God Knows Our Future....

I love this scripture for so many reasons.  First, God knows the plans He has for us because He knows our past and every detail of our future.  He spoke these words to Jeremiah and although it must have been exciting to know that God's plans were to prosper him and to not harm him, I think the most wonderful part of the promise is that God says He has plans to give him hope and a future.

God doesn't promise to prosper us although He often does.  We are blessed beyond measure and only through grace are we able to enjoy the many things God gives that we so often take for granted.  We always have hope when we put our lives into God's hands.  We already know our future because Jesus secured it for us.  All of the other is just fluff.

God blessed me with 39 years as Lynda's mother here on earth.  He has blessed me beyond what words can even express with eternal life and hope for the future to be with Lynda again.  He has prospered me.  I have everything I need and more.  He protects me from harm because I know that even if I lose my life here on earth, I have a new eternal body waiting for me.  This is my hope and this is my future.  Praise God for loving us enough to send His son to die for us.

Because of You....

When I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to take care of children.  Most little girls like to play with dolls but I think even by the time I was in the first grade, I wanted to not only take care of my baby dolls but I wanted to take all of the little girls in my first grade class that looked like they didn't have a mama.  I continued to think about the little girl with the dirty face or the one who ate crayons even after I was at home at night.

I consider myself fortunate that God introduced me to my life mission at an early age.  At 22, I knew that I wanted to work with children with special needs and that I wanted to be the parent of a child with autism.  Regardless of how different this path may seem to others it was custom designed by God for me.

Lynda was the center of God's plan for me.  Parenting a child with autism and medical needs, I found my inner strength.  Because of Lynda and the doors God continued to open for me in the field of special education and advocacy I was inspired to do bigger things than I could have imagined on my own.

As I have come to the end of my journey that God called me to travel with Lynda I can not imagine my life over the past 39 years without her.  Her life will continue to influence mine until I join her in heaven.  Working with children with special needs is as much a part of my life as breathing.  I think it has always been such an important focus of my life because it drew me closer to God's heart for humanity.

With so many options and directions in life I thank God that He loaned Lynda to me.  I could have had no better guide to my life's purpose.

Kathy's Testimony---Lynda ....Given January 22, 1995

We were having a series of lessons on love and our choir director, Allen Harris of North Oxford Baptist Church asked if I would give my testimony about Lynda.  He had asked me before but it was the 20th anniversary of Lynda coming to live with us and I wanted to try to tell God's story to honor Him and Lynda.

It was difficult to talk about a lot of the things that had happened during the previous 20 years and I rarely could do it without crying.  I was not a public speaker and in fact speaking in front of a group of people was not something a person with social anxiety dreamed of doing.  The desire to tell Lynda's story and God's unending love was greater than my fear.

When I gave the testimony on the 20th anniversary in 1995, I had no idea how much longer Lynda would be with me.  We had entered a new phase of our lives with Lynda living at the North Mississippi Regional Center in Oxford which was our hometown.  Now in 2014, I know that this testimony was almost the half-way mark of our journey.  Lynda entered heaven on August 3, 2013.  This January 22nd would have been the 39th anniversary of her first day as my daughter.

There was only one copy of the testimony and it was a video rather than a DVD.  After moving back to Booneville, I tried to watch the video and it had all types of static and rolling lines on it.  I was heartsick but kept the video in hope that it might someday be able to be restored.  Then we moved two years ago to a different house and it was lost in the many boxes that were packed by professional packers.  We had many boxes of family videos and although I had looked through many of them, I could not find it.  Yesterday, I went into the laundry room and decided to clean out a box that had family pictures that I'd left until I had decided where to display them.  Immediately as I looked into the box, I saw the video label....Kathy's Testimony, January 22, 1995.  God is amazing but I still couldn't look at it since we didn't have a video player.  All day I prayed to God to restore the video to it's original quality so I could share His story of how He used Lynda in ways only He could do.  After hours of work, Russ was able to convert the video to a DVD and load it to You Tube and as you can see, it is as viewable as the day I spoke 19 years ago.  This is Lynda's story as designed by God and told by her mother.  To God be the glory.  Great things He has done!

It Was January 22, 1975 When God Brought Lynda to Me

 

Thirty-nine years ago today, I became Lynda's mother.  I had no idea that this little girl would change my life forever.  Thirty-two years ago today I stood by Lynda's bed after she had suffered a stroke at Millcreek and again our lives were forever changing.  In a few days, it will have been six months since Lynda left this earth for her real home in heaven. Saying good-bye to her was really hard but I know that the good-bye was NOT forever.

Lynda is in heaven and at home with God for eternity.  What a blessing it has been that God allowed me to spend time with Lynda here on earth as her mother.  What rejoicing there will be when she and I are reunited in heaven one day.

What we think is forever on earth is fleeting when compared to eternity. 

Lynda, you are loved and missed but I praise God that you are finally home and living the perfect life.  Today is filled with prayers of thanksgiving and many wonderful memories.

Lynda In My Dreams....

For the past two nights I've dreamed about Lynda.  For five months I've prayed to dream about her.  You know the kind of dreams that when you wake up you have to keep reminding yourself that it was just a dream?  I have had those kind of dreams that when I woke from them I was really, really glad it was just a dream.  I've also had the kind of dreams that I never wanted to wake up from.  That was the type of dream I have prayed for...to visit with Lynda in my dreams.

Tuesday night I dreamed about Lynda, Kevin, and Kristopher when they were little.  There were lots of things going on in the dream....it would be happening in our house in Oxford and then suddenly we would be somewhere else and two days later I can't remember much about it.  I just knew when I woke up, I had seen my kids in my dream but I never really saw Lynda's face.  Still it was comforting to dream about the time in my life when I had three young children.  In order for Kristopher to have been born it had to have been after Lynda's stroke...but it was just a dream and dreams don't have to reflect reality.

Wednesday night (last night) I dreamed about Lynda again.  This time I saw her face.  I was dressing her and she was about four years old.  It was a dream that jumped from thing to thing....but the memory of seeing her and dressing her....it was sweet.  She had been to NMRC as a resident but she kind of went back and forth between being older and young like when we first moved to Oxford.  In my dream, I went to visit her at NMRC and discovered that she was young again.  She could walk and run and they had bought these really cool shoes for her.  In my dream, when I put those shoes on her (they were handmade from felt), she could walk and it was as if all of the disabilities vanished.  I remember going into social services and telling them there had been a mistake and I was taking her home.  It was just as real as if someone had told me that she had not really died.

In that time, the dream seemed to go forever.  Our minds must really create images for dreams more quickly than the speed of light.  When I woke this morning, I could tell Russ all about the parts of the dream.  As I get ready to go to bed tonight most of the dream has faded away except the feeling that I spent time with Lynda last night.  I saw her face.  I spent time with her.  I don't remember her saying anything but I was able to hold her hand and walk down the sidewalk.  It was just a peaceful and wonderful dream to wake from.  As I've thought about the little felt shoes that were so vivid in the dream, I've just realized that they were some like my mother had made one of my dolls when I was little. 

The subconscious brain is fascinating to me.  How our brain uses sleep and dreams to work out problems or plant deeper in our brains the things we've learned or experienced during the day...God is indeed amazing and beyond anything a human mind can imagine.  God's power to comfort us isn't only in our waking hours. Why would we believe that He is limited in any way?  I can feel His arms wrapped around me as I fall asleep safe in the knowledge that He never sleeps.  No, I don't feel arms literally but I feel His presence in a very real way as I talk to Him before I fall asleep.  I know He is there watching over me, hearing my prayers and that the Holy Spirit is interceding for me to make my prayers pleasing to God.

As I go to bed each night I fall asleep thanking God for all of the people in my life, for all that he's done for me, and for all He is still planning to do.

Wishing I Could Hold You Again...

At Morgan's birthday party Friday night there was a little boy just a little smaller than Lynda was when she became our foster daughter.  He had the very white blond hair and although he wasn't two yet, he was about her size.

I watched him as he played and as he ran toward his mama.  As he walked away toward the bouncy house he looked so much like the little girl I chased around the house so many years ago.

I watched him play pee pie around his mama's legs as he was sure he was hidden and he would giggle and ask to play again. And then he was off again.  Running and playing.

I found myself watching him as his little body transformed before my eyes into the memory of my little girl doing the same things.  I stood mesmerized and was not prepared when the memories flooded my heart and the tears began to fill my eyes and stream down my face.

That's the way grief is.  It hides and hibernates and we think it's "put away" for a season because after all, it has been five months now.  Holding and loving on my six grandchildren and spending time with their parents during Christmas holidays was the best thing this side of heaven. 

God is so good to me.  His love is more than enough.

You Don't Have a Clue....

  
Especially since Lynda died five months ago this has been the overarching theme of my life but it's more than okay.  I don't have to know what God is doing, not even a clue because He knows my life from the beginning to the end.  With more years to experience God and to realize that I really don't have a clue...I rarely pray for a specific thing to be done a specific way.  Why?  Because God knows what He's doing.  His plans for me are so more elaborate than I could even imagine with my human brain.  I will take a burden to Him and pour my heart out to Him about it but if I ask for a specific outcome of my prayer, it would be like me telling a Michelangelo how to create a chalk drawing on my concrete driveway.  I don't want to limit God to answering my prayers in ways that I might think would be a great outcome. He may be planning to turn my life upside down in ways I never even dreamed could result in the outcome He has in mind.

When a person finally reaches the maturity to embrace the fact the God knows what He is doing and we don't have a clue....prayers change as does our faith.  Being submissive to God and letting Him direct my life isn't a burden....it is a blessing.  After all He knows what He's doing and I don't have a clue.  Yes, I know what He wants me to do in living my life as a Christian because He has left those directions for me in the Bible.  Sometimes I get it right and more often than not I mess up and as I do, God is there to catch me, dust me off and set me on my path again.  It is so comforting to know that I can put my life (every aspect of it) into God's hands and He will lead me home.