined.  I am so thankful that Jesus guarantees me that I will see Lynda again and that she is perfect and happy and loved.  How would a parent keep from losing his or her mind if he believed that the grave was the end?  Thankfully, Jesus has provided the sacrifice that turns death into a new beginning.  For Lynda...she is now a new creature and capable of so many things she could never do during her forty-one years on earth.

When Mary touched her baby's face I wonder if she realized completely that she was touching the face of God?  As I touched my baby's face as she was leaving for heaven, I knew that she was about to see the face of God!

Oh, what a wonderful God we serve!  Oh, how He loves you and me.

What a Strange Way to Save the World

Our nativity scenes that we display in our homes or in our yards are nice and neat.  The shepherds are standing by their sheep and the wise men are already there.  I think most of us imagine it as the plays we've seen reenacted in our churches.  All of the costumes are made of brand new material and every one is squeaky clean.  The animals don't smell.  The stable doesn't smell.  It is quite a picture but the reality of the birth of Jesus was not played out in the comfort of a church.

Jesus was born in a real stable and laid into a trough that animals ate from as his manger or bed.  I'm sure the stable smelled like the animals that lived there and the shepherds most likely didn't run home to shower before following the star to the destination to welcome the newborn king.

We wash all of our baby clothes before we even put them on the newborn and we are not likely to take babies out to the barn to meet the animals for quite some time, even if we do live on a farm.  We watched the rituals of the birth of the new prince in England and marveled at the pomp and circumstance that accompanied the birth of a royal.  Contrast the birth of the new future heir to the throne of England with the birth of Jesus.  Jesus was a king born in a stable.  He was not just a king but THE King of kings.  Jesus had birth circumstances about as opposite as could be for a royal yet His Father created the universe. 

Could the one who created the universe not have chosen a more appropriate way to present the one who would save the world?  Shouldn't there have been as much pomp and circumstance as the heir to a country on earth for the one who created the universe and everything in it?  Why, oh why was Jesus born in such lowly and dirty surroundings?  As the song says "What a strange way to save the world".
We wouldn't have done it this way.  Neither would the people who lived during the time of Jesus and were expecting the birth of a king.
 
God had the birth planned before creation.  Before Adam and Eve sinned.  It wasn't plan B after humans slipped and fell head first into sin.  Our creator knew we would require a perfect sacrifice for our sins and He knew that Jesus would be the only perfect sacrifice possible.  I used to wonder if God created the universe, why could He not come up with another way to save the world without Jesus having to die on the cross?  Through the years I've come to understand the depth of love He had for us and the fact that Jesus was the only perfect sacrifice above an animal sacrifice.  Still, the older I get the harder it is to read the story of the birth of Jesus without tears in my eyes.  When I really understand the extent God loves me...it humbles me and I am more astounded each Christmas.

Such a strange way to save the world.  How wonderful that we are joint-heirs with Christ.

Granddaddy's Lights for Lynda's Tree

It all started when we moved into our new house in Oxford after Lynda had the stroke.  We built her window to be at her height to look out and the window sill to be wide enough for her to put her toys while she stood and played.  We built a big concrete square right outside her window so we could look in at her from outside (even if it was muddy) if we wanted a bigger view than the peep hole in her door.

We decided that directly outside Lynda's window we would put a big tree with lights for her to enjoy during the Christmas season.  Granddaddy Anderson decided that she needed the big outdoor multi-colored string of lights and he got her several strands.  Her tree was beautiful and something we did every year.

After Lynda had the stroke she wasn't able to stand and play for a long time.  She lay on the floor with her blankets and mattress instead.  We decided to string the regular size multi-colored old time bulbs around her ceiling.  If she couldn't stand up to see her tree outside.  We would bring the lights inside and she spent a lot of time looking at the lights of various colors around her ceiling.  We didn't take them down after Christmas.  We didn't even take them down after Lynda was able to stand again and play at the window.  They stayed a permanent part of her room until she went to NMRC.

Lynda loved to ride around the square at night when the Christmas lights were up.  We spent many hours riding around the neighborhoods looking at light displays especially on Christmas Eve night.  I imagine heaven is bright with beautiful colors and twinkling precious stones.  I bet Lynda and Granddaddy Anderson are checking out all of the beautiful light shows on earth from heaven as well as heaven's glorious creations.  Every day just has to keep getting better and better.

You both are loved and missed but I think you know that.   Merry Christmas.  Hug Jesus for me.

Peace and Hope

Rest Your Mind....

This is so applicable to those of us grieving.  Our minds race with thoughts day and night....there's just a lot to think about when you lose a loved one.  At first, I think we relive ever moment that we can and that includes the good and the bad.  We have to make initial funeral plans and on it goes.

We want to sleep to just have a break from our "thinking" but often it doesn't come except in small snatches.  I've learned that I have to practice resting my mind for five or ten minutes.  It does calm the heart, even if it's only temporary.

The one thing I am sure of is that you cannot calm your heart UNLESS you rest your mind.  Praying is a great way to rest your mind while God calms your heart.

Life Changes Us

Actually I think everything that happens to us changes us and molds us into the person that we become.  The good things and the bad things.  There are events in life though that are so important that when we walk through those experiences we are never the same again.

For me, adopting Lynda was THE thing that changed me.  Parenting a child with critical medical issues and being on the autism spectrum was difficult.  The laws were just being written to include these children in public education and many doctors still believed that somehow children with autism didn't feel pain.  Every day changed me.  I became an advocate for people with special needs and truly began to look at the world through the eyes of a child with disabilities.

You cannot go back to the person you were after your child is physically abused.  You cannot go back to the person you were when your child has a stroke and all memories are wiped away.  You will never go back to the person you were when you hold your child in your arms as she takes her last breath on this earth or you visit a grave that is marked with her name.

The same is true of the flip side of the coin.  I was never the same after that sweet little blond dart walked (no jumped) into my life.  I was never the same after she looked up at me and said "Nana".  I was never the same after I watched her swing for the first time by herself after she had worked for months to do it.  I was never the same after I became Lynda's mother because I learned to appreciate every minute of every day and celebrate the tiny accomplishments as if they were Nobel Prize moments.  She added another dimension to the word love.  She showed me what total dependence was and how blessed I was that God had chosen me to be Lynda's second mother.

There have been many things that I've gone through that have changed me and I will never be the same.  I'm still finding the person that I've become after Lynda died.  Some days I'm stronger.  Some days not.  This I do know.  If I had it to do again, I would gladly go through the things that have changed me.  God took me there and He doesn't want me to be the person I was before.  It's all a part of the Master's plan.

Lynda's Angels

Heaven was a new experience for Lynda but I don't believe seeing angels was new.  I truly believe she not only had angels watching over her while she was on earth but I feel that she was able to see them and they were able to communicate with her.  I have no way of knowing this for sure until I get to heaven and can ask but there are many things throughout the years that have led me to think this is true.

Regardless, she is now able to see her angels up close and personal and call them by name.  I'm sure angels are beautiful and although we visualize them as female I don't know that the Bible has ever spoken of any angels except those who were male.  So many surprises when we finally get home.  So many questions answered.  Angels are not to be worshiped.  They are simply messengers of God and the Bible says they are made lower than humans, so we don't become angels when we get to heaven. They are a backdrop of heaven's glorious on-going worship of our King.

I always envisioned Lynda's angels as playmates of a sort for her.  Since she wasn't able to communicate with people for thirty years I think God used His angels to comfort her and communicate to her how much she was loved.  I prayed for this and I believe God answered this mother's prayers.

If I had created an angel for Lynda it would have been beautifully multicolored like this one.  God's creations will be more glorious than this human mind can imagine.

Oh Come Let Us Adore Him

Luke 2:8-20
Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid.  Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.  For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”

No matter how many times I read this story and view representations of the manger scene, it takes my breath away to imagine Jesus leaving heaven and coming to earth to be born in such lowly conditions for the sins of the world.  I am amazed at Mary's and Joseph's faith and courage as they held the baby that was the son of God.  I hope we haven't heard the story so many times that it becomes ordinary and routine.  It is and always will be one of the two most wonderful and amazing stories in the Bible.  This one we celebrate as Christmas and the other we call Easter when Christ offered up his life as a perfect sacrifice for our sins.

I can celebrate this Christmas knowing that Lynda is with Jesus.  She was reborn with death into a perfect creation in a perfect world because this little baby left heaven and walked among humans.  It is not the way we would have expected a savior to be born but our Father had every single detail worked out before the world was created. 

Oh, Come Let Us Adore Him!

Let It Snow

My little snowbird.  She still had on her fuzzy footie pajamas.  I just bundled her up in her red fur coat and we went out to check out the snow.  I was giving her snow and she was pretty excited about it.  Lynda loved ice cubes and she was mesmerized by the snow.  Oh, those were fun times.

When it snowed, we put bird seed on the outside window ledges of Lynda's room.  She loved to watch the birds.  Again, the things that children with autism find interesting and entertaining are not usually things that come in toy boxes.  I cannot tell you how many times I went outside in the snow to put more birdseed out for Lynda's entertainment.

Such simple pleasures.  Such precious memories.  Miss my little snowbird. 

Miss These Two At Christmas...

This is a picture of Larry and Lynda when Larry received his Doctorate in Music Theory in 1978.  Lynda was seven years old.  The color for the school of music is pink so Lynda posed with him in her pink dress.  LOL

If you didn't know Larry you missed a glorious voice and a great friend.  He loved Lynda with every fiber of his soul.  I can just imagine the reunion in heaven when he saw Lynda.  Larry had a big tenor voice that often sang over orchestras without a microphone.  I'm confident that he is able to sing over the angel choirs with no amplification as well. 

This is a song from a graduate recital in 1972.  I regret that we don't have a recording of him singing Oh Holy Night.   If you listen very closely on a quiet winter night you may just hear it as he's singing it to his mother in heaven.  It was her favorite Christmas song, too.  I suspect there will be a little girl clapping right along as he sings.  Or, she may have a beautiful singing voice now, too.  Maybe we all will sing on the caliber with Larry in heaven!

Finally Found Lynda's Christmas Lantern

We found a solar powered lantern for the final hook on the pole with the angel wings.  It has been hard to find one that wasn't oriental looking instead of one like this that's more traditional.  The grass is still growing and growing.  Everything all around the new grass we planted is brown.  Her grass looks like part of the Christmas decorations.  If it doesn't snow soon so I can make a snow angel for Lynda, I'm going to take my allergy pill and make an angel in the grass.  So if you hear about some crazy women at the cemetery laying on a grave...it will me making a grass angel on the soft green grass that Lynda would have loved to sit in the middle of and  pull out one blade at a time.  The bright green grass makes me smile.  It makes me happy to see the grass growing like a beautiful blanket every time I go to visit. 

Lynda's green grass is a testimony to how our God knows our heart and our needs no matter how trivial they may seem.  It was important to me to see grass growing over the red dirt.  Then when I expected it to be gone...it has continued to grow like a velvet blanket.  Sometimes it's the little things that push us over the edge and sometimes it's the little things...the small kindnesses or the unexpected pleasure of finding that even in temperatures like we're experiencing now, Lynda's grass is going to be green that help us keep going.

Thank You For Caring

Thank you for following Lynda's story with 5,000 views.  Our family appreciates your support and hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas holiday.  We celebrate this Christmas with the knowledge that Lynda is dancing with the angels as they worship the King of kings.

Who Says Kids With Autism Can't Communicate Without Words?

Lynda, like many children with autism had only a few words to make her wants and needs known.  Yet there was seldom a doubt about how she felt about most topics.

Having photographs taken was not on her list of "approved activities".  Or more than one picture shot as she was on the move qualified as an unapproved plan.  These were subject to any means of non-verbal communication that she felt necessary to get her point across.

It doesn't take any words for you to understand what she was saying in the picture below.  Translation:  I have posed for many more pictures than I feel was necessary and now I'm going to give you my best non-verbal communication tactic interpreted loosely---I'm tired of being dressed cute.  I'm tired of smiling.  I'm tired of wearing shoes and in general I am not having fun anymore so DO SOMETHING NOW!     Can you imagine how frustrating it must be to a child who has limited communication skills but knows exactly what she'd like to say?  Oh, and just for the record...this was the last picture we took that day.  A few minutes later she was dressed in jammies and playing with something that could be lined up nice and straight.

When I Find a Picture I Didn't Know I Had....It Is Truly a Gift!

I was looking through pictures and found this one that Larry took the day we took Lynda to Millcreek in September, 1981.

I was 29 and Lynda was 10.  Mother had made her jumpsuit and I had appliqued it to match a short one that Kevin had.  We had a family picture made with them both wearing them a week or so earlier.  It was a precious picture with Lynda draping her arm around her Daddy's neck (and of course covering up the applique)  LOL

I wasn't happy to be leaving Lynda for respite but I had researched, visited and left books and videos about Lynda and really felt we were leaving her much like parents leave children for sleep over camp.  It was temporary.  They were qualified (or so I thought).  You can tell by the smile and expression on my face that I thought things were going to be good.  I don't hide my feelings well and I would have been much less relaxed if I had had any reservations about the quality of the program at Millcreek.

Lynda was healthy.  She had a perfect little body and beautiful, think blond hair.  It was the hardest thing we had ever done to leave her there when she had only slept away from us one night at this point  and that was when Kevin was born.  The normalcy of our family is what haunts me today and I suppose always will to some extent.  We looked like a typical family in the pictures. We had no way of knowing that the difficulties we were facing (the exhaustion, the concern about Kevin) that led us to respite would pale in comparison to what our lives would be like for the coming years after Lynda's stroke.  I look now at the pictures and as I've said in earlier blogs I want to demand a "redo".  I want to scream at the players in the movie and tell them "Don't do it!"  But, of course I can't so I have to dig deeper into my memory of what brought us to this place and time in our lives.  I have to keep writing it in blogs so that eventually my mind will absorb it and process it.  My brain knows that it is satan that continues to bring these feelings of guilt and sadness out when I remember this fork in our life's journey.  My heart knows that we made the right decision for the information we had been given and that it should not have happened. 

 When I look at these pictures I am reminded of one of the most horrible times in our lives that I believe was engineered and masterminded by satan because I had such trust in God to take care of Lynda and that He would protect her from any harm.  There was a time that I questioned why God had allowed satan to wreck such havoc in our lives and at the expense of a child with multiple disabilities already.  I questioned where God was when Lynda needed him.  I came to realize that God was always there just as He was there when His son was nailed to the cross for my sins. 

I guess the greatest thing for me as Lynda's mother is knowing that satan can no longer harm Lynda.  She is in heaven and never again will I have to worry that she will experience satan's plans to kill, steal and destroy.  John 10:10  He has done all of these things and Lynda still emerged victorious and perfect in Christ.  It is beyond my comprehension how an angel could live in heaven with God and be stupid enough to think he could be greater than God himself.  Yet we know that is just what satan did. 

Rejoice in the Lord and again I say REJOICE!  We serve a Mighty God!  King of Kings.  Lord of Lords!  Not because of anything we have done but because of all that He has done for us!  

Life's Short...Heaven is Forever 1 John 2:16-17

 No matter how old we live to be...even if we make it to 100 + years, life is still short compared to heaven and the rest of eternity.  Why is it that we so often live as if we are going to be on earth forever and that eternity is so far away.  So far away that it in fact doesn't seem real and doesn't seem important.  When we are young we have every expectation that we will grow old here even though we know we have not been promised tomorrow or to even finish today for that matter.  As we continue to add years to our lives here on earth with those years usually come a deeper understanding of why we are here in the first place.  For most of us who are Christians we know that every day, every month, every year we live puts us that much closer to heaven.  I read today where someone wrote, "Everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die to get there".  Well, unless we're in the group that is raptured, we are all going to die and if we are saved we are all going to live forever. 

Billy Graham, of course didn't just travel through this world.  He made profound changes in the lives of those he met as he journeyed through this world.  It's not going to be long before his earthly journey is completed and he will get to go home.

Aren't you glad that life is short and heaven is forever instead of the other way around?  We may have a great life here on earth and we all have family and friends we would not want to leave but compared to heaven?  Well, there really isn't anything to compare to heaven. 

Life is short and heaven is forever.  Thank you Jesus for this promise.

The Magic of Christmas

This Christmas Lynda has received the ultimate gift and the words above have such a profound meaning.  She stood in front of our Christmas tree in 1981 with presents---clapping as she always did.

Today and every day forever to come she stands in His presence and I'm sure....claps!

We, too stand in His presence while we are still on earth because He is with us here as surely as He is with those who are in heaven.  For Lynda...she has seen the face of God.  His presence envelopes her in a way that we have yet to experience.  In a way we cannot really imagine.

Thank you Father for the precious gift you sent to earth to save us.  Thank you Father also for the precious gift you loaned us for a time and have received back to live with you in heaven. 

Pictures With Santa

Pictures with Santa every year when the kids were young was always a tradition in our family and one that was always similar to running a marathon.  The picture above was when Kevin was about 2 and Lynda was 10.  It's confusing because she had two or three Christmas dresses that year and I can't go by that.  I think it was the Christmas before Millcreek.

The bottom picture was taken at an Christmas dinner at Scott Center.  I'm not sure what year it was but it was the year after Kristopher refused to get closer than a football field to Santa.   Kris was 3, Kevin was 7 and Lynda was 15.

It's one of the last pictures that I have of all three of them together with Santa.  There comes a time that even bribery doesn't work.

This was always a fun family Christmas event because the ARC had the Christmas dinner for all of the families with kids with special needs.  For one night everyone could go to a Christmas event that we didn't have to worry about anyone being offended if one of our kids with special needs decided to take the ornaments off the tree or scream a blood curdling scream during the blessing.  It was a stress-free Christmas party where everyone there understood our kids and loved them unconditionally.  Siblings enjoyed the party, too.  It was just fun and relatively stress free.

I love the "Santa Pictures".  I have a bunch of them framed and hanging in my house during the holiday.  Two of me when I was little and one of Russ.  Pictures of Lynda with Santa before Kevin was born and then variations of Lynda and Kevin.  Then Lynda, Kevin, and Kristopher.  Some of Kristen and Kelly.  Pictures of our grandchildren with Santa, Mason and Graysen and Kaden when we were in Louisiana for Christmas.  I don't think we have any with Meg and Morgan or Karson.  Maybe this year.  We even have pictures of Russ and Me with Kristen and Kris and Santa when we were in North Pole, Alaska with NOBC building  a church. Oh, and pictures of Kirby and Kasidy with Santa at Petsmart.   It's just always been a tradition that I love.

Now I love to look back at the pictures.  Kristopher is now 30.  Kevin is 34 with two children--a five year old daughter and a son just about the age Kevin was in this picture.

And this Christmas Lynda is in heaven with Jesus.  Of course, I wish I had a picture.

No Other Words Are Necessary

There are days that this is all there is to say....I still just can't believe you're gone...

A Little Bit of Heaven

This is a sweet sentiment.  Since Lynda has been in heaven I feel a greater connection than ever before.  It's not only because I can't wait to get there to see her again but because it has only deepened my love for God.

You know when you have your first baby and the time comes for you to leave him or her?  There are lots of people who could take care of a baby but there's no one that you trust more than your Mother or your Daddy to know just what to do and to love you baby as much as you do.

That's how I feel about Lynda being in heaven with Jesus.  No one can take better care of her than Jesus can and no one (not even me) can love her more.  In the time between now and when I join Lynda in heaven I don't have a worry about her happiness.

As I've said before, having Lynda in heaven makes it even more like home.  Home is where the heart is and my heart is with Lynda.  Jesus made our future reunion possible on the cross so of course I cannot wait to fall on my knees and thank Him in person for loving and taking care of Lynda.

Heaven is so real to me and having Lynda there and her in my heart does make me feel that there's a little bit of heaven in our home.  I have been so surprised at the miracle that God has performed in my heart this Christmas season.  Expecting to be paralyzed with the sadness of Christmases past I have instead found the peace that passes understanding.  Christmas has taken on a new more personal meaning that I never imagined was possible after over fifty years of hearing the story of  the birth of a Savior.

I thank God that I can rejoice with Lynda as she worships Jesus this Christmas season. 

Visiting Hours in Heaven

I've heard many parents say that if they could have their child back on earth, they would do it in a minute.  I would love to have Lynda back but not as she was.  Even if God would allow me to turn back time and bring her back to her old life, how could I ever ask her to leave paradise to come back just so I could see her again?

Visiting hours in heaven.  Now that's an interesting thought.  Yes, I would love, love, love to see Lynda in heaven and talk with her but how would I ever leave?  Don't you imagine that a second in heaven would be enough for us to know that we are in the presence of God Almighty?  Of course it would.  But let's pretend that we could come and go between earth and heaven and there were visiting hours in heaven.  I'd be there every time the gates opened. 

One day though I'll be there and without visiting hours.  One day I'm going home.  I'm going home to see Lynda.  I don't know when but I know I've already spent 40 years with her and 30 years of those I could only wonder what she might want or need.  It's unlikely that it's going to be 40 more years (since I'm 61 years old).  So in the grand scale of things with an eternity ahead for Lynda and me, what's 30 or 40 more years on earth when heaven is the prize.  I know for Lynda time is no longer measured in years.

How long it will be until I see Lynda again is in God's hands.  It would be fine with me if He decided to rapture us right now.   God's timing is perfect.  I have His promise that He is with me here on earth as I will be with Him in heaven for the rest of eternity.  It is well with my soul and I thank God so much that especially this Christmas. 

Glory to God in the Highest

 Okay, so I haven't put up the first Christmas decoration in my house.  Nothing on the front door yet.  I'm not even sure if I can find my new snowman tray Russ gave me last year for Christmas.  I put it up after Christmas so it would be handy.  That never seems to work.

The day BEFORE Thanksgiving, we were at the cemetery taking down the fall oranges and yellows and putting up the Christmas flowers.  I still have one more thing I'm looking for to put on the last hook.  I want a old looking lantern that's solar powered.  I've seen them online but just haven't had a chance to stop long enough to order one.

 You have probably noticed that Lynda's grass is still green and plush.  It makes me want to lie down on it and make a snow angel without the snow.  When it went down in the 20's a couple of nights in a row after the stone was installed I told Russ we didn't have to cover it anymore.  I was okay with it dying now because it had a good root system to keep it from being muddy all winter.  We went back a few days later to see the dead grass and there it was.  Greener and taller and thicker than before.  I had to laugh.  Lynda always marched to the beat of a different drummer.  How appropriate that when all of the grass is brown and dead throughout the cemetery, the grass on her spot is green like a velvet blanket.  It's really beautiful.  We planted a combination of winter rye and something else.  Still we had no idea it would be this hardy.

My grandparents (mother's side) are buried to the right of Lynda and the stone with the flowers in the distance is the CARPENTER side of the monument.  On the other side of the monument, it says ANDERSON and my Daddy's headstone marker is a flat copper military one that's on the right of the picture between the two large monuments.

Christmas season is going to bring with it many memories of the past.  It already has but Christmas season approaching has also brought an excitement that I had not anticipated.  The more I see the reminders of the first Christmas with Mary and Joseph and Jesus in a manger.  The prophecy becoming a miraculous reality from the unlikely birth of a King all the way to him being nailed to a cross ... I cannot contain my emotions of thankfulness that Lynda is with the same God who loved us so much He sent Jesus to provide a way for us to be redeemed.

Lynda missed out on so much while here on earth through no fault of her own but now she has been reborn and in the company of the most important people ever created.  She's with the other joint heirs of Christ taking part in the most incredibly awesome celebration like none we have ever seen among earth's royalty or the rich and famous.  It defies description.  It's an invitation only party that can be attended if and only if escorted through the gates by Jesus Himself. 

Lynda who never was invited to a birthday party.  Wasn't ever able to attend a prom or become a bride is now enjoying the most glorious life known to man.  What mother wouldn't be proud and thrilled for her daughter even if it meant that she would have to be separated from her daughter for a long time?  That's what I think of now when I see the angel wings hanging with the word Rejoice that I placed at her grave.  I'm sad only because I'm not there for the celebration but I know it's going to be going on forever.

Changed....In The Blink Of An Eye!

Our Christmas in 1981 was bittersweet for us.  Lynda was home for the Christmas holidays and we had such a good time with her but she we took her back to Millcreek after the holidays in early January.  We were only expecting her to stay another few weeks.  When I think about why we didn't just keep her after the holidays it's like watching a movie that you've seen before and wanting to say to the actors in the scenes, "Oh, DON'T do that!  There's someone in your house.  Don't go in!" but you've seen the movie and you know she goes in and you know what happened next.

After Lynda died, I found myself looking at the pictures and the timelines and wishing with 20/20 hindsight that we had made another choice.  The script was already written.  The parts were already cast and the scenario for Lynda's future was changed for the next 30 years.  This is a picture of the last Christmas that my sweet streak of lightening had a perfect little body.

It is a strange coincidence that she had on the same plaid jumper in the picture that I made at Scott Center in February after the stroke.  At this point she was still paralyzed and needed support to sit up.  She couldn't walk and was extremely agitated and in pain most of the time.

This was actually a great improvement from where she was while in the hospital at LeBohneur.  She could no longer speak.  For 30 years Lynda lived a different life after the stroke but after a year she stopped crying in pain.  

When Lynda went to heaven on August 3rd, I know she no longer looks like the broken person that lay in the hospital room in ICU.  I don't know if she will look like the little girl pictured below or the adult Lynda she would have been.  It doesn't matter because the Bible assures me that I will recognize her and she will know me.   More quickly than you can move from picture number 2 to picture number 3---God can transform our broken bodies into a new creation. 

Praise God for redeeming us and for inviting us to live forever with Him in heaven.